Relationship Advice

[si1503]

Here is the situation. I have a kid of 6 months with this girl I was seeing for a while at the start of last year. I only found out a couple of months back, as me and the mother ended on very bad terms and stop talking (had a clean break), she had her reasons for keeping it from me, but fortunately she has told me now and I'm trying to see him as much as possible. She is in nottingham (where I am at uni) but i live in southampton, so over the summer the distance gave me some space from things but now I'm back at uni things are more intense, and I'm struggling emotionally already.

 

This girl is perfect for me, I have a lot of feelings for her and i have been emotional with her in the past, we got back together over the summer briefly, but fell out and split up again, now we are trying to sort out where we stand with one another, and agree terms for me to visit my son. The major problem is we don't get along, we've been through some rough times together in the past and both of us seem to be acting awkward with each other and making things difficult for each other, as if we both want revenge or payback for the past, and the situation is bad, not just for me and her, but for our son.

 

As it stands, visiting my son is very awkward as i have to deal with her, she has starting seeing someone else also which i'm not all that happy about. I've tried to tell her how i feel about her, but she seems to think the only reason i want to be with her is for our son, which is partly the case, but i like her too, i just wish we were getting on better. I've told her we both need to let go of the past, but she is stubborn about things, and we just end up arguing and she has the attitude like she is not going to change.

 

I'm not quite sure what is the best thing to do. I can't have a clean break from her. I can't exactly tell her that i want to be with her for her, she don't do niceguys and that isn't my style anyway. I could try to spend more time with her and talk more with her, perhaps go out with her if we can get a babysitter for our son, i think this might be a good move. I could also perhaps look into counselling for us both? Also I don't think its a good idea her seeing this guy, should I tell her that, or just leave her to find out he is wrong for her herself? Basically we have no trust right now, we need to start building bridges and a friendship, that is just very hard after the rocky and heated relationship we had before, we both hurt each other a lot, and its hard to let go. But for our sons sake, we must find a resolution.

 

All advice/suggestions are much appriciated!

[pooh-bare]

Just b/c you have a child w/someone doesn't mean you have to be with them.......Always make the child your FIRST priority & the rest will work out.

[si1503]

I have a lot of feelings for her. Ideally I need a clean break to get over her you know, otherwise I'm going to keep holding on. So either my sons life is ruined, or my life is ruined. Its a harsh situation.

[Momene]

ALMOST as important: if you live in Southampton and go to uni in Newcastle, who is your favourite football (soccer team). I'm a Saints fan (now exiled in Wiltshire) and always check the league tables from the bottom up.

[Anna.]

Ya'll have got to put ya'lls feelings for each other aside and focus on your son. It doesn't sound like you two are well suited for each other at all.

 

Let the romantic relationship go (for now atleast) and focus on being friends and developing a bond as parents focused on the best interest of their child.

[si1503]

Let the romantic relationship go (for now atleast) and focus on being friends and developing a bond as parents focused on the best interest of their child.

Easier said that done, I'm not good with friendships with women. The only women i have regular contact with are women i'm gaming on and i struggle to be friendly, mainly because in the past whenever i've been nice i get screwed around. You soon learn what things they respond positively to. Its not that i don't want to be friendly but deep down women don't want that (at least the ones i've liked), so i find it extremely hard, but I will try.

[Anna.]

That sounds like a cop out to me. Sorry. This woman is the mother of your son. It's not about games anymore, it's about raising your son in the best way possible. You and his mother do not seem to be in love, and it doesn't sound like you really want to settle down right now with a woman, anyway. I stick by what I said, 'Let the romantic relationship go (for now atleast) and focus on being friends and developing a bond as parents focused on the best interest of their child."

[si1503]

Okay. Thanks for your help.