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Broken Record I'm Losing It


iceman85
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I cant stand my game playing ex anymore, why can't I drop my feelings for her? I care about her so much.

 

Yet here we are, another day where I have to force myself out of bed after a night of being hurt by her.

 

She ims me last night asking why I never IM her, I tell her im busy then she flips out saying she gives me too many chances, she doesnt know why she even talks to me, that this is it shes done.

 

I tell her I was simply saying I was busy, she said I should make time for her, I told her thats a two way street. She continues with the this is the last time, I dont even know why I talk to you.

 

She then brings up the fact again that I lied to her about talking to an ex. I told her it was nothing and I was wrong to hide it but I loved her and not my ex, that I was sorry and that I would never do that again.

 

She keeps up with the hurtful Mod edit> like she doesn't even like me, why is she talking to me. I tell her to cut it out, she hurt me alot to by basically cheating on me. She says we werent together it didnt matter. (This is a blatant lie, she was sharing beds with other guys before we broke up, thats cheating to me, not to mention that she kissed another guy on the DAY we broke up and him maybe a week or two later)

 

I dont get her one bit, she wont take the fact that me and her are in a relationship off of her facebook, she calls or finds ways to contact me if I dont talk to her for awhile. Yet when I do talk to her all I get is hurt because she acts like she does above.

 

I told her she came to ME and asked ME to try and get back together. She said she didnt do that and she never gave me hope. Well she did both.

 

I dont even know with her anymore. Last night I was besides myself because I saw that she is offering sexual favors for money to guys. I just cant believe how far someone I care for so strongly has fallen. It kills me. I dont know her anymore. I want to get over her, yet I cant, I still feel like I love her.

 

She is still coming to see me on the 30th for a show that I got us tickets to. I dont get her, I really dont. I hate this rollercoaster or whatever it is. We loved each other so much and now its like we're worlds apart. I want nothing more in this world then to just hold her close again and let her know shes safe and I wont let anyone hurt her.

 

I feel like laying everything inside of me out to her on the 30th. Its make or break time. She has to either decide if she ever wants to be with me again or shes out of my life. I cant keep loving her like this and being hurt while she is out doing who knows what.

 

Help me.

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As someone who is in a similar situation, I would say, wait for the 30th. Lay it all out and I honestly feel she should make a choice. I understand why people say NC is the best way to go, but in these situations it is obviously much easier to say then to do.

 

I think the problem is direction. You seem to be somewhat planted in that you are getting tired of the uncertainty....I totally feel you there man! I see nothing wrong with asking her to make a choice and to be commited to that choice. If she is unwilling to do so, then in your mind you will have the knowledge that 'hey, I did what I could from my end, NOW I can begin to truly move on' No more stringing along, no more games....recieving that piece of mind is when true healing can be begin, imo.

 

If she still will not decide, after you have laid your feelings on the line....drop her like a bad habit and STICK TO NC.

 

I should probably take my own advice as well

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Yeah shes a * * * * *, she dropped me from her myspace top 8 today after we had a feud last night. I wish I didnt love her like I did. Shed be out with the rest of the trash that shes become. I am just praying for direction and to get better.

 

I am just gonna lay it out to her, I honestly dont care what she has to say, she'll be surprised that I am going to take some initiative and be forceful but it needs to be done, I dont understand how she can justify in her warped world basically cheating with another guy, * * * *ing him, then getting all over my * * * about me having a phone convo with an ex that I hid. I admitted it was wrong and I was sorry, she cant trust me? How the * * * * can I trust her?

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