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Another mistake...and lots of wondering


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Argh! I keep on messing up...

 

While at work today, I received a text from the ex where he asked me where he could buy something that he knows I'm familiar with. I was too lazy to write a long message explaining where...so after work, I left him a voicemail (he was most likely at work and couldn't pick up). I felt very businesslike listing all the places I know, their locations, and their advantages, so I decided to talk in a very clear-cut, dry manner as a joke. Well, after I hung up, I thought that maybe I sounded too cold and b****y, like I was maybe mad at him (I wasn't! I was just trying to sound "professional" and no-nonsense) -- and right now both he and I are very sensitive about that issue! I felt that maybe he wouldn't pick up on the joke aspect, so as soon as I got home, I sent him a message clarifying that I wasn't mad! YEAH. DUMB. He probably thinks I'm an idiot now. Or was that the right thing to do, considering that maybe I sounded too impersonal?

 

On a more sentimental note, I wonder if he remembers that tomorrow I'm going to consult someone about my temper issues...I wonder if he'll call to see how it went, since it was one of the things that tore us apart. I really wonder how things are going to be when we see each other in two days -- we haven't heard each other's voice since Thursday, when he called to let me know he was sick, and this is the longest we've gone without having contact since the breakup (excluding facebook poking, which we're still keeping up, and the messages today). I wonder if we'll ever get around to watching the movies that we are still supposed to watch together...Yeah, having a bad day *sob*

 

And I'm very tempted to send him a cheery little note because his favorite team won today (that's rare!)...but I feel like I exceeded my contact quota for the day

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It's a good thing that I'm in a public place, otherwise I'd be crying right now...He completely redesigned his online profile yesterday and removed the very cute picture of him hugging me and my best friend, which had been up there forever...even for the two months after the breakup. He must really be over everything...And, of course, no phone call to see how my appointment went today...And no facebook poke either. I guess my call and message yesterday must have scared him off.

 

Really not looking forward to seeing him tomorrow in class...Knowing my temper, I'll inadvertently yell at him for not contacting me -- and since I obviously don't have the right to do that, I'll make things even worse...It's such a lose-lose situation. If I put a smile on my face and say hi to him first, he might think I'm being too persistent...but if I wait for him to approach me first, he'll think I'm mad (which is never a good thing). ARGH.

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