selffish girl -i am glad she ended it

[joe45]

ok what the heck is with this girl , ok heres the story. met this girl named Karen off the net, first date date was as usual we met a Richmond Centre -food court and then walked around the mall. tell u the truth this girl seems nice.

we went out for 2 months ,but only once a week , as i live out UBC area and she lives in Richmond,BC area and i have no car.

have you guys or even girl ever dated or been in a relationship wtih a so called selfish girl before-meaning she wants you to come out to her area, but isn't even at all willing to come half way and make it convient for you-this is b/c i have no car and if i did i would't always go to her area-its an 1 hr 20 min bus ride. but the thing is when u ask her to come out half way-lets say to downtown vancouver-she gives a hestitant answer , like she reluctant to meet you there. What a self fish girl. this happened for 2 months and like 10 to 1, and that one time she met me she was late and was like ah i don't now where the Central library is ah and had hard time finding Robson ST lol. Even my friend from BBy nows Central library and Robson St.

 

when we go out and eat at the end i would pay, which wasn't much its was like 13 bucks on her part, and she saying thanks , then she'll say i get the ice cream, when we go there and its come to paying she waits and witht he corner of her eye she looking at me like "ah i still expect you to pay". i'm like in my mind yea right i already paid for ur dinner. if your going say your gonna pay for the ice cream - since i did pay for your dinner, then do it.

 

man even if i had a car i doubt i be driving her around and going all the way out to Richmond , jsut to see her, i mean she'll have to make a effort to come to a place more convient for me too. i mean what happened with me was i went out to her area like i said 10 to 1-bus ride 1 hr 10-20 minutes. Even if i had a car , i wouldnt be able to get a nice vehicle and with gas prices so high its like come on, be more considerate. She at time would even make a fuss about me not having a car-"when are you going to get a car", "can you afford a car", "too bad you can't come out and watch the 12 midnight showing of Pirate of Caribbeans -, you don't have a car" .....etc...ok ok i just finish College and jsut started working now how the heckl you expect me to get a car. my folks aren't goin buy me one.

man i glad this girl ended the dating / relationship with me, thinkin now i'm so happy

 

hey guys what do you think, advice , comments and suggestions, ever had this type of selfish girl

[Jayar]

The guy should go to meet the girl in her "territory" the first couple of times. That said, it's her choice whether she dates a guy at all who has no car. Also, your "relationship" was long distance... Sometimes, for this reason, LD relationships don't work. It isn't selfishness. It just didn't work for you two.

 

I'm sure there are enough guys in her neck of the woods that if what she really wants is a guy to pick her up and take her out (rather than HER going to him or meeting half way) then she can find one. Similarly, you can find a girl who doesn't care that you don't have a car.

[joe45]

its not long distance , iits just the bus -public transit is very slow. i think from UBC to richmond is only like 10-20 miles , but the bus was slow and took 1 hr 10 min

[southerngirl]

Does she have a car?

 

 

I guess you would call me selfish then because whenever I was 'courted' and thats what I would call it being taken out on a date.... The man paid. I would tell him upfront i have no money and make a point of not paying.

 

Once the relationship progessed to where we were no longer dating but in a serious relationship sure, id share expenses then.

 

Also he would have to come and take me out like a real date.. I would not be going an hour away to meet him anywhere. Selfish? I dont think so... I prefer to call it old fashioned? Demanding respect??

 

Worked for me Im married now..

[Jayar]

its not long distance , iits just the bus -public transit is very slow. i think from UBC to richmond is only like 10-20 miles , but the bus was slow and took 1 hr 10 min

 

Ah okay! I thought it was a drive of over an hour. Basically you're in a situation where a girl has this idea of what a "date" is, and you are having a hard time accommodating it.

 

Think about this for a second: Can you remember your BIGGEST crush EVER? You know, that girl you thought about all through school? Now, if she had agreed to date you, but it required YOU to go see HER, then would you have done it? Probably, and you would have enjoyed every minute of that 1+ hour bus ride...

 

The reason we girls are like that, and make YOU do the work, is because we like to weed out the guys that are just not into us from the get go. Less heartbreaking that way. Even as it is, a few slip through the cracks and we find out later. But if I think back to all the guys I could easily have dated if I went out of my way at all for them... Well, I'd have had a lot more boyfriends. But I don't think I'd be any further ahead.

 

To sum it up, THAT girl you met wants a GUY who feels about HER the way YOU felt about you super-huge crush... The one you WOULD have happily travelled an hour to see a few times a week. And if that's what she wants, she should go out and get it.

[gattsuga]

some girls.... actually a LOT of girls like to be pampered and treated like a princess. This includes taking an hour bus ride, paying for dinner for the first few weeks, you taking the effort to make her feel special. she was probably brought up thinking that's the way a guy would treat a girl if he really liked her.

