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ive become bitter


hoppy27
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I dont know where to start. for the first time in many years ive learned, decided, etc. that i need to change. i just need to know where to start.

this is going to be a rant.

 

over the last 4 to 5 years ive become a very bitter person. i seem to come off as "angry" or "upset" or even "unaproachable". im 29 years old and im a male. i have been single for approx 3 to 4 years. i come from a broken family that was caused by my father. at 29 im still at home helping mom. my sister moved out years ago with her fiance. ive been "trapped" here and been "man of the house" since i was 13. ive stayed for many reasons. right now its due to the fact i make crap money at my courant job. i dont believe in paying "rent" for something i won't own. saving money seems impossable.

i have all these emotions that i never used to have. like "watery eyes" when i see something only a woman would cry at on TV. i get frustrated easily, i lack confidence and even the will power to get close to people. evereyday i wish i was'nt in my shoes. i dont wan't to go out and party every weekend like everyone i grew up with. when i get dragged out i feel out of place. in reality i am. i opt to stay home by myself most weekends as i have a few hobbies that require getting up early(fidhing)

its to the point now that i get very few calls to even go out.

 

i never used to be this way thats what bothers me. all through school i was "that guy". had tons of friends varsity soccer captain, voted best looking, etc, etc. even after school it was that way for along time.

the last 4 or 5 years ive kinda just been a zombie. cold to any kind of relationship. i dont ask girls out even though id really like one. i fear getting close to people now. i could talk to anyone before. i have zero girlfriends. all my friends are guys. i really only hear from a few of them.

the rest i suppose have kinds drifted away.

 

im a mess. where do i start? im almost 30 years old and my life is miserable. 4 years ago i lost a girl that was very important to me. soon followed by the dimise of a newly started business. i was in a very bad place then.since then ive just dragged through life being a miserable kinda person. inside im a pile of goooo. im lost. 12 years ago i had life all planned out. good job, house, wife, kids. at almost 30 i have none of the above. how depressing. ive often though about moving just to try and rid myself of this seed that i have planted in peoples heads that i am miserable.

 

 

life is slipping away before my eyes. i need to do something.

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Hey-

 

When i start to feel unproductive like life is slipping me by- I will start to set little goals for myself- things i want to do like.."take vacation" or "find a new job" .

 

When i set little goals for myself..i feel as though i accomplished something ..and before i know it those little goals add up.

 

It feels good to have things to look forward to. So try and figure out what you'd like to change about your life that you can change and take it from there.

 

And about your friends? It's ok..sometimes we outgrow people.

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Wow. That's a lot of stuff you have going on. You sound really, really, really hard on yourself. I totally get that because I'm the same way.

 

Setting little goals (as the previous poster suggested) is a very good way to approach this. What has helped me is getting a notebook and writing down all of the things I want to change, and then crossing them off as I complete them. You start small. For instance, in your case, maybe it's time to start looking for another job where you can make more money and try to save a bit. Or, you look for a second job to save money from, which might get you out of the house more and distract you from what's going on at home. It does sound like you want and need very much to be in an independent living situation, but I realize the complications for you.

 

As far as where you're "supposed" to be and what you "should" be doing at 29, that line of thinking gets nobody anywhere. So you made some plans that didn't quite go like you hoped. That's okay. And your life is far from over. Leave the past in the past and think of all the time you have ahead of you to change. Because the last thing you want to do is wake up at 40 and say that you wish you'd started making changes at 29.

 

No seed has been planted in people's heads about you. People are remarkably resilient, forgiving, and forgetful. They care about how you are, not how you were, and if you can start making some changes, people will notice and appreciate that. Keep posting here to get it all out, okay?

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