Jump to content

What to do...


Angstyboi
 Share

Recommended Posts

I'll keep it short. Basically I've been extremely vunerable. I'm typically the guy that stands for the whole loyal to one girl thing. Even when it comes to liking a girl. But after my break up, I turned all topsturvey. Now it's not because I'm not over her, but because I feel like being the way I was, was uselss. That I should enjoy the single life. But the old me is telling me, stop it. There was a girl I was originally talking to, but I haven't heard from her for weeks and it made me sad(she could be busy, she does alot of work and I'm pretty sure she's going to call some day since she's coming to New York again. She's in Puerto Rico right now). Anyway, another girl came along that likes me. Thing is, she's turning 16 soon. I'm turning 18 soon. She happeneds to be a girl that fits what I want but the whole age factor kind of makes me skeptical. Another thing is, liking both girls is making me feel upset. I have a really heavy conscious about this stuff and so much as something stupid like phone sex even would make me feel like I betrayed the other girl. I haven't gotten much support after my break up and that's what really got me to be this way. Now I don't know if I should feel guilty, or what I should do. Both girls like me, they both have their flaws and their more deeming qualities. But it's really confusing. Now I know the typical response would be "you're not ready" but that's not what I'm asking. Really it's, is that age so bad? And should I feel guilty? Etc. Any general advice please? Thanks.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think it's interesting that you pointed out how each of the 2 girls likes you, yet you didn't mention anything about your feelings for them. I think you need to figure out if you actually like these 2 girls, or if you just really want a relationship and you've tricked yourself into liking them to minimize your chances of rejection.

 

Ask yourself this question - if you didn't know that either of these girls liked you, would you still be considering asking them out? Would you be here posting this topic? Because if you're only liking them because they liked you first, then.. I'd suggest not pursuing either one of them.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

JJ Says Nay,

 

Can you set some limits on what is allowable, if you see more than one woman at once? I always found that me dating a few women at once (limit 4 because you should never think about juggling more, it is too stressful) made sorting all this stuff out much easier. I'd go on a couple dates with one, and if I wanted to date her again, then I did. Five dates max, in my opinion, or I had a relationship. Kissing was allowed, no further sex, until I decided she was the only one I would be dating thereafter. Can you set your own limits?

 

And as far as the one that has not spoken with you in a while, you're free from her, for now. If she comes back around and asks anything, let her know SHE LEFT you alone.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

JJ Says Nay,

 

Can you set some limits on what is allowable, if you see more than one woman at once? I always found that me dating a few women at once (limit 4 because you should never think about juggling more, it is too stressful) made sorting all this stuff out much easier. I'd go on a couple dates with one, and if I wanted to date her again, then I did. Five dates max, in my opinion, or I had a relationship. Kissing was allowed, no further sex, until I decided she was the only one I would be dating thereafter. Can you set your own limits?

 

And as far as the one that has not spoken with you in a while, you're free from her, for now. If she comes back around and asks anything, let her know SHE LEFT you alone.

 

I suppose dating is good. Maybe that's what I should do. But how about her age, that's something that worries me. While she is very mature, in fact more mature then most girls my age still she is physically that age(16). I am turning 18 soon. If the other one comes back, I'll be nice of course and just tell her that I was dissappointed. I know she is a very busy girl though. It's just, I always try to be a nice, loyal guy. I feel like I'm changing.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Dating is an investigation. When I ask a woman on a date, I ask her out only for that date, NOTHING MORE. When I ask her out for a fifth or sixth date, I think something has changed by then, provided they are not months apart. If I asked a woman out five times over a two year period, then there is something different going on. So one date is just the beginning of an investigation. Sooner of later you committ to conducting a more detailed investigation. But when you find something you don't like, you can end it at anytime. The theory behind marriage is that you have done enough investigating and are ready to pick once and for all. You better do some good investigation in order to pick.

 

Your chief worry about the 16 year old is her age. That concern is fine, but what is the problem? First, you may be a different stages of life during the next few years. If you are at college or working and she is in high school, your experiences will be very different. If one of you moves away to go to college or for work or whatever, that changes things to, but that could happen with anyone.

 

Rule of thumb for ages, as viewed by society. Divide the guys in half, add 7, and round up, and that is as young as you should ever date. So, for you, 18 divided in half is 9, add 7, you get 16. So, she is right in there. When you are 30 however, you could date someone who is 22, which means they are now 10. The acceptable gap widens as you get older, and the 16 year old will be well within acceptable soon.

 

One more concern: Sex, and statutory rape. New York law states that a person less than 17 years of age is legally incapable of consenting to sexual intercourse or other sexual contact. These laws are typically known as statutory rape laws.

 

If the victim is under 15 and the perpetrator is at least 18, this constitutes a 2nd degree sexual offense. However, if the defendant is less than 4 years older than the victim, this may constitute an affirmative defense. Affirmative defenses are those in which the defendant introduces evidence which negates criminal liability.

 

So, it would seem you would have a complete defense to a statutory rape claim, but I would look into it a bit more before having sex.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

×
×
  • Create New...