 

so yeah, girlfriends are kind of expensive sometimes but hey if she's worth it, i'd have no problem spending money on her

[FifthLine]

On the other hand there are guys who like to weed out girls who think all the work should be done by the guys and who take advantage of him by making him pay for her night-out. Girls who take advantage of guys seldom change even when the relationship progresses - they seem to think in terms of entitlement and are rarely worth it. Weeding out can cut both ways. The woman who acts like a princess hardly ever is one.

 

Edited post

[Jayar]

On the other hand there are guys who like to weed out girls who think all the work should be done by the guys and who take advantage of him by making him pay for her night-out. Girls who take advantage of guys seldom change even when the relationship progresses - they seem to think in terms of entitlement and are rarely worth it. Weeding out can cut both ways.

 

When you meet a girl who's worth it, I don't believe you'll look at it this way. Keep in mind there are GOLD-DIGGERS and then there are girls (such as myself) who simply want to weed out the incompatible personalities early on. I'm ecstatic if the guy sends me a text message during the day to say he was thinking about me, or brings me a wild flower bouquet. Or takes a 1-hour bus ride to come watch television with me... And I'm worth it. AND if a guy considers that "all the work" at the beginning and he doesn't feel I'm worth doing "all the work" well then I can take him or leave him.

 

At the beginning of a relationship, sorry to say, it IS the guy's job to do all the work. And it's the girl's job to be sweet and pretty and appreciative... Once a relationship starts and the courtship phase gives way to long-term plans, the girl should carry her weight. And MOST will.

 

He travels, he pays, he calls. That's the way it works until she's YOUR girl. Then she'll start opening up in great new ways. JMO.

[southerngirl]

On the other hand there are guys who like to weed out girls who think all the work should be done by the guys and who take advantage of him by making him pay for her night-out. Girls who take advantage of guys seldom change even when the relationship progresses - they seem to think in terms of entitlement and are rarely worth it. Weeding out can cut both ways. The woman who acts like a princess hardly ever is one.

 

A man would treat me like a princess or we just wouldnt date. Thats how I was raised. .... Granted Im in the south in the usa.. its all about culture. Anyone that has dated me has even assumed thats just how it was.

 

Dont know how many didnt want to date me because I wanted to be treated like a lady, but in the end that was okay with me.. because well... they arent worth my time either.

[FifthLine]

Any woman who takes advantage of her gender to get special treatment, special privileges and especially who expects money to be spent on her in order to win her favour is no lady in my opinion. A lady is someone who gives as well as receives, who recognises equality means doing your share to make a relationship work and who treats a man with the same amount of unselfish respect as she demands.

 

Or she just is not worth it.

[Jayar]

A man would treat me like a princess or we just wouldnt date. Thats how I was raised. .... Granted Im in the south in the usa.. its all about culture. Anyone that has dated me has even assumed thats just how it was.

 

Dont know how many didnt want to date me because I wanted to be treated like a lady, but in the end that was okay with me.. because well... they arent worth my time either.

 

Haha! Southerngirl... I love you! We are exactly the same! But now of course for those guys that DO treat you like a lady and DO "make the cut" then it certainly isn't a one-sided relationship at all which I'm sure you'll be first to admit.

 

I used to accept less from guys than I deserved. WAY less. In fact, my last relationship was arguably less than I deserved... My mother said I should wait for the one who treats me like a princess, because if a guy DOESN'T then it just means that YOU are not HIS princess!

 

I believe that for every guy out there who says things should be "equal" and "she should do half the work" there is a GIRL out there who will make him eat his words. He just hasn't found her yet!

[FifthLine]

Oh, I found mine. She is so worth it.

[southerngirl]

Your right, maybe he just hasnt met his princess yet.

 

In the beginning the courtship phase... I want to be romanced and dated. This is an indication of the future... I want a man who will think I am the best thing since sliced bread, luckily I think I have found him and in March, we will have been married 3 years.

 

Oh sure took me a while to find him but I did. Once the relationship moves past the 'courtship' phase and into a more solid relationship, thats when I would be willing to foot the bill on dates, etc... before that a man better not ask me out on a date unless he expects to pay for it.

 

But in turn, Im the type that wouldnt call up and invite a man on a date either. Sure, I may call and chat, but they do the inviting. I wait and see if they want to date me. Hope that makes sense... but otherwise, if I was going to pay for myself Id rather go by myself or with friends... not a 'so called' date.

[Jayar]

I think the issue here is we are confusing girls who demand respect with "gold diggers" and "divas"... I am certainly neither.

 

But the fact is, in the animal world (of which we are a part) the guy courts the girl. That's the way it goes. My ex was wonderful throughout our relationship and he bought me TONS of little tokens and trinkets, and paid for just about every outing we ever went on... But then we had plans to marry, and I swore that for his 40th birthday I'd buy him that brand new Porsche he has wanted all his life... Why? Becase I love him. And because I could have afforded to do that for him, so why not? See the difference between me and a gold-digger?

 

In retrospect, I'm glad I didn't buy him the Porsche... He probably would have ended up using it to pick up a chick to replace me anyway! Hehehe... It's good to be at a point post-break-up that you can actually laugh about things like that.

