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PLEASE Can You Help Me ?


SolitarySoul
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Hello

 

I know i'm about to post on the wrong board but i do hope one of you guys (or anyone) will have a solution to my problem.

 

I've posted on this board as i've read some great advice given to others and whilst my situation is a little different i am hoping to someday get back together with a friend who was once part of my life.....I just don't know how.

 

My story begins 18 months ago when i began a new job in a new town. It was here that I met someone who i considered to be a good friend.

This person was my manager and she was also female.

 

We became really close & got on great together.

If i'm honest i knew straight away my feelings for this person were more than that of a friend, but as with any relationship, friendship or otherwise i was just happy to get to know her as a person & ignore the wishful thinking or anything else.

 

However, it wasn't long until i began to realise that this person was attracted to me too. I never mentioned my sexuality to anyone but i knew she knew if that makes any sense. She just knew.

 

She was pretty open and mentioned having bisexual 'experiences' in the past. Although i was pleased to learn this i knew this didn't give me the right to presume she would be interested in me, but as time went by she let me know she was.

I'd be here all month trying to explain but I could basically write a book of all the things she said and did that gave me the impression she wanted something to happen between us.

 

It got to the point where she was wanting me to say something or make some kind of move.

Because I knew this, that's when i got scared......

I got it into my head that it was a bad idea especially when we worked together (& I worked for her)

 

After 14 months i decided it was time to leave my job. She didn't want me to go and refused to accept my resignation, but I just knew it was time to go.

She did say that if i ever wanted to return there would always be a job for me. This was so great to know, I guess deep down i didn't really want to leave but i thought it was the right thing to do at the time.

As always, we still planned to meet up together for a night out.

 

Anyway, once i'd left i had so many things going on inside my head. Part of me felt as though i'd not only let myself down but i'd let her down too. I didn't feel like i was being any kind of true friend by hiding my feelings & not being honest with her. .

 

Because i didn't know when i'd see her next I sent her a few text messages. In them i said how i thought she was a great person along with my feelings for her. I said if i had got it wrong, i was sorry and hoped she could still see me as the person i always was.......a friend.

 

When a few days passed by with no reply i knew there was something wrong......really wrong.

 

I tried to call her and it came up with 'call not allowed'

 

I was and still am devestated.

 

On the same night i went round to her house to try and talk with her. She wouldn't let me in so we only spoke through an intercom.

Her voice was really shakey and she said she didn't know where i'd got the idea from. She said one of the girls from work was calling round so asked me to leave. I did leave but asked if she would please just contact me.

 

The next day i received a text basically saying to not contact her again.

 

I couldn't understand at all, why would someone make it obvious they liked you but then not even want to see/speak with you. Why wouldn't she see me and let me know IF/HOW i'd got it all wrong.

 

I was worried about her & the only thing i could do was contact a mutual friend/ex work colleague.

When i met up with the friend i learned that she already knew and the person i thought the world about had basically told everyone at work.......the very next day after my messages to her.

She had even twisted things to make me look like a complete fool or even crazy.

 

I had so much that i needed & wanted to say but she just wouldn't let me.

I was sorry if i had got it wrong, but i was also confused. Confused to think that i was/am certain that i didn't get things wrong. Why couldn't/wouldn't she just explain this to me to my face?

 

I asked the friend if she would pass on a letter which thankfully she agreed to do fo me.

In the letter I apologised if i had got things wrong, but i couldn't apologise fully unless she ever looked me in the eyes or answered the questions i had. I said i was sad that i would be loosing her friendship and i hoped she wouldn't ignore me if i ever saw her again. I mentioned how i am and always would be be willing to at least clear the air with her.

I also promised not to contact her again.

 

 

This all happened in May. After my letter the gosip stopped & in June the mutual friend said that she had asked about me.

 

I am ashamed to admit that this whole situation has totally changed me as a person. I have become really depressed and it's all because of this.

 

A couple of weeks ago i saw her with a few of my ex work colleagues coming out from of one of the pubs. They all said hi, she did too and also smiled.

 

Don't get me wrong i'm over the moon that she didn't ignore me & i didn't expect her to come and start chatting with me. But these were people i'd worked with for over a year, we'd go out together, i'd give them lifts home from work, and we still planned to meet up with eachother. Five months later & all i got was a hi.

 

I know i probably sound like such an ungrateful sod, but it is sad to think that not one of the others in the group even bothered to come over and see me.

