NC is tough!

[pacopaco]

i have had all this month where i have gone to strict NC. it's tougher than i thought. i can't sleep. when i think of speaking to her, though, i remember that speaking with her is speaking to a person whose mind is in a different places. i know that she's having trouble at work now, among other things. A friend of mine saw her ans said her face appeared more "round." she has gained weight, i know it because i saw her late last month. i think of all these things, and i think of how things used to be, not how they are. they way they are is that she screwed up on me, but it doesn't make things easier. it's a tragedy all the way around, i feel.

i have received three phone calls this month, a birthday message, and an email. i've ignored it all. i didn't want to , but i have to for myself, because she is so in the gray, and messed up. that, I think, is worse than NC.

[Captain34]

after doing 6 weeks NC myself I can see now it benefits and drawbacks. NC is great for when you need to be less consumed by the whole situation, but I don't really believe it makes much difference to go NC with your ex but then still allow yourself to think about the situation all the time. I know its easier said than done, but you gotta make a concerted effort.

 

as far as my NC has gone, I haven't had to ignore any direct efforts at contact. Recently however I've run into her friends often and they seem to be digging for information. plus, my ex showe up at places where I there was a good chance I would be on consecutive nights. I was doing great with NC in terms of limiting my thoughts about her to a minimum, but the past couple weeks have drawn some of my focus back onto the situation.

 

hang in there pal.

[Gold Hawk]

PacoPaco...

 

I'm sorry you are having such a difficult time. As the previous post suggests you need to remain focused on your job, family and other interests. If you find your mind wondering to her.. then maybe allow yourself only 15 minutes of time to think on it. 15 minutes ONLY. And then move on to something that will distract you.

[pacopaco]

thank you Gold Hawk. I like that 15 minute method. though I think I'll put it to ten minutes, ha ha ! I'm not planning on contacting her. but it is very difficult to do. I just keep in mind that the things we'll talk about, i know, are meaningless. things i don't care to hear about, whether things are good or bad for her or me. i CAN do this. I was the strong one in the relationship, I was faithful.

Mr. Captain, I will hang in there. you do too.

[bungalo]

You guys are obviously further along than me. We've been broken up for a bout a month with 2 weeks of NC. She hasn't made one blessed contact with me since it ended. I still obsess about her (after 2 years together) nearly every frikkin minute of the day...I need to get out more but feel so blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah. I will force myself soon or I'm gonna lose it.

[Orlander]

bungalo, there is a quote that really has kept me sane (ok, sane-ish) through all these months and that is "Action is the anitdote for dispair".

 

Keep busy and active and it will make things tolerable and manageable.

 

 

Orlander

[desertnomad]

I agree. I still have some 'insanity' during those times (and sadness for sure still) when I am keeping busy but the next day I look back and I am glad I kept busy and did something better than just sitting around forelorn.

[iceman85]

I agree, NC is tough, i guess you can say im lucky (or not) in that i've only gone a week at most with NC before my ex contacted me. Its been 4 months since we broke up and we've always been in contact except for the bouts of NC intiated by me. I still feel like you all do about being insane sometimes thinking about her so much, there are days where you have free time and your mind is just instantly taken back to them. Its so hard but you have to just keep goin i guess.

[Tigris]

Keep yourself busy so that she's not constantly on your mind. Eventually it will get easier.

 

Good luck and take care.

[chasen54]

I am struggling with it as well. I just yesterday received a text from my ex... and we have been bouncing text's back and forth randomly... and last monday I was in dire need of hearing her so I called her... so as of yesterday I began my NC... so hurray to 1 day NC... it really does suck tho, since its just so easy to talk to the one you loved...or still love....