Please help - getting my nose rubbed in it

[Nick_t]

My ex split up with me bout 2 months ago after nearly 2 years of being together. She wanted to be on her own, and has said she genuinly did, but admitted to me last week she has fallen really hard for some other guy. She studies at the same uni I work at, and this guy is in my circle of friends and I have only just got to know him too.

 

She is now rubbing my nose in it now everytime I go out with the boys, she is there and flirts, kisses this guy, etc in my face. I even see them going home together!!! I was so back on track and this last week since everyone has returned to University and going out I see her all the time. I have been ignoring her ever since the end of last week as this was when it all started. She firstly admitted how much she liked him, then has been flirting with him in front of me, I even stayed round his house on Sunday after a big night out and she came down in the morning in his clothes - that would have been our 2 year anniversary. Now last night again I was out with my friends, who she is friends with too and I was having a good time and showing her this - so she led this guy away onto the dancefloor and looked at me whilst she did it. Later I walked past them whilst they were kissing and cheered and carried on dancing. They both looked so awkward.

 

This morning I am hurting so much, I feel like I am going to have a breakdown, I'm not motivated to do any work at my workplace, I see her all the time at Uni, I feel I have to sack off my social life to just stop torturing me. I am very empty, sad, depressed the list goes on, and I just don't know what to do anymore!!

 

I was doing so well, we were still friends and and loved each others company, now we don't talk, she has moved on after dumping me and is just rubbing it in my face, after a great 2 year relationship!! She has been telling everyone last week, and since we split how I am the greatest guy ever!

 

She is ruining my life!! Please help!!

[Sad_now]

Wow. That sounds awful. First of all, she seems to be lacking basic empathy and sensitivity. This is not the way to behave...AT ALL. Having said that, what are you doing, staying at the house of this 'new' guy?!!!! I mean, it boggles the mind why you would put yourself up for that. It's hard enough to deal with the fact that our ex may be interested in someone - even that feels like a slap on the face - but to actually sleep at that person's house - knowing the ex is there?????? WHYYYY????

 

Don't do this to yourself - stay away from them both. If she CONTINUES to try and make you feel bad either 1 - she's has no taste or class 2 - she's not over you. Either way, you will emerge from this a stronger and better person.

 

And don't react to her - it just dignifies her behaviour. If she kisses him, and you don't react, you will have gained SO much respect from EVERYONE while she'll just look like a prat.

 

All the best!

[Siriana]

Hi. Your situation is definitely not the best to be in.

She is showing no empaty or respect toward your feelings. She is not doing this to rub your nose in it, but because she's insensitive. It is logical that if she dating someone new, you will see them together, but since it is not so long since the split up, making out infront of you is not a nicest thing to do.

 

Unfortunately you can do nothing about it, except avoiding them. I advise you to do so.

 

I think you can hang around with some other people and have fun too.

 

Situation is not the best but you need to promise to yourself that you will not let her to ruin your days on uni.

[southerngirl]

Stay away from her, your only hurting yourself. She is rubbing it in your face and it isnt right. Like suggested above, dont react to her no matter what your feeling or thinking. Dont give her any satisfaction if she is playing games on purpose.

[LostAngel]

Hi Nick_T

 

 

This is shocking. She is so not worth it.

 

 

You need to show her how you are the "greatest guy ever" by showing her you are worth so much more.

 

Try to stay away as much as you can & don't let her carry on with these displays of affection right in front of you. It's almost like she is trying to get a reaction out of you. On purpose.

 

She is heartless for doing this.

 

 

I really think you need to cut ties & let her have what she "thinks" is a better option. Believe me she is not over you & this is a rebound which will not last & if you keep taking this she will just fall back on you when it doesn't work out & after the way she has behaved & treated you with this she doesn't deserve you. You deserve better.

 

 

Hope you are okay

 

 

Send me aa PM if you wanna chat.

 

 

 

LostAngel

[iceman85]

Wow your strong if you can deal with seeing that, I know myself I'd probably become ill or just lose it if I saw that. Everyones right, try and avoid him and her, this way you dont have to see this and you wont be in as much pain. Your time to go out should be your time to get over everything and have fun and relax not be inflicted with even more pain.

