Jump to content

When enough is enough, Moving Past! - FCTex

Recommended Posts

Howdy everyone...


First off, for those that remember me, and those that don't yet, I've been gone for a while from this site. I've rearranged alot of things in my life, set my priorities, and I got away from here.. This place while the biggest help in my break up and the mess that followed it. However like a drug, this place had me coming back at any moment I felt weak, and in any instance I came here, and typed the URL, my ex would flood my mind as if to purge myself of the disgusting feelings I had about it all..



However, I'm back to perhaps release a few thoughts, and perhaps spread some of the realization, as grim as some of you might think it is.


For those un aware of my background, in short form. I was with a then wonderful woman for 1.5 years. Wonderful normal relationship. Good communication, good physical and emotional relations. I was close with her family, even working for her fathers business, which I still do. 1.5 years in, she wants to take a "break". It quickly became a permanant thing, with a final break up taking place. She fed me many lies, and decitful things. There was someone else.. I latched on for hope. I cried, I begged. I followed, I prayed, I cried some more and I dug my nail into any inkling of "her" I had left.


Eventually, I gave up. I dated around. I slept with a few women, I move on from each of them, like it was nothing. I still felt empty, an each night 3-6 months after the break up, I felt empty. My ex would call me or text me, or e-mail me on average of once, to 4 times a month. Sometimes we'd go a month or so, with nothing and then it was broken by her, or myself.


She'd talk of her mistakes, and everything would sound right. She still had a boyfriend, and I was still single and mingling... We'd sleep with each other, and then wouldn't talk for weeks. We did this on and off for 4 months maybe.



I gave up on her after the 3rd attempted time to reconcile. She was wishy washy. Full of lies, and I was tired of holding on wishes and dreams and being heart broken over and over.



So where do I stand now?


I'm a new person. I'm happy. I have a girlfriend, and I have my life back.


I live within 3 blocks of my ex. The closest we have ever lived to each other. In the last 3 months, I've seen her twice. Once in person, and once while driving by. She's called me a few times, a few times to go out for drinks and to hang out. A few times to pick her up from a party late night. And she's even called me twice because she was upset and felt alone.


I didn't let her use me again. I'm not there for her anymore, and she knows it, and she doesn't try and cross the line. She lives in her misery of losing the best thing to ever happen to her.. And everyone should think that during a case like this. YOU are the best thing, not them.


You might ask how do you know when your "over" them. Well, it's not that cut and dry.. You'll just feel it, and know it.


For me, it's when I no longer felt the need for her friendship, or rather acknowledgement of me. I didn't need her to talk to me, like me, love me, or even realize I existed to her. I realized through talking to friends, and her, the things she did and does that I DO NOT want in my life. I don't need someone to make me feel lied to in hindsight. I don't want to be made a fool, and I certainly don't need someone who holds me in regard only high enough that I can be replaced by someone she randomly meets online.


I can smile and say I'm "ex free". I have her number in my phone, but I no longer know it by heart like I used to. I know what her face looks like, but I can't tell you specifics like I could. I don't remember what she feels like, tastes like, or smells like. I don't wish to. I can't immediately tell you hold long we've been apart( which now that I think of it has been 1year 1 month).



Does my ex grab my mind sometimes? Sure. Every person who touched your heart regardless of the circumstances following will. Don't feel held down because you still hold a thought of them. I have no problem talking to my ex, but when it happens, I don't have any emotion towards it. I don't care what she talks about or does, or what happens to her. Do I love her? Sure, I do. I love her like I love family. Unconditionally, I always will. It's the way of my heart and it's the way I love. I don't fault my heart for loving her, or anyone.



My biggest advice, is to walk away. Regardless of what cinderella stories can take place, or that you wish. Your heart will take the road less traveled and will love you for it. Let life and love happen the way it should, but don't force anything on it. Here I am, whole again. Trying to let my heart fall in love with my girlfriend, and thankful for everything that has happened to me. I'm thankful for those here who helped me or listened. I'm thankful for my ex. She tought me a tough less that we ALL learn in life, and I was just lucky enough it was her, and you all here who were my crutches.



I walk again. Enough... was enough.


Stay strong everyone.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

FCtex, I can't tell you how great and inspirational that was to read... I am so happy for you and your advice is brilliant. It's really made me think about my own self and situation. I hope it all goes well with you and your new girlfriend, I just really was moved by your post and enjoyed the wisdom you now have and your feedback... all the best!!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thank you very much poetsheart..


I know it was somewhat long, but I don't think I have enough in me to put into words how great it feel to break the chains..


We all are in denial to ourselves... How many times have we all lied to our family and friends about our feelings about our mess with our ex's? I mean, how many times can you count that you went behind everything you said, and thought, only to do whatever you let your mind and heart drag you into?


