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now the dumper is confused!?!?!


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About 6 weeks ago my ex boy brokeup with me.. It came as a complete shock to me... I thought everything was going well.. he basically just said ' don;t know if I like you I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know"

 

now I did 6 weeks of no contact and then ran into him the other day.

 

He was incredibly uneasy and awkward about seeing me... and was trying not to look me in the eye.

 

then he talked to em and said he hoped we could still be friends... but then he couldn't even muster up the courage to say hello how are you, how've you been?"

 

anyway, I decided I would NOT be friends with him (see my view of 'being friends' in the 'getting back together forum')

 

well I ran into him again today after I wrote this email . Basically I told him that I didn't want to be friends, but would be civil with each other.. I think its incredibly immature when you know someone that you can't even nod and say hello.

 

anyway, my email wasn't rude it was just firm. I didn't put him down or say anything nasty.

 

well I couldn't believe I ran into him AGAIn today.. and he wouldn't even look at me.. I said 'hi'.. because when two people are walking down a long narrow hallway, i think it would be more uncomfortable if I said nothing.

 

so as I said, I just said "hello"... and he couldn't even look at me. He said "you're so confusing" and "its not like we have to be best friends right now"

 

I've never seen him look so uncomfortable.

 

shouldn't it be me who's acting like this? I've been distraught for the past 6 weeks and now he looked like he was going to cry and walked away from me.

 

or was i being unreasonable in saying " I don't want to be friends with you because of etc etc etc... but I will be civil to you. (we work in the same area, so we WILL run into each other again... I dont' want to be the immature one and look at walls every time I see him)

 

but yeah... its strange... I feel like I should be the one who is avoiding, and walking away mumbling aand saying "you're confusing!"

 

what the ..?!?!?!

 

any ideas?

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It's sounds like to me he either regrets breaking up with you and knows he has blown it or he has some resentment or guilt. Anyway you look at it being around each other is going to make things odd. I've never been a fan of dating a co-worker. You pretty much laid things out so a professional relationship would remain intact, I'm not sure what else you could have done.

 

RC

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thanks for your post!

 

we actually work in the same office block not together.... thank god!

 

now, the *funny* thing is I feel guilty...he didn't look angry at me to today, just incredibly sad.

 

i dont' go out of my way to see him, but as I said, the way he dumped me, with no reason, apart from yeah I don't like you ... and a bunch of crying and I don't knows... I kept 6 weeks of NC..

it was chance that I ran into him..

and he thinks I'm confusing because i say hello... yet told him i dont' wan t o be friends...

another thing he said today was that well we don't have to be friends now but soon I hope

 

I guess is it just a case of me sending an email saying I don't want to be friends with you... and then I say "hello" when I see him... is thats what confusing him??

 

I just think it would have been highly immature if when I saw him i stuck my nose in the air and we walked side by side down the hall without me saying anything... so I said "hello"

 

I can still be civil to someone and not have to be buddy buddy.

 

Why did he say" you're so confusing?"

 

why does it matter? shouldn'd I be saying that??

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id guess there was someone else... either that or that he just wasnt looking for a relationship, and once it headed there he just spooked and broke up.

 

Take a minute, and tell him that you cant be buddy buddy with someone whom you dated, had feelings for etc. but you will try to be civil and respectful when you see him at work. If he wants more than that, the ball is in his court.

 

Maybe he is hoping you will try to get him back, i dont know.

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