[Clementine orange]

Woah, dude, I feel for you. I've been on the recieving end of that BS before. All I can say is walk away....now!

 

In the imortal words of some 70s pop star "if there's no audience there just ain't no show".

 

Like other posters, I'm not sure how you put up with it for this long, man you're strong! That woman is a b****** (sorry)

 

oh yeah, one more thing, don't think for a moment that the new guy isn't seeing this too - he's probably wondering when he will be on the recieving end of this act.

[Nick_t]

Hi guys,

 

Update - spoke to my ex's best friend on Tuesday night. She said that I and my ex should really speak to each other and be more grown up about the whole situation. Especially as we see each other practically everyday and share the same friends.

 

On Wednesday - I saw her all day at a Fresher's Fair, she was on a stall and I was working. We made eye contact and so I spoke to her, and then all day we got on like a house on fire again. We decided we needed to talk - and talked a little about our issues. I said how difficult it was to see she has found someone else, and she said that she hadn't found someone else, she is just taking each day as it comes.

 

I'm not saying we have become best mates again, far from it, but she says she hasn't found someone else, she is just enjoying the single life and convienience of this new guy. She likes him but they are not going out. It's weird. He is a guy who she has a crush on, meets up when they are out in the bar/club, kisses, goes home with etc but is this a massive rebound?

 

I miss her to bits, yesterday I was ill, first time since we split and normally she would look after me, and it made me sad as all I wanted was her company. I miss everything we had in the last two years, memories keep flooding back and its killing me. And the wqorst thing is I have to deal with the fact she is sleeping with this new guy now, even though she is not serious about him. She seems to only be sleeping with him when they both get drunk after a night out - it kills me.

[majord23]

Nick,

I literally felt a twang of pain when I read your post mate - ouch. You cannot put yourself in these situations any more. Stay away from her when socialising and give her as wide a berth as possible any other time.

[rightfromthestart]

is everyone really that fragile out there in enotalone land? like, helllllllllllllllllllllllllo! deep breath everyone. sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesh

[majord23]

is everyone really that fragile out there in enotalone land? like, helllllllllllllllllllllllllo! deep breath everyone. sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesh

 

So you could happily stay at your ex's (who you're not over yet) new boyfriend's house while they are upstairs having sex?

 

......the only soldier in line, huh?

[Nick_t]

The hard thing is our uni is quite a small place - we share all the same friends and her new "friend" is best mates with all my mates. I only just got to know him recently before all this started to happen because he hangs out and is friends with all mine. So I see him all the time, and I see her all the time. I don't know what to do - I work in a students union where I see all my mates living the student lifestyle including my ex and I have to work 9-5. I have no motivation do to anything including my job. I am just putting on a big brave face and know i will be a stronger person when I come out of it. People say it will take time, but I know it is going to take a lot of time. I cannot even start to think about dating other girls or chatting other girls up, because what I had with my ex was so special, and she admits it was too, and says to her friends I was the mot amazing person ever.

 

I am so lost!!

[Juliana]

Sounds familiar. She's a pig. Thank the good Lord you're away from her. Eventually the pain will end, and then you'll feel contempt. Which is all she deserves.

[Nick_t]

I'm not really away from her though am I as I have to suffer everyday as I see her practically everyday.

 

Does what we had mean nothing to her?

 

I mean it meant everything to me and I really would do anything to get it back.

 

She is moving on, but her life is so free at the moment, she can do anything. I feel like I do because I am stuck in a 9-5 job and do not have that freedom all my mates and she does to just do whatever take my fancy.

 

When I was with her my job was great and even on bad days she would just brighten up my day by just phoning or txting. Or i would look forward to just seeing her after work, noew I don't have that. I see her yes but not in the same way, I now see her with someone else.

 

I am hurting and feel like I could have a breakdown any moment. I have been so strong up to now I don't think I can be any stronger!!!

[Siriana]

How nice of her, she is s.... around and tells you that. She could be more descreet. But it seems you can't count on her beeing more sympatetic.

Arghhh.... it really sucks.

 

Well I suggest you one thing, it helps me, because I am pretty much stubborn, and I have a lot of personal pride (to much). Try looking things objectively: you are on your uni to work and to study. Your main goal is to finish your classes. This is the reason you got in. Now, also this is one of the most important goals in your life - to gain education. Put all of you efforts into that. As a usefull revenge - and as a way to do something good for you.

