Why Are Mornings the Worst?

[Chibby33]

It's been a month and when i finally got closure from him I became stronger, stopped the analyzinf his phone calls and text messages and basically felt so much better. It's been 5 days of NC from both of us. However, why is it always difficult in the morning when I wake up? It's the worst part of the day because it's when I miss him so much. As the day pass, I get back to feeling better and stronger. Does anybody else go through this? What part of the day do you mostly feel like crap??

[NJRon]

When I have been where you are, I always found the evenings to be worst. The mornings were fine for me, as I could get on with my day and plan out what I was going to do. But, at the end of the day, I found that not having the person I was used to sharing with brought me down.

 

The best thing I did for myself was to actually schedule my day out so that I have something to do... even if part of the schedule was : 8p-10p, sit and read... 10:15p go to bed.

 

After a while, I didn't need to be so structured as I started really moving on.

[brando]

I can understand how you are feeling. Evenings and mornings were always difficult I think it is because this is when we are with ourselves the most, and having some idle time after a breakup is deadly.

 

NJ, has a great suggestion, it is important to stay busy, and spending some time in the pain and reflecting on the relationship needs to be kept to a minimum.

[TheFallenShadow]

Aye, i would agree, in the morning is when i miss her, and then in the wee hours of the night....

[shelly7]

At night was definitely the toughest for me, the worst was waking up around 3 AM, and realizing my situation and then not being able to go back to sleep.

[Blane151211]

Morning are the worst for me... I usually wake up early in the morning only to find myself thinking about him, the relationship, what was and what could have gone wrong. I will then realize how much I miss him and how I want him back, etc.

Evenings sometimes are tough but I learned to keep myself busy during the day. By the time I get home, I'm tired from work, from working out at the gym, etc. So I can sleep easily... but then between 3AM to 5AM, that's the worst...

[Chibby33]

It seems most of us do wake up in the middle of the night and takes an hour or so to go nack to sleep. I know i do and it's always around 2am then my mind starts wandering about him. Sigh . .

[bella321]

At night is the worst for me. He always used to call to check in when he got off of work at his restaurant so I miss that. Maybe I'll be able to get some uninterrupted sleep now!

[joyce1412]

it's been more than 5 months and i STILL have hard mornings sometimes. generally i begin to think about him within the first three minutes of being awake...i have a few ignorant minutes, and then i remember why i'm sad. it's gotten a lot less unpleasant with time, though. now when it hits me in the morning, instead of feeling so heart-crushingly sad, it's more like, "yeah. oh well," and then i go about my business as usual. if i have ten minutes after waking up without remembering to think of him, i pat myself on the back, because that's a big improvement for me!

[Chibby33]

now when it hits me in the morning, instead of feeling so heart-crushingly sad, it's more like, "yeah. oh well," and then i go about my business as usual. if i have ten minutes after waking up without remembering to think of him, i pat myself on the back, because that's a big improvement for me!

 

Joyce, I need to borrow your "yeah oh well" approach. I like that! Now when I wake up and he pops in my thoughts, I yell "Go away! You packed and left me so now you are no longer welcome in my domain (and a few minor profanities)!!" Sometimes anger helps the healing.

[joyce1412]

haha, yeah, anger helps. the reason it was so hard for me was that i was in shock about the whole thing for so long--that we had broken up, that he had been so mean. now the whole thing just doesn't shock me anymore because i've had so many months to live with those ideas. everyone says it, and it's true: time heals, or at least makes you care a whole lot less.

 

what helps me is, sometimes i'll think about things that make me upset (the fact that my ex is now with a girl i was friends with is one!) and even though i KNOW i'm upset, i mentally shrug, and say, "who cares? they deserve each other." then i keep on with whatever i was doing. i think ACTING like you care helps until you really DON'T care.

 

one thing my friend said also helps me--"if he's not in your life, he can't hurt you anymore."

[ImThatGirl]

I think the mornings are the worst because during night, we have the opportunity of resting and not thinking about them. (Some of us.)

 

For me, in the past, after breakups - the morning I'd wake up and not think about it and then BAM it would hit me in the face again. Every day is a new day but there was always that realization of it's a new day alone without him... He's not coming back. Then as the day passes, you train your mind that it's okay - can get through it - just to do it all over again...

[qwertie]

The mornings are fine for me as I wake up just in time to get ready

for work. It's during the day it begins to hit me, we had lots

of contact during the day. I miss that.

 

At the beginning the evenings were difficult because we would go out a lot after work, when we broke up that was gone. The same for the weekends, now I have absolutely nothing to do with my time except watch tv and be online.

 

I realized now that my life was centered too much around us as a couple. I always put him above me making friends. Wont be doing that with the next one! that's for sure!!

[Chibby33]

but I have to remain strong for my 19 year old and 5 year old son...

 

Time WILL heal i promise

 

Yes Brit me too. I have an 8 year old from a previous marriage - she's a lot stronger than I am and I am very fortunate that me and my ex hubby are still the very best of friends. My recent ex fiance who packed and left could never understand that - I think he preferred that my ex hubby and I always fought. Your kids will keep your head above the water.

[menotyou]

Mornings were the worst for me for a great deal of time. From the "research" I have done, morning pains cause a great deal of pain for many, many people.

 

The "scientific" reason for this comes from the way people dream. Whether you remember your dreams or not, its just your body's way of getting over the relationship. In my opinion, too many people make life decisions based on what their hearts tell them. It has been proven that the reason for mornings being the worst for people is due to the fact that your brain will sort things out on its own while you are sleeping, thus changing the levels of certain chemicals when you wake up.

 

Sounds kinda crazy, but once I realized this and did a little looking around on the internet mornings kinda got a little better. Thats my personal experience at least.

