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TraciH
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hi, Im Traci. im not very good at putting tings into words, so ill apologise if this turns out topsy turvy. OK...here goes: when i was 9 i was molested by my "uncle". I was basically threatened into performing sexual acts on him, when I say threatened, if I didnt do it then "mommy and daddy are going to be taken away, and you'll never see them again". Needless to say I believed him. A few weeks later my dad moved out of our family home and moved to another country, so of course I thought it was because of what I had done. "he" told me that i was not allowed to tell anyone because my mom would go to. I was petrified. A couple of months later he followed my dad. I havnt seen him since, last i heard he had gone and became a monk in thailand. (ironic really) Now, i cant be the real me with my partner, i am unable to perform sexual acts without the feelin of guilt, and shame. My partner is my world and although he understands completely why I wont do it, i feel that i should be able to do it. I see his face and i hear im whispering to me and its ruining me, I am usually a strong person and I never let anything get me down or stop me from achieving what i want. I feel i let myself down with letting this get to me. I would love to be able to relieve myself of this "emotional burden". I want to have the best life i possibly can without him in the backround.

 

OK, so like I said earlier im not very good at writing things down, so i do apologise.

 

Love and kisses.

 

Traci.

 

PS,if there is anyone who I can talk to, please get in touch.

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Welcome to ENA!

 

I am so sorry you went through that! How painful that must have been and probally still is. Have you talked about this with a therapist, one who specializes in molestation issues.

 

What your uncle did to you was wrong. You did nothing wrong. At some point you do have to learn to let go of things. My mother never got help for her molestation by her own uncle at a young age, and I know that she never forgot it either.. You are not alone. Sad fact is that many are victims of this type of abuse.

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Traci,

 

Welcome. I think you probably do need to talk to a professional about this. It's not your fault, and it sounds like you've got a good grip on where you want to go, but you don't know how to get there. I don't think any one without any training can begin to really figure out how to help you. If someone here can help, it's probably someone with a similar experience.

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feel free to add me at messenger if you have and if you like or to PM me if you think it could help you

must say i don't have the same background but in some way i can a little imagine how you must feel

for me sex became a kind of problem in my relationship but it was b/c i was very worried and also feeling ashame so i didn't let it happen though it was one of my biggest wishes to could do that with that person and finally he broke up and we've never done that.

i wish you a lot of strength and good luck and i think visiting this forum and explaining your situation is already a first step in the right direction.

guess with 'talking' about your feelings you can get more over it and that it's important to keep in touch with your bf about how you feel and that it'snt that you don't want it b/c of him (just b/c I'm afraid and feel sorry I didn't made it clear as much as I wanted to my 'ex 'bf. But it seems yours understand. All the best.

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Hi Traci, I am sorry to hear about what happened to you. What a sadistic, horrible person he is to do that to a child. *sigh* What a world we live in.

 

Counseling is definitely in order. It's not that there's something wrong with you, it's that you need help finding a way to come to terms with what happened to you in a way that works for you. It seems you already have a handle on why you are feeling what you are feeling, now it's time to get help to put it into perspective.

You can find a way to feel better about what happened, and not have it affect your life the way it is anymore. I promise.

I have been able to get to the point where what happened to me (similar story) doesn't really matter anymore. It's still there and always will be, but it's not in the way. Know what I mean?

 

Hugs to you, Traci.

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Traci, I'm glad you found your way to eNotalone. You'll find some real support and concern here. I know it wasn't easy for you to talk about such a painful event.

 

When I hear of such things happening to a child, I am filled with so much pain and anger. It is a terrible thing that never, ever should have happened to you, and it's tragic that it does happen to so many children.

 

Your uncle is a bad man who likely went to Thailand to prey on even more young girls, as the child sex trade is pretty thriving there, from what I understand. It's disgusting. I am positive that his terrible deeds will not go unpunished, either in this life, or in the life after when he must answer for what he has done.

 

As other posters said, you did nothing wrong. NOTHING. As a child, you were naive, terrified, and only complied because of these reasons. It was a horrible violation, and if I could wave a magic wand, I would make it so these things never happened to anyone.

 

But I can't, and you can't, and so what must be done is that first of all, you have to let yourself off the hook for this. Shame has no place in your life, if anyone should feel intense shame it should be your uncle.

 

Second, I think you could benefit from talking to a kind, and preferably female, therapist who is experienced in counseling victims of abuse. Of course, you will get much support here, but I think you should also add professional help to your "recipe for healing."

