issues with her friends

[JSMITH]

short backgroud info.

 

been seeing this girl for 6 month.

finally she started let me into her life.

meeting her friends, etc. etc.

 

problem.

99% of her friends are guys. - well it's not her problem, but it's the cause of the problem .. at least for me.

 

on any given friday or sat night (when I am spending with her)

her phone rings no less than 5 or 6 times .. all from her guy friends wanting to go out to a club or drinking or whatever.

 

I am not worrying about her cheating on me. i have that much trust in her.

 

problem is that ....

whenever she's with her friends (guys) ... even though she says she's just having fun with her friends .. it's serious flirting (though harmless) going on.

 

i spent 5 hours with her and her friends last night.

saw a number of things i didn't like

heard a number of things i didn't like

 

calling each other "hun", "babe", etc etc

dancing together with little bit of body contact, etc. etc.

 

i have spoken with my female friends ... they all say ... her friends (guys) were in her life before me... i only been in her life for 6month.

she is with you ... you have nothing to worry about ...

 

well ... being a guy ... it's hard to take.

 

is this "jealousy"?

[jackknive]

Its normal. First off most my friends are men too, so I know where she is coming from. However, what she is doing with them isn't appropriate.

 

Guy friends? Great no problem. Guy friends who are rubbing against her when dancing and flirty is a problem... IF she is going along with it. I have guys flirt with me, hit on me, call me baby sweetie honey all the time... I don't respond to it. If she is going along with it, I would be upset and worried... There is trust and there is her being a jerk flirting and doing stuff with other men and even worse doing it in front of you...

 

I have a ton of guy friends that thats all it is, nothing more than friends, and yeh my BF gets a little jelious sometimes, but I make sure I give him NO reason at all to worry... the fact that your here shows worry...

[JSMITH]

thank you for your reply.

 

am i worry? about her cheating? ... no.

what i do worry is that ... at one point (soon - like i said .. 5 hours last night was pretty darn enough) ... i might snap and say something stupid.

 

well ... ask yourself the question (you being a female with ton of guy friend)

if your BF or someone you are in a relationship with .. come into your life .. and tell you to pick your best friend (guy) or himself. ...

 

i know and i was told (by my other female friends) that this is no - win situation for me.

 

it will be interesting tonight...

we made a plan to go to a play.

but, then last min. thing happened ... we are going out to a dance club after the play .. with her friends (yes, including the best guy friend)

omg .. i can't wait ...

[jackknive]

I wouldnt pick... its not fair him to ask that, but i would respect him enough to not be all over some guy or flirty or doing something i think would hurt him or make him feel jelious or insucure or anything... it comes down to a respect issue, I respect him to much to mess around, or flirt, or anything like that

[JSMITH]

thanks again for your reply.

 

like you said ... it's not fair for him/me/bf to .. you know...

 

i am just afraid when and if i snap ...

 

i think you hit the nail on the head ...

consideration / respect / etc. etc...

 

but given the situation ... hope you can understand this is hard for me to deal with.

can't just let it go .. because that's not who i am .. and i don't like it!

can't really talk about it ... because ... it's no-win situation.

 

ahh .... !!!

[confused25]

While I think it's ok for her to have guy friends, it is NOT ok for her to flirt with those friends in front of you, that's really disrepectful in my opinion. If my bf were to have girlfriends like that and does the same thing, I think I'd get paranoid too. I think you need to let your girl know that you're uncomfortable with this and see what she says. I don't mind my bf dancing with his female friends, but I told him that I don't like it when he *grinds* with them and so he has stopped doing that. You just need to let your girl know what you're thinking because she might not be aware of the problem.

[JSMITH]

ya, i drop the bomb last night.

 

we were out having drinks and talking last night.

i asked ...

 

>"was i ok last night?" .. "around your friend?"

>>>>>>"ok? ya ... why .. were you not ok?

>"i tried."

>>>>>>"you tried? what?"

>"no, nothing ..." smile

 

>>>>>>"what do you mean?"

>"no, i was just littler nervous ... much like when you met my friends last week"

>>>>>"no, i wasn't nervous ... as soon as i met them, they were great!"

>"ok... cool"

 

>>>>>>"did you like my friends?"

>"sorry?"

>>>>>>"did you like my friends?"

>"who? sarah? .. i loved her. she;s very cool gal"

>>>>>>"and?"

>"and what?"

>>>>>>"do you like Jason?"

>smile....

>>>>>>rolls her eyes

>"what?"

>>>>>>"it's * * * *ing ovious you don't like Jason."

 

 

>"well, i am trying. I am trying to like Jason, because he's your friend."

>>>>>>"whatever"

 

 

>"well, i did see a few things i didn't like last night."

>"i did hear a few things i didn't like last night."

>>>>>>rolls her eyes. "like what?!?!"

 

>"the way you are calling Jason, the way he's calling you."

>"the way he's touching you."

>>>>>> surprised, caught off guard look.

>>>>>>laugh ... "oh * * * * ... that's just the way we are. I have nothing to hide. can't you see?"

>"no, i am not talking about trust or jealousy. I am talking about respect."

>"i am sure that's the way you guys are for however long you been friends, but doing that in front of me was totally not ok."

>>>>>>"oh * * * * ..."

>>>>>>"I just wanted to have fun tonight. not this. my friend's in town... and ..."

>"I am sorry i brought this up tonight. but it's been on my mind all day."

>"it's obvious we are not going to enjoy each other's company tonight. I am leaving."

>>>>>>"what? you are leaving me here? you are going to walk away?"

>"what? you want me around you tonight? with your friends? dancing?"

>>>>>>"....no..."

>"so, i am walking away now. I will get the tab"

 

>"oh ... i need to get back to your place, so that i can grab my laptop."

>>>>>>" * * * *, no ... i am not going anywhere. you can come by tomorrow morning before your work, if you want."

>"you want me to buzz @ 9am on Sat.?"

>>>>>>"i don't care"

>"fine"

 

walked away.

 

this morning ... i stop by at her place 9:30.

guess who answered the buzz.

 

 

 

yap. Jason.

>>>"hey buddy, i am bringing your computer down"

he comes down ...

>>>"hey, listen ... she said she doesn't want to talk to you right now, but she will talk to you soon."

>"that's fine"

walked away.

 

....

 

Jason lives on the same building.

No, I don't think nor believe Jason spent the night at her place.

 

....

 

whatever.

I guess she will call on Monday or Tuesday when her friend leaves town.

whatever.

[Momene]

I'm fairly sure that Jason doesn't respect your boundaries and may be the type of "best friend" who is really after something more. I can see why you don't like him.