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"Not wet enough"?


darthpeladus
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I was with my g/f today, and I started to "massage" her down there... and then she said she needed to go to the bathroom first (to pee)

So she went, came back, and we started to make out again, and after a couple of minutes I was massageing down there again, and after a couple of minutes she said she was not wet enough and that she wont be able to orgasm.... is that true? A female cant cum if she is not wet enough?

I am asking cause I dont know... is not that I dont believe her...

Anyways, couple of nights before, it was the first time I masturbated her (or any other woman), and as far as I cant tell, she cum at least once... She even said that she doesnt believe me that that was my first time

 

 

Before all that, she started to masturbate me, and then she also started to use her mouth... she was there like 5 minutes, and I couldnt feel anything... I didnt know what to do... and then she made a pause and asked if I am feeling it and if I am enjoying it... and I said "a little" and then she got all sad and stop. She also hasnt done this before, and I haven't had a b/j before, so I coulndt even guide her... she was really sad, even if I kept telling her that I am not angry nor disappointed at her. She is bummed cause she cant make me feel good....

What should I do? I've read a lot about telling the partner what one likes, but I cant tell her how I would like a b/j when I hadnt have one before.... I may tell her how to make a hand job...

Any advice?

I also thougth about sending her an email with links to "how to make a b/j", but send it in a funy way, like laughing at that... but I know she will take it more serious and it will make her feel even worse...

How can I make her feel better about this?

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A female cant cum if she is not wet enough?

 

That's not true, a female CAN cum even if she's not wet at all. Wetness is a byproduct of the sexual arousing, but is not necessary for reaching an orgasm. It'd be more credible if a female said "I can't have intercourse because I'm not wet enough" since being wet is necessary for not being hurted by the friction, but the clitoris -what most females orgasm with- does not depend on how wet you are in order to reach climax.

 

I cant tell her how I would like a b/j when I hadnt have one before.... I may tell her how to make a hand job...

 

Well tell her exactly that... that you're sorry she's bummed, but is not your fault either, since you have no previous experience. Tell her to help you know your body better so you both can get aroused and learn from each other. Distract her from her tantrum and try again, is the only way to know how to do it better and discover what you like, just the same way you learnt how to masturbate.

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OK can tell your really confused on this one...break it down! Here goes:

 

she said she needed to go to the bathroom first (to pee)

not uncommon..Lots of pressure going on down there!! also if you are inside her with fingers and triggering her g spot...it does feel like you need to go.

 

and after a couple of minutes she said she was not wet enough and that she wont be able to orgasm.... is that true? A female cant cum if she is not wet enough?

Ummm strictly speaking no it isn't true - but it is individual to everyone! maybe the 'loo' break meant she lost her momentum..and didn't feel she was going to get there?

 

She even said that she doesnt believe me that that was my first time

Good for you!!

 

she was there like 5 minutes, and I couldnt feel anything...

BJ are tricky things to get right...let alone 1st time. technique is needed...as well as lots of prompting from you on what works doesn't.

 

OK only time i am going to do this!!

When she is down on you - really important she 'wraps' her lips around her teeth. She has to remember she is 'mimicking a vagina'. She needs to SUCK...use her hands to simultanously pleasure you and be an extension on her mouth...get her to work the tip of your penis...licking, flicking, kissing...she needs to keep a constant rhythm....her lips being wrapped will help you feel it more.

 

also thougth about sending her an email with links to "how to make a b/j", but send it in a funy way

 

HELL NO don't do that!!! she'll be absolutely gutted!! she wants to hear it from you....if she was to bring it up about looking for advise then fine...but by no means should you be recommending - talk about denting a girls ego!!

 

Only way you can make her feel better is to help her and experiment with her, to find out what is good and what works.

 

Patience is key here...take it slow!

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I agree with the above posters so far.

 

As for the "how to give a bj" guide...perhaps YOU should read it, so you can give her pointers when she's down there. It doesn't have to be a formal thing, just know what sensation you're supposed to get and what she should be doing, and GENTLY guide her. But be SUPER NICE if you ever want a bj again...