 

You are not the only young woman who has such a painful history, so please don't feel alone. And at 22, the rest of your life is just beginning. The worst has already happened, and things can only look up from here! Regular therapy for a while can also help you see this.

 

Never forget, the special light in you - what makes you YOU - can NEVER be taken away by another person.

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Hi Traci,

 

And welcome to enotalone.

 

I'm glad too that you came here and were able to open up about what happened. It takes alot of courage to share something like that, and there are indeed many good people here who will listen to you.

 

I do agree that with an issue as powerful as this, that is affecting your life in such a negative way as it is, that it does need to be addressed with a professional therapist. It would be good for you to be able to open up with an objective professional who can help you find ways to work through this and get past it as best as you can. It's wonderful too that you have such a loving and supportive partner who is so understanding.

 

It is NOT YOUR FAULT that a grown up whom you trusted manipulated a CHILD into sexual acts with him. He is a sick man and he as the adult should have known better. You were just a child. I hope that you know there is nothing you did wrong that made this happen.

 

((HUGS))

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I agree with Beec and the others who have recommended counseling. Molestation is a trauma of such magnitude that most people can't get over it without help.

 

Good for you for having the courage to post about it here, and I hope you find a therapist soon who will help you find the peace and comfort that you didn't deserve to have taken away.

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Traci, I'd just like to add that even though a lot of us are recommending therapy, this board is open to you 24/7 to talk, vent, ask questions...whatever you need.

 

Let me also say I entirely sympathize with your current problem of not being able to fully enjoy intimacy with your boyfriend without the spectre of your uncle in the subliminal background. Clearly what is happening here is that sex still has too much of an association with what that man did to you. That's one of the reasons why I suggest talking with a counselor experienced in helping people overcome the trauma of childhood sexual abuse. A good counselor can help guide you to a better, safer place where sex won't feel scary or shameful to you. And you DESERVE for sex NOT to feel this way. It's a completely different act with someone you romantically love and cherish and who feels the same way in return for you.

 

But understandably, it may take you some time to get to a place where you feel good about yourself sexually and the act of sex itself.

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Traci,

 

Hi and welcome to enotalone. Your story breaks my heart. When my mother was 8 years-old, she had something similar occur, also by an uncle. He was a new member of the family who became related by marriage (my grandfather's sister married him) . He would do terrible things when him and his wife were supposedly babysitting, and kids would sleep over their house. My mom was not the only one, it also happened to her cousins.

 

From what I gather, my mother struggled to overcome this and it did affect her sexuality too. I agree with the others, it would really help to seek a professional counselor, particularly one who specializes in abuse. Also, does your mother or anyone else know about this? If not, perhaps telling soemone in your family would lift a burden off you, because he would no longer have the control and privledge of his terrible behavior being a secret. If you have not told anyone about this, perhaps a counselor could help you to figure out if telling is a good idea, and how you'd like to proceed. I think exposing him for what he is would be somewhat therapeutic for you. It's also up to you if you'd like to press charges and take legal action. But for now think small. Take this one step at a time. Counseling is the first step.

 

As for your partner, the best you can do is be honest with him and let him know about the issues you are dealing with when it comes to sexuality. If he is aware of how you are feeling, it will be easier for him to support you and understand what you're going through.

 

I think you took a very big and important step by coming here and posting this. I know it must have been hard. BTW, I think you did a great job of putting it into words. Please come back and talk more with us. We will try to help as best we can.

 

Hugs

 

BellaDonna

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I know how you are feeling and what you are going through.

 

I have only just found this site and intended to just read but not post but your story matches mine so closely I had to write to say that you can get through this, small steps taken with the right people by your side and you will begin to feel free from the pain and heavy burden that you carry around.

 

I'm not there but I'm half way down the road to healing I think and will support you in any way I can.

 

Take Care, thinking of you.

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little red, welcome to eNotalone - we're glad you found us, too! Please, feel welcome to post your own thread if it could be of help to you in any way. As I said to Traci, this is a safe and supportive environment, where the members really care. At any rate, it's very compassionate of you to let Traci know that she's not alone in her struggle.