[Nick_t]

hey guys,

 

What has happened over the last two months has really hit me hard, i know i'm growing as a stronger person because of it, and when I think how this experience will put me in such a good position later in life, that is what keeps me going.... although its hard.

 

We met up to chat on Friday and had a coffee. I told her how hard I was finding it all, told her from my heart what I was thinking, but didn't show emotion, just calm collected and to ask if she could just consider what position I am in. She couldn't say sorry enough, and said she hates who she is at the moment, what she has done, and how she has been a real b***h.

 

she told me not worry about what is going on with this new bloke - as it is a one way interest (from her) and he is still in love with his ex (she said he is not as interested as much she is in him) and she will probably be hurt and deserves to get hurt. When we said goodbye it was a small hug, kiss on the cheek and I said take care of yourself.

 

She shouldn't really be saying all of this, but we both promised we would always be honest with each other, and to be honest myself it gets easier everytime she does mention she has feelings fot his guy.

 

Saw her out later that night and siad hello, again little kiss on the cheek and got on with my night having a good time. I could tell she was looking over quite a lot of the time, and when some girls were dancing with me she got one of my friends to call me over to get a drink (who she had just been chatting to).

 

It just seems all so quick - literally 2 months ago she was so loved up with me - people use to say how we will be together forever, and how she would never stop talking about me, never take her eyes off me. And now she already has these feelings for this guy who she doesn't really know. And says it won't happen because he is still in love with his ex, not the other way round. But hey, least its been left civil, I showed her the other night I wasn't bothered, told her how I felt, and finally I'm sort of accepting how she feels right now. There is no longer that hope she will realise she's made a mistake.

 

Is this just a classic rebound where he is what she thinks she wants, thinks she likes but is just a phase and a knock on effect from our break? Do you tink she still might realise she's made a mistake. Interesting.

 

How can someone so in love with someone have such strong feelings for someone they have only just met? I feel if she starts to see me with someone else, getting together with someone else her true feelings will show again, but it might be too late?

[motog]

get outa there! save yourself from any more of this pain!

stay safe

[Siriana]

Yeah, don't calculate. Even if she were jelous on you, when you start dating, and having fun, it says only about her immaturity, not about real feelings for you. Avoid that mind games, they will make your pain last longer.

[Nick_t]

Hi guys,

 

Just like to say thanks for all your useful comments.

 

Just to let you all know, its still hard but trying to take one day at a time.

 

Went out last night - when I saw her in the bar she kept grabbing my arm and telling me about her day and how well she had done in her horse trials.

 

Then in the club - her and this 'guy' disapear for about an hour, and according to her best mate he was telling her how he was not interested, when they returned they weren't chummy put it that way. He flirted with other girls and she was dancing and chatting to another guy. And apparently was giving the most evil stares to this girl mate I was talking to and having a laugh with.

 

Then when everyone left the club she was waiting outside with a mate and started chatting again with this guy, 10 mins later I was outside my house chatting to this girl and he walked past in a hurry saying he was catching up with our mate. She went the other way back home.

 

It is so hard - I want to know whats going on, but my heart tells me to forget it but my mind tells me to find out.

 

Plus just saw her this morning as she was walking to a lecture and she waved, and as i'm pretty short sited I didn't realise it was her so ignored it. Probably for the best lol.

[Siriana]

Hi guys,

 

Plus just saw her this morning as she was walking to a lecture and she waved, and as i'm pretty short sited I didn't realise it was her so ignored it. Probably for the best lol.

How about getting a new pair of glasess - you might miss a really hot girl next time but this time it was for the best

[Nick_t]

The only hard thing is knowing how strongly she feels for this other guy - like when in the club she wasn't flirting with this other guy to get at me it was to get at him. And outside she was waiting for him and no one else to continue talking.

 

It hurts knowing she likes someone else and the feelings she once had for me belong to someone else. Ofcourse she still cares for me and deep down still loves me. But this is the one thing that is stopping my healing process. This is the only thing that stops me getting over her.

[Nick_t]

Thanks syrix,

 

That is true lol.