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How I plan to get closer


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It's been 1 year 26 days and 2 hours since my first GF broke up with me. In the 2 hour phone conversation we had, she said she loved me as a friend and just didn't feel ready to have a serious relationship. She wanted to still be friends. Since this was my first break up, and we were together for over 2 years, I was feeling mixed emotions. I started to feel angry, and I didn't want her to get hurt by something I didn't mean to say, so I decided to do NC for 2 months. When I went to call her after the 2 months were up, the phone just rang with no one answering. I called twice a day for the next two weeks and still no answer. I'm thinking she moved, but I can't be sure about it. I know I can't get over her until I can let her know how much she helped me just by being there. I want her to know that no matter what I will always love her. So, once I move out of my family's house, I plan to hire a PI to find her so I can tell her this. I know her mother's full name and the address of the house they lived at last. I'm not sure if this will help, any advice would be great. I just need to get this done, because it's eating me up inside knowing Monica dosen't know how much she ment to me. As of now, I consider going through NC to be the worst decision of my life.

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What other reasons do you have to think that she moved? Did she mention moving at all before you broke up? It just seems a little illogical to me to automatically assume that she doesn't live there anymore because she doesn't pick up your calls. The harsh reality may be that she simply doesn't want to talk to you.

 

Is there any other way for you to find out if she moved for sure? A mutual friend, maybe? A PI seems a little extreme for me...

 

Also, if you really want her to know how much she meant to you, why don't you send her a letter? Most people have their mail forwarded to their new address for a while after they move (that is, if she did move), so she should receive it, and a letter will give her the information she needs to contact you if she thinks it's appropriate.

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Monica had just got back from spending the summer with her father, and in the first call when she got back she broke up with me. Also, when we talked we only talked about books and stuff, never personal things because she didn't want to talk about them. As for sending letters, I did send one that was when I wanted her to feel sorry for hurting me. If she got that letter she might have not wanted to talk to me anymore and didn't reply to any of the dozens of other letters I sent her. But, one letter I sent her about 7 months after the breakup I got back in the mail with "return to sender" writen on it. I'm not sure what to make of her actions.

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Man i know your broken up bad about her, but dont hire private investegators to track her down, dont contact her, stop calling, shes probably gone forever, if she feels like talking to you she will. Its tough man but thats how growing up goes. Your 17, get yourself back on track and use this time to meet a bunch of new girls, youll be much better off.

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yeah, a handwritten 'return to sender' means that she wrote it. sorry. seems like she really does not want contact.

 

I know that you have written about your OCD problems before, are you seeing a therapist?

 

i know you only have good intentions, but i think that tracking her down may scare her and push her even farther away. like the others said, if she wanted to talk to you, she could have found you herself and contacted you. and that she didn't answer the phone when you called every day for two week, and that NO ONE answered the phone.... it seems that she was screening her calls.

 

it sucks, you don't always get straight answers in life. sometimes NO ANSWER is your answer. if you can't get ahold of her to tell her, maybe write it out on a piece of paper, and burn it, as a means of releasing your emotions. do your own ritutal, something that will give you piece of mind.

 

a lot of us have been there - when an ex does not want to talk to us. you really have to give yourself closure.

 

good luck

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theres a saying that goes something along the lines of: 'Loving someone means knowing when to let go'

 

it hurts but from her actions, shes telling you she does not love you any more, no contact, no replies to letters- A relationship takes two.. its no good having only one person doing all the loving, it needs to be reciprocated which in this case is definitely not happening. You would want someone who loves you just as much as you love them and you deserve to find someone like that.

 

If you love her that much, you need to see that she wants to move on and let her go. Shes moved on in life and you deserve to too...

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How can I move on when I don't want to? I've lost so many close friends because of me not trying my best to keep in contact with them, I don't want to lose her too. I have lost too many people, and when I have a chance at keeping them I go for it. If I get a hold of Monica and try my best, it will make it feel like I'm trying. I am not good at many things, and the few things I'm good at I find it hard to do. I just want one thing in life, and that's not lose someone when I have a choice of keeping them. If I can get her back, as a friend (I no longer have interest in being her BF) I will feel like I've actutly done something with my life.

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How can I move on when I don't want to? I've lost so many close friends because of me not trying my best to keep in contact with them, I don't want to lose her too. I have lost too many people, and when I have a chance at keeping them I go for it. If I get a hold of Monica and try my best, it will make it feel like I'm trying. I am not good at many things, and the few things I'm good at I find it hard to do. I just want one thing in life, and that's not lose someone when I have a choice of keeping them. If I can get her back, as a friend (I no longer have interest in being her BF) I will feel like I've actutly done something with my life.

 

OK, see, but you already tried, and she rebuffed your attempts at friendship. friendships are a two way street. both people have to want it, not just one person.

 

crossing that line leads to stalking!!! and you don't need the police telling you that your not wanting to lose her could make you wind up in jail.

 

you tried, take comfort in that. relationships are not like physics or chemistry homework, where if you try hard enough, you will eventually get the right answer. no, relationships are not like that at all. if you make a good effort (which you did!) and still no results, move on.

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