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Need Objective Opinion!


emma34
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Let me first say that i'm in love with the greatest man. In my mind he is the best boyfriend I have ever had, and I think that he feels the same way about me. The problem is, In my past relationships I have been with men who are hopeless romantics and fall head over heels and are unrealistic (like being proposed to @ 17)...in the end it usually ends up putting me in a superior feeling position, i might cheat, and eventually break up with them. My current boyfriend (7 months) is everything they weren't in that aspect...he's sweet and loving, but only in private, he thinks i'm important but doesn't keep me as a close as he does his friends...if we get into an argument, he waits until i cave...which i've realize that i do eventually.. in a way, i find this sort of thing attractive.. he's secure with himself. i had been away for 3 days and was antsy to see him tonight..

 

we made plans.

 

then he realized his plans had been moved up and had to cancel.

 

i was disappointed, but not overly mad...

 

but he got SUPER defensive.

 

we ended the conversation on a bad note...but i called back ten minutes later to apologize for saying it was "typical"... (even though I still kinda feel like it is...i mean the only thing we ever fight about is his priorities... so it is kinda typical). but i apologized thinking i would actually BE sorry when he apologized back...

 

he came up with a crappy 'sorry too'... and then went on to make me feel like it really WAS my fault. i didn't say anything and sorta made small chat, cause i REALLY wanted to avoid confrontation again.

 

finally he says 'yanno, if you're going to apologize to someone, at least try to be in a good mood'. i thought that was way outa line and told him 'i didn't even need to apologize - u should have been apologizing to me!'..

 

he told me he couldn't deal with it and hung up on me. i texted him and told him it was over. 10 minutes later he calls and asks if i'm serious...i said i don't know and he said he would call back (still hasn't). I DONT want to break up with him, i love him, and I know I shouldn't have been so impulsive - but i really think that if I just say I'm sorry for saying that he'll say 'its okay'.. and things will go back to being normal. but its not normal for me... i really feel like this priority thing is a problem. i think why i said 'its over' is because i want him to hurt like i do - and he just doesn't get it.

 

 

any ideas on what i should say??

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Well you sorta like the fact the he is an independent, not too clingy type of guy. This then probably comes with the territory. If I were you, I'd try and laugh the whole thing off. He's getting pissed because you are pulling the whole thing on him that you don't like guys pulling on you "Where's my time?".

 

You have to get him back to thinking this thing is back on his terms, where he is comfortable.

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Don't ever say you want to break up with someone if you don't mean it - he may take you seriously and not come back to you.

 

In this case you may have damaged his security in the relationship - I think you have fences to mend and should do that quickly. This sort of thing can fester and become irretrievable.

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Hey there,

"he's sweet and loving, but only in private, he thinks i'm important but doesn't keep me as a close as he does his friends..

 

Okay, this is red flag to me. Big red flag, he should be like that ALL the time and not only when he feels like it. Why do you think this is acceptable?

 

"if we get into an argument, he waits until i cave...which i've realize that i do eventually.."

Another red flag here, he should not be doing this. Why do you apologize for things that are not your fault? Sorry, if you let people push you around, they will not respect you at all and everytime you cave in, your boyfriend is losing more and more respect for you.

in a way, i find this sort of thing attractive..

 

Why is it attractive, this guy cannot own up to his mistakes and be man enough to admit them and apologize.

he's secure with himself.

 

No he is not. No man, or anyone for that matter, whom cannot admit to his/her mistakes and misigivings is NOT secure, quite the opposite actually.

 

 

Sorry but I think your boyfriend makes you feel like you NEED him because he acts aloof and like he does not need anything or anyone. IMO, those are the most insecure people around. Either stand up for yourself and do not fall for his antics or end the relationship. Either way, your man does not respect you I am afraid.

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This guy's emotions are in it for himself. maybe you need to read about people that are like him, narcissist. He is controlling the entire relationship. Be careful not to fall into this trap. This is how women become dependent on men to the extream that's damaging to their identity and self worth. You're young and take the time to learn about human behaviour before you become jaded by men. Also, this research will give you a better understanding why you treated your previous needy boyfriends in the maner you did? Hmm, get the picture.

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