Not depressed but not happy

[elusivejc]

Hey does anyone else get the impression they've been sad, then miserable, then depressed, then not really had anywhere to go but numb?

I feel like I've dealt with enough and realised enough to see that I'm just not a worthwhile existence on the planet. It's not misery, it's not sadness it's not depression, it's just really the casual contemplation that I'm not worth anything to anyone. The thought of what is the point of making a living for the next 50 years just to have nothing to show for it, be constantly aware that no matter what I do is of no interest to anyone, and die alone, having meant nothing to anyone but family whome have an interest merely to the extent of what's socially expected of them. Why should I have to put up with laws that stop me from annhialating people who can't drive when my only contact with the human world is being a taxpayer and traffic? I just don't see the point if nothing I do matters, I could have an exciting career, keep myself entertained, be loving it, but it all seems kind of empty without someone being there to enjoy it with me...

 

I'll finish there, I just want to see if anyone else feels so consciously and calmly aware that they are meaningless like myself and don't see the point...

JC

[allgood]

then try to share it with someone

even though they were fake etc

get hurt by relationship at least to feel sad again

or do skydiving and scare ur nuts off

go bungy jumping

and after all these things u still fear rejection etc or asking a girl out then just do it

get out there and try to hook

theres so much online dating services its not funny

if ur not religious try those adult match maker ones

how old r u any way???

[GottaLetItBurn]

I know what you mean. I think about the future, and only see it in an empty light. Though, me and you could never know if we will be happy until that time comes.

 

Love, always seems just around the corner doesn't it. Or maybe your waiting or it? You see you have to stop doing that.

 

The first girl I ever really cared about, I wanted her like crazy, she came from no where. Love doesn't come knockin eveerday. You have to keep going to see if it's going to happen in your life.

 

Im where your at, but maybe a little depressed. Im only 19, whole world in front of me..just like you. You gotta keep going. Suicide isn't the answer. unless your in a great deal of pain.

 

Then all any of us could do was say a prayer and hope you found the peace life couldn't give you. They have medicine to help with the pain, and if your not there, I would suggest you keep going.

 

I want to give up sometimes, but really, all it takes sometims is one good day to be glad Im still here. Sometimes it just takes a long time to have one of those days, lifes ups and downs.

[elusivejc]

Hey thanks for the replies. I'm 23, and yeah I have almost completed a degree in something that could be very profitable, so no argument there.

 

Again I'm not in pain, I just don't care anymore. I drive as fast as I can get away with (you can tell I'm a bit of a car person, that's where my career is going), because I'm not afraid. If I have to fix something at a high place I'll just do it, so what if I fall, I'm pretty cluey and know I won't but so what if I do. I don't think I'd ever bother to die as a conscious decision, just if I did I'd not be worried about myself, but about what it'd do to mum. It seems odd that that's the only reason I can think of why it would be a bad thing if I were not around.

 

It's like killing myself is just as reasonable an option as making a successful career, like I almost think about both equally. I spose when something good happens on the career front it's cool and feels good and I think less about the dying option, but anything bad happening had the opposite effect. Like for most people they have to be absolutely emotionally destroyed to want to kill themselves, like if normal is 5 and extatic is 10, then suicide would be 0.1. For me suicide is anything below 5, if life is not being fun and since it's pointless anyway, anything less than a neutral 5 is justification.

 

Re: finding someone I spose my reason for coming here is cause I've pretty much accepted that can't ever happen, I've had something fall apart before it began recently and life has dipped below the 5 mark for a few months. It's annoying, by age 16 I'd accepted nothing could ever happen for me, at 19 something started that lasted a bit more than a year which subsequently exploded. I held the confidence that things could always happen until this the second opportunity which seems to have confirmed my original conclusion, and that the first gf was just a rare and strange anomaly...The reasons for that are hazy but the result is quite certain.

 

That dip below five is almost a mechanical reaction, it's not an emotion really, it's just an assessment of how much fun it isn't. It's like I've taken lifetime of emotional energy and burned it all up in a few short years, now I'm just worn out and careless.

 

BTW thanks for the do something crazy idea, I agree that getting out and doing something exciting would help things and am still pondering taking hang gliding courses - just the career might get in the way of that yet.

