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Ex attempted contact several times in a week


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Keep on getting texts and a couple of phone calls from the ex wanting to hang out. It's becoming more and more frequent.

 

I've not replied to any of these efforts. I've imposed strict NC for a few months now.

 

I have no real desire to rekindle anything. But it was a long and arduous process to get to this point. I can keep on ignoring his attempts at contact, but it's frustrating me. Why can't he leave me the hell alone? What does he want now?

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Scout -- He's trying to be light-hearted, funny, and a little coaxing. Mostly along the lines of: "hey, come on, let's hang out!"

 

Rose -- what happened when you broke NC?

 

I know he's probably feeling the loss, but I just want to be left alone. I am not ready to be buddies, especially when the breakup was so difficult for me (I broke it off but wanted to reconcile, to which he said no).

 

I no longer hold resentment against him and wish him well, but I don't want to be friends and want to leave things alone.

 

Should I just reply asking him to leave me alone? Isn't that breaking NC tho?

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.

 

Should I just reply asking him to leave me alone? Isn't that breaking NC tho

 

It's hard to say. If you really still want to reconcile, you could just go for broke and reply, "Look, I am not available to "hang out." I have expressed a desire to reconcile in the past, to which you said no. I respect that and have not hounded you to change your mind, so why can't you respect and understand the fact it's going to take me time to heal and move on from our relationship - and "hanging out" with you is not conducive to that?"

 

His reply could spark a dialogue that gives you some insight into whether or not he's open to more than just hanging out.

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Coming from a male point of view, ignoring someone like this is the absolute worst thing someone can do to me esp if you said you wanted to be friends. If you cant take talking to him, write him an email that says I think its best if we dont speak anymore. The not knowing part is really painful for your ex and I think its immature if you cant be open and honest with him.

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Just ignore it.

 

Quiet is the best response.

 

When I would try to get in touch with my ex, or vice versa.. The ones that stung the most were the texts she's send to me, I'd reply and then I'd get nothing back for weeks/months...

 

Those really hurt. Knowing she got them, read them and chose to close her phone and forget it.... Like a knife reaching through the phone..

 

Ignore it..

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yeah, ignore it! I broke NC yesterday, but I feel quite good. I got an IM from her it said "Hi, paco. How are you?" I replied "I'm good, thanks." and logged off. no big deal. I already knew where it was going to go. "Let's hang, can i come over." she can go to hell, as far as i'm concerned, and everyday I become less and less concerned about what she does, who she loves, who she F**KS, or what is going on with her work, and life in genenral.

I was thinking last night, that it is ironic that she's the architect at a huge firm building a high rise in Los Angeles, doing what she wants to do, and hanging with new people, but goes home to slep in a garage with her mom and sister. She had a cool place to live, and a man who loved her to death. These are the things that through NC I can see for myself, and decide that she's no good.

when she tries to come around and "talk" about nothing, it's a fog that comes down and clouds my judgement, gives me hope for something I know there is no hope for. Ignore everything! when you feel better, maybe then you can talk to him.

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Fif, I am sorry to hear you are having complications with your ex. I don't have any experience with this because after losing interest in me and then disappearing, I have not heard from my ex (except for those nice, frilly forwards he suddenly thinks are important enough to send to me).

 

But, I would ask yourself a simple question and go from there.

 

Q: Is what I had with my ex completely over?

 

Y: Ignore him or briefly fill him in that you no longer wish to know him. Ie "Thanks for the invite, but I am not interested, not now and not ever."

 

N: Figure out exactly what you want from your ex. Do NOT let him talk you into doing something you haven't premeditated and approved of doing. You probably don't want friendship from him, because that is painful. If you want romance, then you have to evaluate the situation and discern if that is feasible or not. Ie, would you still have the same problems that caused the breakup, and do you want to risk getting hurt again by this person? Etc.

Think with your head, not your heart!

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damnit....i was doing so well and the ex's constant contact is making the hurt resurface again!

 

tonight he texted me something along the lines of "stop ignoring me, just tell me if you don't want anything to do with me ever again"

 

i gave no reply. this is just making me so incredibly sad. all the pain and anguish i felt when we broke up is coming back to me. i feel that i'm letting go of him once more, and i have to keep silent when i want to let it all out.

 

i want to let him know that i am so let down and disappointed. that i've been physically fine but a huge part of me was lost forever. all my pain had diminished with time, but sometimes, in moments like these, they come back up. the memories of the relationship become alive, and it hurts so bad...

 

i forgive him for the disappointment and i want to let go of the past. this is my way of letting go. why can't he understand for me? i'm not doing this to get back at him or to hurt him. i'm doing this to protect myself. i'm in so much pain right now..

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hulk, that was kind of insensitive. I doubt Fif's ex just wants some action, since he could get it easier from someone who would return his calls!

 

Fif, are you dating again yet? I think you should. Even if your heart is not in it yet and you're not looking for a relationship-- getting out there in the dating pool again will show you what other people have to offer, thus bringing your ex's faults-- along with your desire for something better-- to the surface. Just a thought.

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I don't believe in breaking NC, I think it's a bad idea, but if he won't leave you alone and it's really bothering you a lot then you should send him a very quick note saying you would like to be left alone. That's all you have to say. Nothing else and then continue with NC. Either that or you can change your phone number and that way he won't be able to bother you anymore. When I was in your position I chose the latter.

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