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I don't know..


stupid_girl
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I thought he was the "perfect guy",u know.Handsome,but not noticeable until 2/3rd glance or till I pointed him out. Oh boy was he is he "something" I wasn't even looking for no one. I was lonely,yeah,but semi content. I'm ill. 28 at the time now 29yrs. old....alot on my plate for anyone and for my age. But my stupid heart spills out and dice rolled I took a chance on him. He had children. he was still married. seprated,but married. I felt sorry for him. He had this way...soo charismatic..charm. 1.2.3. BAM he's living w/me. and his kids..4. the two oldest would soon start to stay at his parent for the week for school was starting so we only(well I,I*) had the two lil ones with us all the time..4 and 2. Oh how I became sooooo attached to the lil girl the 2yr. old. Ppl say I have a great way with kids. I taught her everything to talk potty. anyway. He was leading me on..throwing me lil tid bits of info. as to he was going to get his life in order....I believe it.. that was the plan..he stay w/me,he get it together,we live happily ever after,I freaking believed this! I did. I had gut feelings...I ignored them....or believed in someway he was really helping me. when he was slowly taking from me and I guess "changing" me into being dependent on him and only him. I'm ill as well. I was/did drop stop my life for him,believing fool heartly that he was sincere... and that he would be there for me,if I was down and out. I am stupid.

....I'll leave with that much..what are you guys thinking? Cause this is going to come together as a full story in truth,as in fact,not fiction.

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I'm thinking you should start a new profile.

 

Just because you fell for this guy, doesn't mean you're stupid.

 

Please stop putting yourself down. Yes yyou made a mistake. We all make mistakes. Read other posts and see how many other people have been in similar situations as you.

 

I am sorry that you did have to go through this, I really am.

 

But here is how I look at it. You can either continue to beat yourself up, put yourself down, and be miserable.

 

Or you can stop shaming yourself, realize that yeah you made a mistake, deal with your feelings of sadness, and anger, then grow and learn from this experience.

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Well Thanks and you're rightand that's what I intend to do. I guess the s/n was kind of both,still beating up myself but a silly way of me trying

laugh at myself.

I'm thinking you should start a new profile.

 

Just because you fell for this guy, doesn't mean you're stupid.

 

Please stop putting yourself down. Yes yyou made a mistake. We all make mistakes. Read other posts and see how many other people have been in similar situations as you.

 

I am sorry that you did have to go through this, I really am.

 

But here is how I look at it. You can either continue to beat yourself up, put yourself down, and be miserable.

 

Or you can stop shaming yourself, realize that yeah you made a mistake, deal with your feelings of sadness, and anger, then grow and learn from this experience.

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You think so..? he was separated but not married. I may never know that one. Yes. I am still "with him",but I have made it Home,away from him,thats a start,right. I made a choice for myself. I know I'm not too smart for getting involved in first place. and Yeah the end is correct. It's hard right now..I'm really alone in this. I don't have many ppl in my life. anyways,i'll write more soon.

I'm thinking, he was separated but not married, yet you still had a relationship. Does this relationship continue even now? It seems that you were unwise to engage in anything with him without an official divorce. So far I see no real problem, but I suspect that this isn't in "Abuse and Violence" for no reason.
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You think so..? he was separated but not married. I may never know that one. Yes. I am still "with him",but I have made it Home,away from him,thats a start,right. I made a choice for myself. I know I'm not too smart for getting involved in first place. and Yeah the end is correct. It's hard right now..I'm really alone in this. I don't have many ppl in my life. anyways,i'll write more soon.

 

Well it's sort of a catch here.

 

I had 2 meaningful relationships while I was separated pending a divorce. I certainly don't think they made a mistake by getting involved with me (they both ended up moving to foreign countries--actually the same country--weird huh?). So being separated isn't itself a huge redflag.

 

I think right now you might be vunerable to this guy trying to continue to creep into your life.

 

Work at trying to get him out of your life.

 

Also like I wrote earlier, try not to beat yourself up too much for this.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Time passed..he was living with me. I paid all bills. his kids lived here. I took care of them..he told me about how he was abused by his father. he became close to my family(only includes my mom dad & g-mad) really close to my mom. I dropped my life little by little for him dr. appts....repairing my computer that I had paid a year insurance for,it ran out...all this is looking back. I remember him how he began to spank his lil boy, at times he'd take him outside,I guess so no one could see. I did start to call him on that,thats when he seemed to do it when I or no one else was a round. How the heck could I have missed these signs? he was studying me,my family..everything about my life. thats when his "perfect guy" side showed. He never had a real job,he always said he enjoyed "working for himself more"