[desertnomad]

Same here mornings are hell. Im with Joyce if I can go 10 minutes or even 5 for me right now without thinking of the ex its a real positive. I have to stay real busy when I wake up or it still hits me like a ton of bricks. I am up and out the door for work as quick as possible.

[joyce1412]

It has been proven that the reason for mornings being the worst for people is due to the fact that your brain will sort things out on its own while you are sleeping, thus changing the levels of certain chemicals when you wake up.

 

explains why i can go to bed thinking, "ugh, f*ck that guy!" and then wake up going "aww, i miss him..." that makes a lot of sense.

[menotyou]

Just give it some time. There's this thing I never knew about called "intrusive thinking". Basically it means that any time you think about something, just do whatever you can to think about something else.

 

For me, any time I would think about my ex, I would do whatever I could to think about something else. No matter what it is, as long as you do that, you almost "train" yourself to not think about what you miss.

 

From my experience, as well as all the questions I have asked my friends, and even complete strangers about "how you get over" someone you are crazy about, you have to almost force yourself to think about something else. And believe me it really does work.

 

Its a tough long road to take, but it is really worth it. If anyone is interested in a little more detail, dont be afraid to PM me.

[doyathink]

I think going to bed and at waking is the hardest. Maybe it has to do with the fact you are sleeping alone and when you wake, reality hits and when you go to bed at night, the bed is empty and again reality slaps you .

[joyce1412]

Just give it some time. There's this thing I never knew about called "intrusive thinking". Basically it means that any time you think about something, just do whatever you can to think about something else.

 

yeah...it's interesting what we do after a breakup. many of us end up re-hashing our pain, as well as the various good and bad memories, to an unnecessary degree.

 

i often wonder what we think we are achieving in doing so. do we think we will suddenly solve the problem? figure out what went wrong and be done with it? purge all the feelings once and for all? there has to be some reason why we spend so much excess time in pain. why do we choose to spend time hurting rather than spend time with friends, working on our careers--anything that could positively contribute to our lives?

 

for me, it's gotten to a point when the only significant time i really spend thinking of the ex is when i'm on this forum, perhaps before bed or in the morning, and maybe two or three times during the day when my mind is idle, although he remains in the back of my mind a lot. i also worry about running into him, especially running into him with a new girlfriend. but all this is actually a great improvement for me. i look forward to a few months from now when the time spent thinking about him is next to none.

[Orlander]

We feel worse in the morning because our minds work to heal us during our sleep? Holy geez, I hope that's not true cause the mornings are a breeze for me. It's the nights that really suck!!

 

Though, I had a dream just two nights ago where both of my last two girlfriends (who totalled up almost 8 of the last 10 years of my life) were back in my life, flaunting their huge diamond rings and wonderful lives without me. That dream made me physically sick. Maybe that means I am healing.

 

Me...a little over 5 years ago...over at my ex's (ex before current one) place...listening to her gripe and argue with her relatives...then, "CLICK" and I instantly realized at that point that I had spent well over a year yearning, pining, longing, missing, adoring and loving this woman who didn't deserve my time and I instantly was over her.

 

Where is my "CLICK" now?!?! I'm going to pray for everyone to "CLICK" tonight.

 

 

Orlander "CLICK"

[sfindependent]

i think mornings are the hardest becuase you know that you would face the rest of the day knowing that she/he isnt there to spend the day with you or share the day with you like they used to.

[desertnomad]

I agree with that bogswagen. The day seems pretty long and lonely waking up alone

[richard29]

Morning are bad when you wake up, you just feel that pain. I turned over the other morning expecting her to be there. Long gone are those days... ](*,) doo

[The Crying Pony]

Me...a little over 5 years ago...over at my ex's (ex before current one) place...listening to her gripe and argue with her relatives...then, "CLICK" and I instantly realized at that point that I had spent well over a year yearning, pining, longing, missing, adoring and loving this woman who didn't deserve my time and I instantly was over her.

 

Where is my "CLICK" now?!?! I'm going to pray for everyone to "CLICK" tonight.

 

 

I think that "CLICK" is slowly happening for me. I emailed my mother on Friday because, yes, I broke NC and called him and my boyfriend was nothing but rude to me, swearing like a pig and screaming at me until he jabbed the phone down in my ear. I was crushed, and then my mom emailed back that it is "the measure of the man" meaning that in his house it is OK to speak to women like that (his father was a drunk and really abused his mother), he learned at home that it is acceptable to treat a woman like dirt because she is just the hysterical, moaning cow a man must subordinate...

 

Anyway, I "CLICKED" and realised that I cannot and dont want to put up with someone who speaks to me like that. In my house, it's really not OK to do that and shows that you have been miseducated, raised to be an abusive moron and have no breeding! I am better than that! That was the "CLICK" for me! Thanks Orlander. Now I have a name for my feeling, "CLICK"!

 

Yes, the mornings are hard for me too because I have horrid nightmares about him, and I asked my shrink if I could treat my nightmares in any way. He told me that I could take ONE sleeping pill before going to bed but said the nightmares are a natural way that my brain is working through the pain, and that I should just bear with it until it subsides, so that is what i am gonna do.

 

It is good if you wake up and have somewhere to go immediately. I am a student and dont have a lot of classes in the morning, so the first thing I do is go to the gym. After a 2 hour session, the day is already in full swing and my six pack is that much closer! The rest of the day is a breeze! I also read Purpose Driven Life in the morning and talk to God, I ask Him to take away my feeling of panic and anxiety and boom! I'm OK. Time also heals heals heals! My mornings are much better than they were even two weeks ago...

 

Good luck, we're all going through the same thing in some twisted way...