I know plenty of times I tried to stay away, and move on, but I found myself calling, stomach in a knot, and throat closed shut, praying she'd answer..


Then there were times I'd wish she's dissappear. Times I wish the worse on her. Times where she was down that I wish I could pull her up. But it's not my job anymore. I'm out of the picture; and thats okay!



Everyone loves and loses. Everyone deals with it different, it's YOU who has to take little pieces from friends, family and others advice and make it your own... NC isn't the key to the door of moving on. Your mothers, brothers, cousins, friends, and co workers advice is NOT the exact path your heart needs to walk free again..


Just close your eyes, take a breath each morning and live. Live for you. Do what you want, eat what you want. Do it ALL for you.. And within a months time, you will be that much farther to break your chains. And I will not lie- you will always remember them. Always. But harbor those feelings in a way to smile and relive your own memories of it. Thats how I do it.. And for those that always wonder what if.........


What if you move on, grow as a person from this, and run into your ex in 3, 5 or 10 years from now? Who knows if you'll recognize them. Who knows what the conversation might be.. Who knows...


But who cares. Live now, and live right. Be happy it happened..


Stay stronger.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I am really trying to be strong, I've been tested very recently, and I've kept true to myself, but it's been really hard... Reading what you have said to me now, everything you have said has really had an inpact on me, and I want to sincerely thankyou for your words and your post.. It means alot.


Can you imagine running into the ex's priceless moment cause we will be so happy and wondeful and they will think... WHAT A LOSS!!!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I've had that moment a few times now...


It's a wonderful feeling, when I was going out for drinks one night with my ex's younger brother. She was in her room getting ready to go out to see her boyfriend for their 1 year.. Ironically, only a week after we had been broken up for a year...


It felt great to be dressed to impress, and to walk into her room to say Hello.. and to see her, towel in her hair, getting doll'd up. Uneasy, and unable to make a complete sentence. The look in her eye.. the way her body language spoke to me just screamed at me.


To be able to hold not a care in the world to what she thinks of me, or wants with me was worth it's weight in gold.


She's got problems, and it's sad that when she's down low, she still calls me to console her.. To make her feel better about all her messes in her life.



I even once in a while, and as shameful as it is, sometimes want to contact her boyfriend and put a little "birdie" in his ear about her secret life she lives without him.. But then again, what do I gain? Nothing. I don't want her back, and I don't ever see it happening, so why say him the trouble, and why prematurely end their decitful relationship!



Just hold your head up high, and keep your smile bright, and your eyes open, because you NEVER know who's watching you from a distance.


The end of the hurt is closer than we all ever thought. It's within your arms reach, you just have to really want it to end.. And it's true.. You can end it now, or later, you can be real now or later, but sooner than later is always easier...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

secret life hey hmmm, sounds interesting... no, you don't have to do a thing, he'll find out in good time and you won't have to do a sweet thing... but I know what you mean, the temptation is there.... I'd be busting....


I can't thankyou enough for your words, wisdom and what you've said to me right now, you rock my friend...


I hope so much there's someone out there like what you said, that would be fantastic for me, hope its a good man!!! I deserve it, if I don't say so myself....

Link to comment
Share on other sites

my 2 cents - the next time that 'idea' pops into your head [about wanting to tell someone about someone], think about the emotion and reason behind it. is it attached to a negative? of course, it is - and how does that serve your soul? it doesn't. so you should never say something to that person because it is none of your business.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Oh I totally agree. I don't plan on it as long as I'm in good judgement.. I don't have any anger towards her. Infact as weird as it is, I have an indifferent feeling about her. It's more neutral than anything and thats how I think it should be.


Her boyfriend should have obviously known that when you mess with a taken woman, she stands the chance to do the same back.


Red and Black,


I'm glad to see your story take a nice change and get to a comfortable point. It's a wonderful thing to wake up and each day a piece of that fall from you and dissappear.


I still have a wondering thought, as will everyone, and everyone needs to know thats okay... Thinking of them once a week, for any particular reason is NO MEANS to feel like your still stuck on it, and not moving on. The fact that you can pass 3 seconds to your ex, and have no real emotionally moving take place, is a good thing for you. It means your mature enough to accept it, and bright enough to realize what it was. It's okay to pass thought for anyone in your life who changed you, and more than most, your relationships and love are certainly on the top end of life altering items.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I just wanted to move this up. I've been feeling really great about being past it.


I have no urge to delve into her life at this point. I could careless for the most part what crisis plagues her from day to day.. It's a good feeling, and I'm anxious to see if she breaks down during the holidays like she normally does.



