Why do you / did you stay in a bad relationship?

[Velveteen]

It a fear of failure and being alone, and making the wrong choice, if things would only change...

[Momene]

Please read my thread on Lost Causes.

[silky88]

oh, yes, i have done this a time or two.

 

why i have stayed in bad relationships (judge if you will):

 

1. living together and could not afford a place of my own (and too proud and too far away from parents to move home).

 

2. low self-esteem - thought i was only worthy of mediocre or bad treatment.

 

3. used to think drama was normal.

 

4. thought "love" conquered all (turns out, with true love, there is no conquered, nor conqueror).

 

5. tricked myself into thinking that staying (i.e. putting up with crap and being a doormat) was STRONGER than leaving -- how backwards is that? for me to think that just because i *could* withstand so much pain, that i *should* rather than removing the source of the pain.

 

6. young and stupid.

 

7. gullible and easily manipulated (see #6).

 

8. i really was so in love with the idea of being in love, that i was willing to go thru hell or high water to make it work with whoever i was with at the time.

(until i found someone cuter -- yes, i was shallow when i was younger). i was desperately loyal until i finally had enough and turned a wandering eye to the next guy without having the balls - so to speak - to break up with the first one. despicable, i now know.

 

9. laziness and comfort level.

 

10. good sex.

 

lucky for me (and i really do feel blessed for being able to say this) my last failed relationship ended so weirdly and so badly that i had to take a serious look at the way i approach men and relationships. a lot of it had to do with the way my parents were when i was a kid, and a lot of it has to do with how i used to be sort of an attention- {mod edit} and way too eager to please. and now that i see all of that, i have been able to have more confidence and hence find a more suitable partner.

 

i used to be so keen on cute guys paying attention to me that i never stopped to think whether that attention was good or bad in the long run.

 

trust me, sometimes it was bad.

 

but imagine my surprise when i met a guy who actually likes ME for ME -- dorkiness and all -- a guy who is literally everything i used to hope for but never thought existed.

 

i would never settle for less again.