 

These were the only people i really knew, the only friends i thought i had. All i did was be honest with someone and it feels as though i've been punished for it.

 

I know anyone reading this may well think that i got it all wrong & totally misread an innocent situation. Please believe me when i say that i really didn't. Anyone would have to be blind or deaf to have not picked up on her intentions.

 

Why did she do this to me?

 

Part of me thinks that if she did have feelings for me surely she would have been in contact with me, even if it was just to clear the air and to possibly salvage a friendship.

 

I miss her so much and I wish that i could just sort things out with her. Although i would really like to contact her i don't want to make a bad situation even worse. I also think that if she was a genuine friend then surely contact should come from her?

 

In my head and in my heart i know there was something between us. But then i think, if she was missing me (even just as a friend) then i would know about it right?

 

I do know it would take a hell alot of pride for her to contact me, maybe she would like it if we were still friends but is also scared to get in touch?

 

I know i was never in a relationship with this woman, but i just can't stop thinking about what happened & I'm so scared i'll never get the chance to put things right between us.

 

There's so many people on these boards who have been in relationships for years who are going through No Contact. For themselves, and possibly for a chance to get back together.

I was hoping that no contact would make her realise how sh'e over reacted and miss me a a friend. The only relationship i would like with this person is a friendship.

 

Are there any rules for this?

 

Being rejected isn't great, but i could have handled that. I thought it would have been something we could have laughed over. But to be rejected as a friend/person is really bad.

 

To turn it all around in the way she did, where everyone i used to work with probably thinks i'm some kind of nutter is heartbreaking.

How could she be so cruel? At the very very least i'm sure she thought of me as a good friend.

 

From what i gather, it seems as though she is getting on with her life no problem. I don't expect her not to but i can't help but think HOW can someone do what they did and feel no regret. The past 5 months have been the worsed of my life so far.

Sometimes i feel angry, and think at the very least i deserve some kind of explanation to what she did, but most of the time i just feel sad that i have lost friendships.

 

I feel as though i will never be able to move on. It also feels as tough i was weak in just walking away and not even standing up for myself and explaining the truth, my truth to the others

 

Is there ANYTHING that can be done here?

 

I'm wondering should i send a christmas card to where i used to work?

 

Please help

Many thanks

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Hey, Solitary Soul... I think u've been overthinking the things for way too long...

 

This reminds me of all those highschool heartaches that begin with mixed signals you didn't read right, or that you misinterpretate...

 

Maybe it was very clear at the beginning she was interested in you. Don't blame yourself for taking it that way. But it seems that in the end, this woman doesn't know what she really wants. Seems like she regreted of sending that signals and then tried to leave it all behind by acting like it never happened or like you're the one that invented it all.

 

If I were you, I'd just get over her and move forward with my life. And stop wasting my energy and my sanity in a situation that was never in my control. You can't control people's reactions, and trying to understand them sometimes is just wearysome and doesn't take you anywhere.

 

So get over the crush you have on her, see other people, try new things, keep your mind busy with other stuff. I think the biggest issue here is that you just can't let go.

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Hi Baby Carrot

 

Thank you for your reply..............

 

Letting go is really hard for me, although i know i do have to....

 

Letting her go in that respect is really okay for me to deal with, but letting her go as a friend is much harder. Letting go of the other people i classed as friends is also difficult for me too.

 

In my previous post i mentioned that it wouldn't have been so bad being rejected in that way, but to be rejected as a friend to her and everyone else really stings.

 

That's what i find it hard to let go.

 

I guess i was just wondering if i could do anything to salvage friendships, nothing more. I just keep on thinking that if i never try, i'll never know. But maybe it's not up to me to try anymore.

 

I always thought that if i had misread the situation it would have been something we could have laughed & joked about, but she made it into something serious without even giving me the chance to explain.

 

 

Thanks again

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If its about the friendship well... do you really want to keep fighting to keep that kind of friendship?

 

A friend that really worths it would let you explain, talk to you, hear you out, be careful of not hurting your feelings, make ammends, clear misunderstandings... be there for you.

 

Realize that already... is obvious this person is not interested in friendship either. As you mentioned yourself...

 

I just keep on thinking that if i never try, i'll never know. But maybe it's not up to me to try anymore.

 

That's right, is over. Stop beating up yourself about it, don't you think you've had enough already? You already tried and you already know the answer... you just don't wanna accept it...

 

Save that Xmas cards for a friend that actually worths it.

 

Good luck

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