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hey, i just wanted to get some opinions on this situation, im a bit confused!

 

My ex bf and i were together a year and a half and broke up a year ago. there was no warning and he said he just needed time to think as he had decided he wanted to marry me and got scared. i moved out and gave him a couple of months to think about it. i tried to talk to him but he would say nothing just that he was confused so i decided to leave it alone for a month or so while studying for my exams as it was too hard stressing over both things at once! when i told him i wouldnt be talking to him over this time he seemed to change his mind and wanted me back I said i couldnt and to leave it the month and then we could figure things out. he asked me to marry him then but i said no, we would talk about it later.

 

when exams were over we got back in touch and he said he had been lonely while i was gone and had made a new "friend" who he was spending a lot of time with. he told me not to worry she was just a friend and nothing would ever happen between them, that he was just showing her around cos she was an exchange student and new in town. i didnt believe him and asked him to stop being her friend and then maybe we could sort things out. he didint agree but said he still wanted me back.

anyway this went on for 6 months or so, he kept saying he would get rid of her for me (she was his girlfriend by this stage)but would never do it apparently because i didint guarantee him anything if he did. i figured it wouldnt last as she would go home but then found out he had decided to go with her. i didnt realise he was so serious about her until then. we had had times where we hadnt spoken because i was so upset about everything and he said he had decided to go during one of those times and it was my fault .

 

right up until he left a couple of days ago he was telling me how much he loved me and was in love with me. he claims i am the love of his life and that if we are gonna happen its just not now because he hasnt given his relationship with her a chance in her own country? he said he wouldnt change his mind as it was something he had to do but he would never love anyone like he loves me. he reckons we didnt get back together because of a "series of misunderstandings" and that we could have cleared these up if he had known how i felt earlier? i dont understand that as he knew i still loved him all along, thats why i was still upset over him!

 

i dont get it. is he trying to set me up to wait for him in case their relationship doesnt work out? he told me he hopes when he comes back i am happy and that i desrve someone nice yet also that maybe there is still a chance for us?

im completely confused. i think after writing this i should maybe just leave him alone, i dont want to be second choice, but if all this has happened because of "misunderstandings" as he says then should i wait to talk when he gets back?

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i dont get it. is he trying to set me up to wait for him in case their relationship doesnt work out?

 

That sounds like it's exactly what he's doing.

 

If he really felt that you were the love of his life, why the heck would he be leaving the country to follow some girl around?

 

I agree with you, I wouldn't want to be anyones second choice (especially if they told me about it!)

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so you think i became his second choice when he met her? he said he wouldnt change his mind only because of the money involved in travelling. i thought for a while he was just using her for the opportunity to go over there as hes kinda like that and he said he wasnt going there for her but more the experience? if he was doing it for her and saw a future with her why would he need me waiting for him?

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so you think i became his second choice when he met her? he said he wouldnt change his mind only because of the money involved in travelling. i thought for a while he was just using her for the opportunity to go over there as hes kinda like that and he said he wasnt going there for her but more the experience? if he was doing it for her and saw a future with her why would he need me waiting for him?

 

I'm not saying that you became his second choice when he met her. I'm saying that if he is leaving to be with someone else, and seems like he wants to make things work with you if they don't work out between him and his girlfriend.

 

I don't know what is in your boyfriends heart and mind, so I can't speak for him. One thought might be that he's trying to have his cake and eat it too. He is potentially being pragmatic here. He knows it might not work out, and he has a good thing going with you, so he's trying to avoid burning bridges (which is tough to do in a relationship).

 

His reasoning is stupid. "For the experience." If it was for the experience, what does it have to do with her? There are numerous opportunities to travel, none of which require you do leave your girlfriend for someone else.

 

You can hang around and wait for him, but thats to say he won't pull this same sort of stint later on?

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