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darthpeladus,

 

I see you and your GF are ok.I remember your condom thread

 

Yep, we already have condoms and "Durex Play Free"...

We are not going to plan when it hapens... it will just happen....

 

To remain on topic: i was at her home yesterday. We did the usual stuf, I also masturbated her, and this time, my finger was also inside her (first time I do that)

The only strange thing for me is, that after a couple of minutes, she says "you can stop now". Its strange for me, cause with me, when I masturbate, I know when I can stop, after I cum. With her (and all women I think), one can go on and on and on... I 'll get used to that...

I am not sure about this, but I think she can also reach orgasm just by playin with her breasts... I mean, I read that it can happen, and when I did that, she acted similar to how she does when I masturbate her...

 

After a while we took a shower together and she started to masturbate me again. This time I did feel something, but there was too much soap and I wasnt feeling relaxed enough, so I decided to stop and try another time. Of course I told her that it was not because of her (it was the truth, and this time she believed me and didnt feel bad)

I told her that next time, if we have more time, I will show her extacly how I do and what I like.... I hope it works well....

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Hey,

 

I'm not exactly the most experienced person when it comes to sexual stuff but I do know that its hard for a girl to give a bj. A lot of girls think it is gross and it takes them a while to get over it and decide they are ok with it. A lot of girls also get nervous. Personally I was more nervous the first time I gave my boyfriend a blowjob than I was before doing anything else sexual. I was really scared of what would happen if he cummed in my mouth and how I would react. Then once a girl has managed to build up the courage to do it, its actually a difficult thing to do. Well its much harder than a handjob, at least. The first time I gave my boyfriend a blowjob I started to gag after about five seconds and I couldn't do it. When I couldn't do it, it upset me a lot but my boyfriend reassured me and a week later I tried again and I gradually got used to it. And even now when I give my boyfriend a bj although he says it feels really good, he doesn't cum. Although this still upsets me slightly I've pretty much gotten used to it. My boyfriend assures me he enjoys it and I believe him.

 

So I think you just need to reassure your girlfriend and take it slow with her. Its not her fault that you couldn't feel it...it was her first time and she was obviously nervous and unsure. She just needs practice and to find ways of doing it so that you can feel it and so that you really enjoy it. It also isn't your fault. You reassured her that you weren't annoyed or disappointed. So don't blame yourself.

 

I wouldn't reccomend telling her to look at any "how to give a bj" guides. If she mentions it then maybe you could look at it together. Otherwise I think you should just read up on it yourself and then when she is giving you a bj you will be able to suggest things to her and guide her. Just remember to reassure her. I'm sure that the whole thing has probably knocked her confidence big time. Imagine if it was the other way round and it was you who had been trying to pleasure her and then she had said that she couldn't really feel it. Like I said though, its not your fault. You did the right thing by telling her the truth because its better she knew you couldn't feel it than for you to fake it. This way you can make it better.

 

Do you enjoy it when she masturbates you? If so then you could always just stick to that if you still can't feel anything much from a bj.

 

Hope that helps!

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and after a couple of minutes she said she was not wet enough and that she wont be able to orgasm.... is that true? A female cant cum if she is not wet enough?

 

I beg to differ. If she's not wet enough... she may not be able to cum at all.... or cum as easily. He could be rubbing her raw... and THAT is not a pleasant feeling.

 

Trust your GF's cues... if she says it doesn't feel good it doesn't feel good. If she says she's not wet enough.. then she is NOT wet enough.

She may not know a lot about sex... but she knows what feels good and what doesn't.

 

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I beg to differ. If she's not wet enough... she may not be able to cum at all.... or cum as easily. He could be rubbing her raw... and THAT is not a pleasant feeling.

 

I have to agree with this. And too much rubbing down there is not always a good thing. In fact, I'm thinking it's actually quite a BAD thing. The whole area gets desensitized and 'raw' and that's just no way to get someone off.

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The other day we were together at my house. We were fooling around and then I started to masturbate her again. After I begun she told me "why dont you get the lubricant?" So I got it and using a little of it I continued and also penetrated with my finger. She enjoyed it, but she didnt orgasm. She told me that usualy when she masturbates with penetration, she cant orgasm, but she enjoyed it. After a while I asked her if this time it also hurted a little or not, and she said this time it didnt hurt at all.