The only hang up that I get from it all is sometimes I was some sort of childish revenge so to speak. Not so much as to prove any point to her, or her boyfriend, or even those involved in her life. But so much as to prove something to me. To prove to me, that all in all, my pain, came at a price, and that she's going to pay for it. It's a sick thought, the childish way I want to just spill the beans to her boyfriend about her cheating on him for so long. And the closer they get to the 1.5 year mark(the length her and I dated) the more and more I want to trash their relationship.


This would ultimately destroy anything they have between each other. I can cite names, dates, times, and everthing to prove my story, even her alibis to him to cover her tracks. It's just sickning to me sometimes to ponder them being together as much or longer than her and I have, and for her to do this to him, makes me feel like she could have done it to me and hide it from me like she does him.


I'd certainly would have liked someone to tell me she was a * * * *, if she had done it to me. But as far as I know, she hadn't, but still. It's possible.



Also, the fact that she'd lie to me, sleep with me, and be sleeping with him and not tell me, and LIE about it, pisses me off. She could have exposed me to something.


But for the most part, I'm past it, just a little residual anger when I feel like being angry at something..



Honestly, not for my own personal gain(other than proving a small point), would shouldn't I expose her lies? She's going to cause huge problems with what she's done, and I certainly don't feel like she needs to continue or live a lie.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

dam man what you gotta do is sit back and watch the show. eventually this guy is going to find out about her cheating and drop her like a sack of beans....OR he will suck it up and continue on with her which displays no self worth on his part. either way they are headed for bad news. i would highly suggest that you keep away from that situation and do nothing to bring it up to him. even if youdid he may just look at it as an attempt for you to get her back.


you are still hurting somewhat, although i can tell that you've healed a great deal. have you had any relationships since that one? been intimate with any ladies? i splet with a ocuple girls in the few months after my breakup, but that was rather to feel better rather than because i was seriously interested (although one of them is relationship worthy). Are you at the point where you are looking for someone else for the right reasons?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I slept with several women after my break up. I dated like a mad-man after our break up. That was well over a year ago. I still talk to some of the girls, but most were fly by night girls I had met out, or through mutual friends that I no longer cared to bother seeing or calling.


I got into a relationship for a few months and ended it, because she was out of a nasty break up, and I totally wasn't over everything. I was still pissed over it all, and at that point my ex was trying to get back to me. So while I had dated someone for a few months, and casually dated other women before that. I went back to my ex, and we tried for a few weeks/months to slowly work something. She'd lie about her boyfriend, and then when I found out she would tell me she was going to break it off, that she didn't love him, or like him and didn't know what she was doing.


Needless to say, she never broke anything but my heart again. She tried several times after that to try and get to me, I gave her the finger, and carried on my way. I got back with the girl I was dating after clearing my head, and her and I are on the eve of being together for perhaps a year in the next month or two. It's a good relationship for the most part. Enjoyable, and the whole nine, but I'm just wishy washy somedays, and for hours on end. Who knows.



All in all, I'm over it, other than the residual anger that I have. I have the feeling in my stomach sometimes(more lately), that I have to screw her over. I have even copy/paste her boyfriends email into a blank e-mail, and I stare at the screen. But I close it, because I don't really want to do it, and I don't know how I'd feel if I did send it.


I don't need to watch a show. The fireworks long ended, the fire is out, the people are packed up.. I'm just waiting for those two pieces of trash to blow away.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I have even copy/paste her boyfriends email into a blank e-mail, and I stare at the screen. But I close it, because I don't really want to do it, and I don't know how I'd feel if I did send it.


I don't need to watch a show. The fireworks long ended, the fire is out, the people are packed up.. I'm just waiting for those two pieces of trash to blow away.


I'm glad you didn't do that! It would probably spell out many more months of complications with the ex. I'm sure we've all had those moments when we thought "maybe I should...", but realized it's best to let that thought pass. There really does come a point when it's easiest to do NOTHING and feel good about it. That's when you know you're over it all.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

definitely. Doing nothing and saying nothing is a very strong and very good feeling when you can just, 'put it down'.


I know I'd deep down, probably never tell on her. It's kinda like an understanding I have with myself and maybe her too a little. It's justs irking sometimes to have the thought pass, and so badly wanting to screw her over that makes me get the urge, even though when it came down to it, I know the drama flare up from it would be disgusting.


Who cares at this point. It's not like telling him anything would change their relationship anymore, and if they did get into a nasty fight and she did get hurt and he did too, what would it serve me? Sure I'd smile a little and sleep a little tighter, till the * * * * hit the fan.



Stay strong everyone, it's a good place to be when you realize your ex's are problamatic, because all in all, they are ex's for a reason, aren't they?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


  • Create New...