Tired

[Gracelove]

I'm so tired.

And sad too.

 

Maybe I just need a counselor.

I'm not doing too well.

 

Someone at the pharmacy screwed up my meds and now I've been without medicine for 3 days.

I don't know how long it will be before I get my medicine.

 

I'm so disappointed in myself.

This rape thing has got such a bad handle on me.

 

It's not like I think about it constantly or anything.

But I guess the depression is pretty bad.

 

I'm so unhappy.

 

I have to leave my boyfriend to go home to California, for a month.

 

Why? Why does it have to be that way.

I don't want to go.

 

How can I be ripped away from him so soon?

 

I'm so depressed about it.

 

I don't want to leave.

 

I mean, there has got to be a way for me to make this work.

 

For me to get myself together, to finish this school work.

To graduate and get everything off my back.

 

I just need, ya know. I find myself needing too much.

I need too much these days, and it's like I just can't provide for myself.

 

I'm hopeless.

I'm so hopeless.

 

I don't want to be sad because I don't want to bring my boyfriend down.

But....this is just the way I feel.

 

I mean, what could make it different?

 

What will help me?

 

I just want to be.

 

I just want to be better.

I want to stay.

I want to try.

 

I don't want to leave.

 

I mean, what do I have to do to make things better?

 

I don't know.

[Fallout]

Hi, I guess you have too much stress in your life right now, maybe you could take a year off to get back on your feet ? You've been abused very much and need time to recover from everything if you can't function properly right now..I don't know anything about counselling but if you think it helps you just go

[Gracelove]

Thanks Fallout!

 

I guess I just feel sad about disappointing my parents.

 

I would love to take a year off.

I don't know.

I guess I'll run it by them and see what they think.

 

Thanks for your continued support.

 

~Grace

[Fallout]

Well, my guess is your parents would be disappointed only if you weren't happy, and any good parents would chose their child's happiness before a college degree or a paycheck, so if your parents are like that as they should I'm sure they'll embrace the idea...take care

[snowgirl]

Grace, aren't you seeing a counselor? I think that would be a big help. You seem to get so much from talking to us, I think talking to a professional would help you feel a lot better about things.

 

Hugs.

[Gracelove]

Hey There Snowgirl!!!

How are you doing? I hope all is well.

I do have a counselor now, but was without one for a little while due to expense.

It's really hard being back in counseling. I had developed my own way of dealing with things although I wasn't doing the best job.

I'm just tired, and a little.....Um, I don't know.

I've been diagnosed with another disorder, I'm not sure yet whether it's frustrating me yet or not.

It sucks constantly finding out something else is wrong with you, it's like you're not messed up enough.

So now...I have major depression, Anxiety disorder, and Chronic Post traumatic stress disorder.

I almost feel like laughing, what other names will I be given.

I am exhausted all of the time now, I'm having nightmares, I feel like I'm in shock, and I can feel myself getting sick all over again.

I don't even really know what to say about it all, but it's hard.

Soooo, I'm trying to keep myself occupied, which is only running me ragged.

I can't stand to just be.

It's agonizing. So i go here and there and move around a lot and my body is completely wearing down.

But I think that now I'm at the point where I no longer care.

I keep thinking, I went off to college, and had all of these crazy and horrible college experiences.

Education came at a pretty high cost for me, and I'll spend years trying to recover.

It really sucks, but there's nothing I can do.

Nothing helps the pain, and all the other mess, it's just there and it won't budge, that really sucks.

Part of my nightmare the other day included someone like me being killed by being suffocated while having their head stuffed on a sandy beach.

I mean it's just a horrible image.

Trying to breath and just inhaling sand, sand in your eyes, just everything.

There were a lot more horrifying things in my dream, but that's a really weird part.

I mean, I don't even know how something that crazy would get in my head.

Anywho, that's about it.

I hate feeling the sickness coming on and knowing that I can't stop it.

going to the emergency room sucks.

Right now, I really hate where I am. There's never an escape, not even in sleep.