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i just want to say to everyone who has posted, i didnt realise that there were so many people that do care. im looking in2 finding a counsillor to talk things through and finally let my past go. ill keep you all updated and let you know how im getting on. in the meantime, if there is anybody who is going through the same situation, please get in touch, my msn is email removed. maybe we can help each other get through it. hope to hear from you soon. hugs and kisses Traci xxx

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Hi Tracy

 

I'm glad you are going to get help with these issues. I had a similar problem, not abuse, but neglect, and just finished my therapy sessions with my councilor. I have to say that it helped tremendously in getting rid of feelings of guilt and anger towards the grownups in my life. The problem was that as a grownup now, I can see that they did wrong, and I know I was not to blame, but a person still carries the feelings of that child of 5 or in your case 9 with you, and it stays unresolved in the past, but you carry it with you. In essense you need to return to when you were that age and "mother" yourself better. A good coucilor will be able to help you do that, to forgive yourself, and to give your inner child support and love. Then you will finally be free of the guilt and anger, and live your life to the fullest. I'm here if you need to talk!

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Growing up i was always unattractive to everyone and to myself. I didnt find myself unattractive because of what people i felt that i wasnt pretty. I was constanly picked by everyone my age and even adults. When i entered high school i found my first love. When he approached me that was my turning point he bascially broken a shell that needed to be broken. It seem like as soon as we meet i was getting attention from many guys, and it felt good. Eventhough till this i stiil feel unattractive getting attention from guys helps my self esteem. So when i was like 18 i starting sexually abusing my body by sleeping with guys to make myself feel good about myself because they would tell me how beautiful i was, yes i cheated on my boyfriend all the time.

Am 25 no and i still do from time to time. I don't talk about it becasue i am ashamed and nowadays people judge and dont know what u r going through. I know that am hurting myself physically and emtionall and i even have really bad dreams but i dont know what to do. I am in therapy but i have not told my therapist about that i do plan to tell her because i do want to stop and i know i need help.

 

I have told my mom and of course she called me names and said i was full of . It hurts more because she my mom and i want her to be there for me but she is a mean and rude person and i dont think she will change. I just wanted to share my story and getsome feedback to see if anyone out there can relate to what i am going through

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I really feel for you.

Your uncle is a bastard.

 

i've actually thought of having a work out tape which includes a woman beating up and mutaliting (sP?)[actually just chopping of his penis] a representation of her rapist, you know, set to music, and broadcasted on You Tube. I think a lot of people would benefit from it. I mean, it would be like a funny skit. Who doesn't feel like beating the crap out of their rapist.

 

Of course I haven't done such a thing yet, but the idea makes me smile inside, maybe it'll help you too.

 

Maybe you should see a counselor about the situation.

 

A close friend of mine was molested at a young age. She told me just the other day that you either become hypersexual or you don't want sex with anyone.

 

My rapist kept saying stuff in my ear too, it's like damnit, can they shut up.

 

I was raped just a few months ago though. Unfortunately i was drugged because i would have loved to beat the out of him.

 

Anyways, that's neither here nor there. i just want you to know that I can relate. And that the whole sex aspect can be rough. Just take your time, ya know.

It's okay, go at your own pace. I'm sure your man will understand.

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hi, ive sent you details of a group that will help you. its free We are in the uk not far from you. We have all been through this so we know what you are feeling. These traumas if we dont address them can in effect ruin our lives. Sad to say some dont make it through, and we think of them. for others the effects can be devastating and alter our very lives . We are survivors though, we are not victims that is important. so it is in that we work towards rebuilding our lives, keep them focused and become the people we should be. Also is also you are helping others by allowing them to help you, that is all part of it, because if you dont survive and recover then you cannot help the poor souls that are out there now TODAY going through the things you have. But you are here and looking for help and that is a start , to unravel the past and build towards a future.

We cannot change what has happened to us but we can change the way we see our lives, its about choices. seeing the way you view the world "now" and asking the questions and answering them understanding that its not your fault and overcoming the guilt and all the other stuff that goes on with it. For me I was in the wrong place at the wrong time . This * * * * happens it happened to me and it happened to you, yes if anyone else is reading this you know what I mean. So get help , we are here I am here , so the rest is up to us to recover from the effects of a society that cant protect us.

Ive been there my friend and im coming out the other side.

But you cant do it on your own , well thats my opinion , i tried for years so have others and it becomes internal, it will eat you alive in some way. Dont let link removed there it is . earn your life back , dont let what happened to you destroy it.

moto g

If anyone wants to email me please do i am here for you

email removed

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