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Just REALLY overwhelmed - he's too slick for me


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I am getting over a very difficult breakup with a semi-deranged man (he is!). Anyway, I told him I didn't want to be friends with him as this whole relationship has been very damaging to me, my life and my own self-esteem.


Anyway, we split up (for the fifth time) 10 days ago when he said he COULDN'T commit to anyone and would do exactly what he pleased (including sex with others, IF he felt like it, and not seeing me for weeks, if he DIDN'T feel like it). How could someone resist such a tempting offer?! Anyway, I told him this was it and that we couldn't be friends. Since then:


1. He got a friend to call me and ask me to do him this favour (which I didn't)

2. He called me three days later and I picked up by mistake as I was in a restaurant. He wanted to know who I was with!

3. He called me a again a couple of days later several times, but I didn't return his calls

4. He met me at a party and asked me to come over and speak with him in private (I didn't). He kept trying to get my attention - I didn't even make eye contact.

5. Yesterday, he turned up at my house and asked me to come outside. I gave up and went and sat in his car and asked him what he wanted from me. He said that he didn't understand why I was acting like his enemy. He found it unnecessary. I was giving just one-word answers at which he got annoyed and said I was being 'difficult'. But he did control his temper this once. And then - the icing on the cake - he said he would be willing to forgive me this time but not next time ! And then he invited me to his place and got annoyed when I refused. And then he invited me next week - and when I refused again he said 'Fine, be horrible to me'. Anyway, I just said 'I have to go inside', he kissed me on the forehead and said 'I'll see you some other time, darling'.


I mean, I am just stunned. Just stunned. And really sad. I don't know why I posted this - I know what everyone will say 'Stay away, NC and all' - and I know that. I'm really just posting because I am sad. Sad at being SO insignificant in this person's life that my ending the relationship hasn't even registered on him. Sad that he has so little respect for me that I have been going through HEARTBREAK and he just waltzs up and suggests we hook up and have sex. Sad that even when I was being as communicative as a corpse, he ended it like it was the perfect date. I don't even know how to feel - it's as if I don't exist.


I am just feeling a bit overwhelmed by it all. Thanks for listening/reading. Writing it has been cathartic.

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Hey SN, Hugs


I can see you are going through a great deal of pain.


He is acting very nonchalant and has caused you a great deal of pain.


But yet he acts as though he is so happy and everything is going great.


He clearly lacks respect for you and although it hurts, with time the pain will subside.


He is selfish: he tells you he cannot commit and will do as he pleases.


Love is about compromise, not about one's own selfish means.


Let him adore his image in the mirror, because you sure won't and no other woman will either.


Hugs. Rose

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I went through something similar with my alcoholic ex. He kept coming around/calling/acting as if there was something to salvage or as if we'd never broken up at all.


Hard as it is, you have to keep drawing that line -- don't talk to him (except to tell him to leave you alone), don't take his calls, don't get drawn into his game.


If he still keeps bugging you, find out what you'd have to do to get a restraining order. If you find the process to get one is something you're willing to go through, when you get really fed up, put him on notice that you WILL do that if he keeps bothering you. Don't make that threat unless you're willing to follow through, though....that's why you do your homework first and find out how to go about getting a restraining order/protective order BEFORE you ever mention it.


Just putting my alcoholic ex on notice that I was ready, willing and able to do that cooled his jets considerably. He stopped bugging me almost immediately after that. ('course, he already had a few DUI's and didn't need any further involvement from the nice police officers in his life, so that may have provided him with extra motivation.)

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Thanks, Rose, your posts always make me feel better, It's just that feeling that someone 'nothings' you, is sometimes worse than someone disliking you...


And by the way, I like your def of happy people. It's very true. And inspiring!


So what if this man was awful to me? I have a great family and fab friends, a great career which is going places and alot of other stuff going for me. I could have lost someone close, or had some awful disease or some horrible thing happen. But no, just one freak-show (acknowledged by all as the freak-show of all freak-shows) messed me around? So what? Worse things happen on the planet, every minute. To my credit I gave him a chance when EVERYONE told me he was a pathetic loser. I don't regret that. He just showed me he WAS a pathetic loser after all. Now I know. OK, so it came at the cost of several tears, but hey, I came out a stronger person...

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In time you'll see things for how they really are. You are lucky to be out of this. This guy is a pathetic loser. I'll add to teh chorus. Just be patient. One day it'll start like a slow locomotive until you fully realize that he wasn't the one for you. Probably not good for anyone at this point in his life. He sounds like a total toad. Later you'll laugh when you realize you wasted your time on a toad. Right now it sucks that you lost self esteem over a guy you initially didn't want to give the tiem of day. I have had those days not too long ago. It happens to the best of us. Just don't ever let that happen again. Don't let anyone bring you down again. Someone who's right for you wouldn't.

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Sad now,


I'm not an expert in love and I accidently gave my heart to a player who just told me today, "Whenever you're lonely one night in the future, just give me a call. If I'm not serious with anyone, I'll more than likely come over." Ugh, I can never speak to him again!!!!! He told me I should at least respect him for saying how he felt. Is he trying to make himself out to be a jerk? Men who say crap like that honestly are the ones with no self-esteem...I'm glad I read your post and it will all be better for you soon!

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Thanks again for your comments. I was feeling a little lonely this morning - nothing like a few comforting words to strengthen your resolve to stay away.


I'm only Sleeping, I understand how you're feeling. My ex told me that he would feel free to sleep with anyone he wanted and (A) he didn't understand why I was upset because his relationships with other women had nothing to do with his relationship with me (B) I should feel flattered that he was telling me the truth because usually he 'didn't believe in honesty to women' but I was different because I was 'special to him' and he 'really respected me!'. What can you do when someone turns logic right over on its head? I think men like this get a power trip from saying things like this and then having the woman come right back. They ARE toads - you're right

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