After masturbating her, she asked if I wanted to do it (it=sex). And I wanted, but I knew that someone(from my family, it was almost dinner time) will probably interrup us in the middle, so I said that I prefer not to.

Next sunday she will probably come here again and also stay for the nigth, so maybe we will, but we dont want to plan it, cause if we do, we will both be really nervous about that, so its better if it just happens.

 

Question: i've read and heared (and even seen on TV) about the G spot. I know that it should be in the front wall of the vagina. But how can I find it? I "looked for" it and I couldnt find anything... any tip?

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darthpeladus,

 

Ooohh you and your girl going to lose your virginity Sunday(vitural hug).I'm happy for you because i've been reading your post from the start.Hey don't worry about the g-spot and trying to be the perfect lover just yet.First time sex isn't about being perfect but enjoying the moment.Darthpeladus enjoy the moment.

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Sunday's over... and we are still virgin...

We were about to do it. At first she was a little nervous and also tired, but after some "fooling around" she said she wanted. I went for the condoms and the lube(a few steps away form the bed), and when I came to the bed again, I was not "ready". So we continued and it took me some time, but I was ready again. Put the condom, got everything ready... and then again, it went down. I think we tryed once more, it went up again, and down again

It seems I was a little nervous... I didnt feel that way, but after the first time it went down, I started to think only about that, so maybe that put a little pressure on me. I tryed not to think about that, but you know, its not that easy...

She said it was ok, it didnt matter, and that we'll try again next time... so I hope next time it works...

 

One more thing: the second and third time it went up, she was on top, but then we turned around to do it... why is it that when she's on top it "works" and when I'm on top it doesnt... I thougth maybe we should do it when she's on top, but she said she prefers the other way...

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darthpeladus.

 

I was just thinking about you. Sorry!!I know you and your girl don't want to plan your first time because of nerves but maybe you should. I mean have a nice dinner where you feed eachother food, do some sexy dancing,laugh, set up a nice bubble bath where both of you are bathing eachother body and just relax.Hey how about you and your girl give each other a body message on the bed to knock the nerves. I hope these tips will relax your mind darthpeladus.

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The thing is that if we plan it, we wont be able to distract out minds, we'll just think that we are going to do it... I dont know...

We talked today about yesterday. She said something that may be rigth: we were at my bed (pretty small bed) and she asked me if I wanted to do it, and i said I do. But then we said that the bed was too small so that we should put the bed that i have under mine at its side, to have a double bed. Well, since she asked me if I wanted to, until we finally started, it was at least 15 minutes, and then we had to start to fool around again, cause we lost the momentum. So she said that maybe next time we shouldnt stop. Maybe she's rigth... but I fear that next time I' ll have in mind what happened yesterday and that will work against me... I am a little worried about that...

We also say that maybe a couple of glasses of wine can help us both...

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darthpeladus,

 

Can you afford a hotel with a queen or king size bed?There won't be no interruption. I mean a hot bubble bath with you and your girl Kissing,nibbling,sucking and touching eachother would be hot or a erotic body message that would lead to intercourse.Could that relax your mind?Ooohh i have another fun idea.How about hooking up a camcorder to a TV and watch your GF giving you a blow job or hand job.I mean that should turn your mind on and not think about what happen Sunday.

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About the camrecorder... I dont think so... maybe someday, but not now.

About the Hotel: we were thinking a while ago about going to a place in the north, near a lake, where there are huts (I think thats how you call it) with nice beds and big bathrooms, etc. Very nice place. And it was not so expensive. But then, time went by and she is traveling to Spain this friday for 5 days so we wont have time to go to the north. BUT what you said about hotel made me thougth, maybe we can stil go a nigth to a Hotel in Tel Aviv (its close to were we live). And I dont think a nigth would be so expensive...

I would like to do it as a surprise... but I think is better if I to ask her...

5 days after she returns from Spain, we go back to classes (we both study together), and then there wont be so much time to be together, even if we see each other almost every day...

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