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to heal a broken man


honey_bee
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let me start off saying the man i love i hurt him agian

the night before last i was drinking at home an stepped out.

there were some guys outside an i began to flirt and he pulled up, and

was upset that i was talking to them, one thing led to the other, and we got into a argument i was drunk and hit him and spit on him, after i sobber up i was hurt because what i did to him, now he won't even talk to me, i said i was sorry and that the liquior took over me but now he wants me out of his life we been together for 4yrs and this was a problem in the past and i told my self i wouldn't hurt my man agian. i wish it never happen but it did and how do i make it right. I know he can't stop ,loving me a day ago,, what can i do to make this up to him.. i love him and don't want no one else. i am very ashamed of myself........

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Hey HB,

 

You seem remorseful about really hurting this man,

 

But what measures are you going to employ to change your behavior?

 

If you know alcohol causes you to act out of character and be abusive towards this man,

 

Are you going to find ways to stop drinking and now flirt with other men?

 

If you really love him, you would make the necessary changes,

 

Otherwise, he will not stay around and be a punching bag,

 

I wish for the best for you and I hope you will try to make changes in your life,

 

Hugs,

 

Rose

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Honey,

 

When you assault someone physically, it causes psychological damage that's often irreversible. Those memories will stay with him forever regardless of whether he's willing to forgive you or not.

 

It's understandable that he won't talk to you right now. Would you talk to someone who intentionally hurt you, drunk or not? Sorry but alcohol is never an excuse. Choices, choices, choices.

 

From here, it's not necessarily making it up to him but rather changing the way you do things. If this means staying away from alcohol, then do it. If it means learning how to control your emotions, temper, then find out ways to control that. As far as flirting in front of the man you love - that's disrespect. I'm not sure you really respect him.

 

My advice: let time elapse and improve those particular areas of your life. Even if you don't ever get this man back, you will have improved yourself so you don't make this same mistake in the future.

 

Good luck.

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He may have to see you have truly changed, rather than take your word for it that you are going to.

 

What do you plan to do about your drinking?

 

I've had similar problems with alcohol. One thing I realized was that I was using it to alleviate stress and other emotions. I'm going to tell you something right now, the older you get, the less people are going to buy the excuse, "I wasn't sober, that wasn't me, that was the alcohol."

 

Acting out when I was drunk cost me a great deal in the past. As it seems to be costing you now.

 

My advice would be to get serious about pinpointing what purpose alcohol is serving in your life. And replace it with other, more positive activities.

 

I'd let your boyfriend know you are doing this, and I'd also tell him that you fully understand why he can't be with you anymore, at least not at this point in time.

 

That's the first thing you can do to let him know you're finally taking responsibility for your negative behavior, and that you're serious about turning over a new leaf.

 

I can't tell you that you'll get a reconcilation, but at least it might leave the door open for friendship down the road a bit, and maybe something more after an extended period of friendship.

 

I know you'll have a hard time understanding this, but this could be the best thing for you right now. I almost guarantee if he got back together with you right away, you would have another episode. What would be your incentive to stop this destructive behavior? He'd have shown he'll put up with it.

 

The focus needs to be on you and your issues for the foreseeable future, hon.

 

PM me if you need to talk in more detail about this. I've been in a similar situation you're in now.

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thankyou scott

i am going to stop drinking liquior all together. I haven't had liquior in about 6mths because what i did then. I didn't think he was coming over that night and he was fussing at me my sister said. and what makes it so bad is i don't even remember the whole fight, until i sobered up some and realize what was going on..

i have decided not to call him anymore, i ask him to forgive me but i have to look at it from his piont of veiw.. and what hurts is i know that i have changed from the past this situation went took a turn for worst.. I love him and I hope someday he'll let me show him that i never wanted this to happen to us.. even the people that stay by me knew i was drunk because i don't even act that way.. i just stay to myself ... that you agian for listening to me it helps......

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I'm a recovering alcoholic & it sounds to me as if your "issues" are alcohol based..............Maybe this will help you (or someone else)

 

Am I an alcoholic? Quiz

 

This simple quiz may help you answer the question, “Am I an alcoholic?” Give yourself one point for each “yes” answer.

 

1. Do you lose time from work due to your drinking?

2. Is drinking making your home life unhappy?

3. Do you drink because you are shy with other people?

4. Is drinking affecting your reputation?

5. Have you ever felt remorse after drinking?

6. Do you confuse memories of things that have actually happened to you with things that you’ve seen happen to other people on T.V.?

7. Have you gotten into financial dificulties as a result of your drinking?

8. Do you turn to lower companions and an inferior environment when drinking?

9. Have you ever decided to stop drinking for a week or so, but only lasted for a couple of days?

10. Are there periods of time for which you cannot account, no matter how hard you try?

11. Do you wish people would mind their own business about your drinking — stop telling you what to do?

12. Has your ambition decreased since drinking?

13. Have you had to have an eye-opener upon awakening during the past year?

14. Do you envy people who can drink without getting into trouble?

15. Do you ever try to get "extra" drinks at a party because you do not get enough?

16. Do you sometimes “skip” breakfast or lunch so that you’ll have more money to spend on drinks?

17. In arguments, do people quickly concede your point rather than risk having to deal with you when you’ve gotten overexcited?

18. Has the distinction between drinking alone and drinking with others become so badly blurred that you can no longer tell the difference?

19. Do you tell yourself you can stop drinking any time you want to, even though you keep getting drunk when you don't mean to?

20. Are there no longer times when you really don’t mean to get drunk?

21. Do you love me?

22. Do you drink to build up your self-confidence?

23. No, really: do you love me?

 

Scoring:

 

0-3: Risk low. Even people with no risk of alcoholism sometimes encounter alcohol-related difficulties.

 

4-10: Risk moderate. Alcohol has probably gotten you into more trouble than you’d like. The possibility that this trend will continue is high unless action is taken soon.

 

11-20: Risk high. Even you are no longer persuaded by the explanations you give for your drinking. Seek help from someplace other than the place where you usually go when you need help.

 

21-23: Risk null. You have ascended the high mountain and are now beyond the kenning of normal men. Any advice we might offer you would be wholly redundant.

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I'm afraid that you may have lost him for good but if you do fight the drink, you will probably not lose yourself.

 

I fought drink and won. I can even drink without getting addicted and just drink small amounts very occasionally. I had a single glass of beer with a meal tonight.

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hmmm, drinking makes you lose control no doubt but it doesnt make you lose respect. You hit him but what is worst is that you splat on him. I am just wondering if you really dont respect him as a person or are you rightn ow clinging on to the fact that you dont want to lose the security of a loving man?

I hope that i am wrong and things work out for you.

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just to add, there is something to say about the title of the post. Your man isnt broken unless you see him as broken. I think that the relationship is broken in the sense of trust and respect which you infortunately did.

 

I suppose ther eis nothing you ca do to "FIX" you man because there is nothing wrong with him, what you need to do is to somehow build the respect and trust which i think is going to be very hard. From what i see, the problem is not him but it is you. You have got to change.

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