 

Thanks for the time

JC

[Spugly Fuglet]

Your depressed that stands out a mile, I know just how it feel I wish I did not but on my black days your words are my words, whats the point of it all, why try, I hate myself, I wish I was dead the list gos on and on. I found the only way I can deal with it is to see my depressen as not being part of me but of my illness, Its the price I pay for my up times when im running on hyper. Up and down up and down, thats my life.

 

Seeing my depressen as a thing apart means when I say bad things to my selfs about self harm and self hate I know there lies sent by a dark me, I can counter them 99% of the time now, by just seeing there fake feelings, (I do the same when I hyper and have feeling im god to all lies)

 

I find I can get in with life and fit in with out acting the feark,

But for that 1% of the time when I can not lock depressen away I do to the docs a get Happy pills, I feel no shame in this I know not doing it could cost me my life and couse grate pain to thows that know and love me.

 

Thats what I do I have a plain I use when Im depressed and for me it works, I think thats what you need a good plain and then use it.

[Carl5000]

why, do u have ur self-esteem wrapped in your career? thats the problem status aniexty- having to keep up with the jones's. I believe some people set themselves unrealistic goals and can't be satisfied with mediocrity. Which leads to unhappiness.]

 

Just working, putting time into your beliefs would help alot. Perhaps, you aren't producing enough dopamine, nor-ardenaline or senatonin at the moment and going on some prozac for a few months might help you. I'd just visit your doctor and explain to him how you feel. Feeling empty is a major indication of depression and many doctors will give u meds predominately based on that alone.

 

I aint one for medication though. I believe most depression can be overcome through cognitive behaviour therapy. I know a good book which helped me ;

 

link removed or

 

link removed

 

btw, i can empathize with you people - i've been dianosed recently with bi-polar depression and was advised to go on lithium but declined. I prefer to educate myself and learn of ways to cope.

 

As Nietzsche would say ' life is about the passions' find something you love and the enjoyment will follow. Or a book title i once saw 'find something you enjoy and the money will follow' so very true. Just seek that passion and be glad to be alive. I take note of even the simple aspects of life now - a beautiful sun rise, friendships im just grateful.

 

I often feel guilty for my feelings, as we are all very fortunate in a sense. How do people in third world countries cope? look at ww2 and the atrocities of stalin and hilter - starvation, handicaps, lost loved ones, purges. yet, i used to get depressed because im single, dyslexic, bi-polar, crappy job, tiny * * * *ed(ahh) and why me. I just learnt to accept it, the best i can as thats the only way. I'm very fortunate to have a job, to eat and have my health, many arent so lucky.

 

As dala lami once said ' why worry about things, what you can't change'. Not very productive advice, but so true. or Seneca from AD60 rome who just accepted fate and life for what it is and reasoned his way through it. Basically life isn't fair and just deal with. When faced with his exercution by nero, he took it without a whimper or moan and just casually accepted his fate and proceeded to slit his wrists.

 

Life isn't full of fairness with its arrows and bullets - life can be very unjust at times. btw, this isn't easy and takes olot of conscious effort - but workign at your perspectives can pay off in the end as im starting to find out - although i still have a long way to go.

[GottaLetItBurn]

Yea, I think your actually just going through a stage in life. You should google positive disintegration. There is a link in the Wikapedia definition to Erikson's stages of psychosocial development. It talks about the stages of life. Believe me, I know some degree of what your feeling. The part about how you seem to only care about your mother.

 

I remember feeling anxiety and depression really bad, crying, and I felt in a completely different reality. The only person I thought was "real" was my mom. She was my silver cord back to my sanity. It's the best way I know how to put it.

 

I feel like giving up too, but at the same time I couldn't kill myself.

Same time I have no fear of death.

 

Funny how when your a kid, and everything is fun you hope you will be alive forever. Death is this unimaginable thing that you dont ever want to happen.

 

Then something happens, or life wears you down and you go into this mode where death doesn't look so bad. I thinks it's our mind growing, a stage of life, spiritual growth I guess you could call it. It is hard though, I have to say, times can get pretty hopeless. Your not alone though. Stay up..your mom needs you, people are going to need you in there life. You just have to keep going.