the truth is he couldn't keep one they would fire him..He had a slou of debts and owed ppl money in the whole tri-state area..I came to find out..you see,I wasn't aware of all these things,he hide them well and he used the excuse of the abuse by his father & mother was why He/or me didn't go around them..which they are a bit odd. the reason is he didn't want me to know the whole story. He was good at the "feel sorry for me rountine" very good..I began to watch him play ppl over & over with this act of his. all types of ppl bought & still buy his BS. There's sooooo soooo much more to how all this came about. he had me dependent on him, he wanted it like that, in all ways possible..now that is abusive itself! money to taking away my medications u name it. emotional sexual and it became physical...I guess I need to let this out. Is that ok,cause I feel very alone and I really am. He even tried to put medication in my drinks & food as to get me into trouble with my dr.'s yes! I know I felt woosey and saw a white part of pill in my sauce b4. Sometimes you get to a point where it's like no one gets it...No one wants to believe it...or at first that can't get past "he's a good person,NO Way Could he be that WAY!!" even my mother, I ahve had so many different unbelieveible reactions from ppl as to way he might have did that or you know abused me. I am still soo shocked at soceity. after a full night of arguments mind trips and getting beat until 7 am I had a ER DVP put against him. But you,I only got to keep it for a month,I could get it granted because he had No address to be served. oh yeah detectives took fotos of me,of the blood the glass etc. but in order for me to get a full grant DVP, & him having No address I would have to show at court every week @ 8 am mind you being ill etc. to wait and publish it it the newspapaer of a small town where already you know your nieghbours still look at you like it's your fault like I said he put on a face to everyone outside so well,they couldn't or just didn't want to accept that he was that way,so I was to blame. the E.R. DVP was ran out,I didn't at that point have the strenght to hardly hold my head up,going at this alone. I am so screwed up right now. I have had my number changed he now got it,I don't know how and have to change it again. he's still calling I ignore. I Know I am not stupid nor crazy..what I know is this is able to happened to anyone, oh yeah like my so called neighbour said deny deny and " There's no way I'm gonna let some man beat/do me like that!" oh yeah,I hope it don't happen to you,but it dang well can happen.

I need blessing and best wishes for my road ahead. to know its okay to be angry...ok to feel the way I do... and so on..

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Of course it's alright to be angry, you have every right to hate him for what he did to you. you should also be angry at your family for believing him over you..do they still not believe you after seeing the evidence?

 

I don't know what an ER DVP is but if there is that evidence gathered you really must file a full fledged police complaint so he can be put in jail where he belongs..if not for you then for his children they don't deserve to grow up being abused by him.

 

Hope you find the strength to do that...don't worry about what people think or that you're in a small town, if they're ignorant and stupid it's their problem, you need to think about yourself and his children...take care.

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Of course it's alright to be angry, you have every right to hate him for what he did to you. you should also be angry at your family for believing him over you..do they still not believe you after seeing the evidence?

 

I don't know what an ER DVP is but if there is that evidence gathered you really must file a full fledged police complaint so he can be put in jail where he belongs..if not for you then for his children they don't deserve to grow up being abused by him.

 

Hope you find the strength to do that...don't worry about what people think or that you're in a small town, if they're ignorant and stupid it's their problem, you need to think about yourself and his children...take care.

 

An ER DVP is Emergency Domestic Violence Protection. You are granted one when the police have been called and a detective takes you to the courthouse & the magistrate grants you an (ER DVP) right away with proof. I had two witinesses plus the four cops as well as the detective who took me & fotos etc. plus R.Manger of my apt. Complex. Now for a full DVP you have to have an address by law so that he can be served. other wise as I said I would have had to should up at courthouse everyday @ 8 am and wait in line only for him to not show. See yes,he was living with me..but technically he wasn't by lease allowed but,in his case(the feel sorry for me,my kids etc. face/routine) he put on..my Resident Manger let him slip through the tape,she totally has him ban from this property after that night. As for the children...I loved them soo,they never had a "real mommy" I have no say,I am not their mom nor dad...I was just the "girlfriend which whom daddy & they lived with at the time & took care of them. I vowed never to go so quickly to children that aren't mine,but these kids...they needed help ..bathed,clean clothes a routine they was not getting..it's hard to not help kids.

I have just been through A lot. Thank you for your kind words.

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Ok that is just a protection so he won't get near you, but why not file criminal charges? If there's so much proof he should be sent to jail

 

I'm waiting to hear from the court. I did press charges.

My parents...mom she took up for him..at first for a month or so..he went behind my back to my parents house and cried and said "sh'e difficult." (illness see cuase u u are ill disablity,ppl tend to blow off things cuase you have bad days,she he tricked a bit and played that side,pluse the side of I don't have a mom cry cry cry) It hurt so bad to find out my mom had listened to him. She has seen the light now,well I think she just wanted it out of her hair,I don't know but it hurt.

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Well sorry for typos..