[southerngirl]

Yeah see that is the problem. Everygirl that wants to be courted is not a gold-digger. But then there are other females that give girls like me a bad name.

 

Its like my dad told me when I was just 16 and starting to date. A boy will come here to the house and PICK YOU UP or you will not date him.

 

He said that boy will be a gentleman or he isnt worth your time..

 

I guess that stuck with me somewhere.

[NJRon]

By two months into the relationship, she should be excited to be spending time with you. That means she should be willing to make some concessions... if she is not willing to start meeting you half way and contribute in her own right, I would suspect that's the way she will be moving forward. If she's worth that to you... then keep on going, because you are setting the stage for the rest of your relationship to be like this.

 

Compromise comes from both sides and you seem to have valid reasons... and not just trying to get her to compromise for its own sake.

[Jayar]

But in turn, Im the type that wouldnt call up and invite a man on a date either. Sure, I may call and chat, but they do the inviting. I wait and see if they want to date me. Hope that makes sense... but otherwise, if I was going to pay for myself Id rather go by myself or with friends... not a 'so called' date.

 

This is a key! If I do the inviting (which I don't for guys I'm seriously interested in dating/relationship) then I pay. I also of course pay for birthdays and celebrations (i.e. promotion at work, etc...)

 

I did have a guy expect me to pay my way on a date once, and I did happily. I just never saw him again. If a guy asks me to pay on a first date I will. But there won't be a second date. Actually that probably applies to the first several dates. I won't date a guy who EXPECTS me to pay, ever. If he complains, then that will be the last date. I haven't really run into that problem often however.

 

In general I will offer to pay as "my treat" around about the 4th or 5th date. This is probably about a month into things, since I generally only see a guy once a week at first. After that point I probably pay for 1/3 to 1/4 of our dates (going out more frequently) until we're an official COUPLE (meaning he has asked me to be exclusive with him, and I have agreed) and at that point it's very nearly half and half. By this point too, we're probably spending a lot of time together. I do, however, ALWAYS leave the ball in his court to do the asking and calling.

[Jayar]

when we go out and eat at the end i would pay, which wasn't much its was like 13 bucks on her part, and she saying thanks , then she'll say i get the ice cream, when we go there and its come to paying she waits and witht he corner of her eye she looking at me like "ah i still expect you to pay". i'm like in my mind yea right i already paid for ur dinner. if your going say your gonna pay for the ice cream - since i did pay for your dinner, then do it.

 

See, if SHE said she'd get the ice cream, then she definitely should have payed! I wouldn't have said anything about ice cream or paying... If you would have wanted to go for ice cream, then yes, I would have expected you to pay... Even after you paid for dinner.

 

man even if i had a car i doubt i be driving her around and going all the way out to Richmond , jsut to see her, i mean she'll have to make a effort to come to a place more convient for me too.

 

JUST to see her?! What better reason could there be?! In my opinion, for my ideal guy, there could BE no better reason than me to drive "all the way out to Richmond". And it's true, I wouldn't be compatible with a lot of guys... But I don't need a lot. I only need ONE. And so does this girl.

 

 

She at time would even make a fuss about me not having a car-"when are you going to get a car", "can you afford a car", "too bad you can't come out and watch the 12 midnight showing of Pirate of Caribbeans -, you don't have a car" .....etc...ok ok i just finish College and jsut started working now how the heckl you expect me to get a car. my folks aren't goin buy me one.

 

Some girls don't date guys who don't drive. I don't. I don't care WHAT kind of car he drives, as long as it works to get from Point A to Point B, enables him to pick me up for a date, and allows him to share driving responsibility on long road trips (even if we take MY car). This is the main reason I don't date most guys in the city.

 

Also, a lot of girls, especially those with good education and jobs don't WANT to date someone who can't afford a car. Even a very cheap car that is good on gas. No one said you needed a Corvette!

 

man i glad this girl ended the dating / relationship with me, thinkin now i'm so happy

 

Next time, if you're not happy, you can end it too!

[joe45]

i so agree with NJRON within 2 months at least she could have done was meet me half way yea not in my area but half way so its good for both of us. but with her answer when i asked her its was so hestiant

 

even if i had a car u really expect me to drive her around and go to her area . lol i ain;lt no chauffeur. i talked to other girls about this and even they agree with me. this girl is just a user and selffish , and she was overweight too -didn;t notice that till she wore tighter clothes-yuck

[Jayar]

...she was overweight too -didn;t notice that till she wore tighter clothes-yuck

 

Yup, this DEFINITELY shows maturity and respect. Heck, maybe she sensed you thought she was "yucky" and didn't feel you were worth continuing with? I know I certainly wouldn't meet someone half way that thought I was "yucky"... At least one of you ended it. You're obviously BOTH better off without one another.

 

In the future, maybe try and date girls who are a little closer to you, and perhaps live on your bus route. Don't laugh either... A good friend of mine recently moved in with his dream girl... Who lived 3 streets down from him. He doesn't have a car either, so this was a bit of a limiting factor. But you'll meet the people you're meant to meet, car or no car.