He does have a mom and a dad I guess they won't put up with him...I am not sure cause he and alot of ppl say they too are "not right" He went to my parents I guess the day or next day and cried to them really cried. justified his reactions,played my illness card,played alot of his cards..hes good at rhetoric,so good. It makes me sick how he can charm ppl. I know he has problems. I know now I can't fix him which somewhere in the middle I thought I could fix him. all I wanted was what he said he would do. I never asked for much. Just for him to go on with his plans and respect me,quit lying & messing w/ my head and body life..he still calls! Now this is harssesment no..How he gets my number idk...but I am running out of money from him. He can always find work. Money wise it messed me up too. a train wreck. I can see looking back how this could happen,but at the time,I couldn't pull it all together. I do feel stupid to put so many things at risk,they still are debt. my apt. etc. I have learned a lesson ..do not let anyone take your life from you,what you have is what you have,hold on to it tightly,its not easy living ill on a budget. I pray to God..I hope he's teaching me this and the outcome is lesson learned,& I do not loose my life.

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It doesn't sound crazy, and these cases aren't that rare either. If there is a police complaint is there an arrest warrant for him? It should be...if you feel the police aren't pursuing this as they should you could try to get a lawyer to push them to issue an arrest warrant...and whatever you do don't meet him talk to him or help him in any way that might look bad in court..

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It doesn't sound crazy, and these cases aren't that rare either. If there is a police complaint is there an arrest warrant for him? It should be...if you feel the police aren't pursuing this as they should you could try to get a lawyer to push them to issue an arrest warrant...and whatever you do don't meet him talk to him or help him in any way that might look bad in court..

 

Really,not so rare..? I did press charges so there has to be a warrant for his arrest,plus he didn't pay his court fines from uhmmm he was put in jail on a capias charge and a few other driving on suspended times 4 or something back in Feb. of this yr. b4 that night/morning he decided to go full nuts on me..I rememeber when the detective took me down after fotos taken at my place the dept. knew him right off..his address had came back as Mine

and because of he troubles of past. the magistrictsaid to the detective while was nervously filling out the form for the ER DVP he said " I want his Bond. You bring him to me...." I still haven't heard anything, except for how the er dvp was dropped due to he having no serving address, and I couldn't always get to the courthouse to stand in line very AM morning because of soo tired soo sick soo streesed. I once called the dectective and he said he hasn't heard nothing so,I guess I wait. The main thing I want is to heal... For him to stay away welll leave me a lone would be great. and to not loose my home/income/dr.s/mind...I just want my life back. I just want what I had before I let him into it. to eat...to live at my place to pay my bills to go to my dr. appts. to keep what I need to live. and maybe just maybe to find my drive and spirit to laugh again. Thanks Fallout for listening. thanks all.

Let this be a warning to anyone whose in a this situation or like it. I know this can happen. why do I keep feeling soo confused of what I say.. I may need counseling now. Thanks once again.

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i just read a post on here...a girl said "i can't be his emotional support no more."

i can't do it either. i dropped my life for him and i guess he expects me to always do that...He was molested by his dad.. so he needs help i know,I thought I could help him u know,but I can not. like one policeman said..as I started into that explaining him that early morning.." he was abused by his dad...." he stopped me,he said that's no excuse for being abusive to you. now I really feel for my ex about his problems there, but right now I just can't...I have to be angry right now at him...for what he takes from me..I have to be there for me... maybe this venting will let someone else know...they are not alone. I intended to make this a more ledgable read but emotions run deep.

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Hi again, I'm just insisting on bringing him down because I suppose he needs to be in jail before you can heal properly since he's still harassing you...

 

You say he still calls you...so you should get a phone tracer to trace his location when he calls...he doesn't sound too smart to protect himself against that. You can ask that detective to maybe set one up in your home since he's still threatening you, if not you could buy one yourself and give them his location.

 

Gl moving on from this,

 

Fallout.

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Hi there

 

Keep your head up, and keep the NO CONTACT going! He will eventually back of if you completely erase him from your life. DON'T take his calls, don't talk, email, sms, anything. It is the only way you will find healing and get your life back. Quite a few of us has been where you are now, and we made it out ok! I know you feel sorry for the kids, call the welfare and have them looked into, but girl, you have to worry about YOU right now.

 

stay strong, talk to us, you WILL get through this.

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Hi there

 

Keep your head up, and keep the NO CONTACT going! He will eventually back of if you completely erase him from your life. DON'T take his calls, don't talk, email, sms, anything. It is the only way you will find healing and get your life back. Quite a few of us has been where you are now, and we made it out ok! I know you feel sorry for the kids, call the welfare and have them looked into, but girl, you have to worry about YOU right now.

 

stay strong, talk to us, you WILL get through this.

 

Hello,

Thanks for your words,they are a comfort reading from you. I'm trying with everything I have left in me you know,to Erase him. I ignore his calls. those kids...I wish them well..I think two are with his parents and the two youngest the wife has,shes not a good mom either if you read how they thought i was thier mommy, how they wasn't used to proper baths and night clothes..anyway..i'm am taking steps and it means a lot for you all to reply to me as well as being able to talk about this on here,so much it helps. I hope I will look back at this with wisdom and be okay again,but I know I still have a lot of healing etc. to get thro' thanks once again.

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