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Every time I feel like I'm healing


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I thought I was doing fine.. Now all of a sudden I feel this emptiness in my heart. I miss my ex.. I try to put on this brave face and I act like everything is fine.. But I miss her

 

Whats so sick about it is, I don't even know what I miss??? We were so toxic together.. It seems like I can only think of our great times together.. Last night was the first time I really let myself feel the emotions.. I thought about all we've been through. I thought of all the good times and not so great times. It was a real roller coaster for me..

 

We have not spoken since July 9th. I seen her one time when I went to go pick up my daughter and it was the most awkward thing ever..

 

I figure she is still with the guy she was cheating on me with.. I guess he will get to experience all the things I wanted from her.. Maybe I should have been tougher in the relationship and not given so much of myself, maybe then she would have respected me.. Maybe I should have stayed living alone and never moved in with her.. Who knows???

 

All i know is I'm hurting today.. I know she will be in Reno at the motorcycle convention they're having out there.. I wanted to go but didn't want to risk running into her.. I know its sick!! I wish I would just get Amnesia..

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Thecheddaboy, you are healing. You're just not doing it overnight. No one does.

 

What you are really missing is what you thought should have been, but was not. You know darn well that you don't cheat one someone you really love. Love requires at least that much, but much more really. It requires us to do what is in the best interest of those we care about. She didn't do that, she did not act out of love, but from her own self-interest. So, you are not missing what was, but what could have and, maybe, should have been.

 

It takes time. Neither I nor anyone else can tell you how much time. Stay busy, and keep trying to move on.

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Thecheddaboy, you are healing. You're just not doing it overnight. No one does.

 

What you are really missing is what you thought should have been, but was not. You know darn well that you don't cheat one someone you really love. Love requires at least that much, but much more really. It requires us to do what is in the best interest of those we care about. She didn't do that, she did not act out of love, but from her own self-interest. So, you are not missing what was, but what could have and, maybe, should have been.

 

It takes time. Neither I nor anyone else can tell you how much time. Stay busy, and keep trying to move on.

 

Thank you for the reply.. I guess I am missing what I thought could have been.. Not only am I suffering, my daughter is suffering from this..

 

She broke up with me over e-mail.. and never looked back.. I had given up so much and tried so hard over the past 2 years to make us work.. I thought it was worth that.. Guess in the end it was all for nothing..

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Eventually, the bad times will pop back into your head and you will be greatful for what happened. Stay strong and hang in there!

 

Thank you.. Whats crazy is in my mind I imagine her having the time of her life, happy and with the guy of her dreams.. Mean while I'm still trying to pick up the pieces of my life that was destroyed when we split..

 

I had to make all the big changes.. Every thing was laid out for her.. When I left it was her moms house so of course she got too stay, she works for her mom so when she needed time off to get things straight after the break up, it was granted.. Mean while I had no where to go.. Lost my job because of it.. Scrambling trying to find a place to live..

 

Its like she hasn't felt any of it. I got the sharp end of the knife!!

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It does take time to heal... Rome was not built in a day... It has been 3 months since my ex left and there were days when I couldn't get up off the floor...

 

Stay busy,listen to loud music in your car.. It helped me... the mornings always seemed to be the worst... If I can make it in the States on my own with 2 children and no family then YOU can get thru this... Keep your chin up... there will be days when you see you are 3 days up and 1 day down

 

Thank you.. Its just when the down days come.. they COME!!! It hits you like a ton of bricks..

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i know how you feel... i think someone said it best when they said these down times come like waves. every once in a while, it just hits you and you have to absorb it, contemplate it, and continue moving forward. i've made significant progress recently in letting go of her and just not thinking about her at all anymore, and it's so liberating and relaxing. that i can sometimes go an entire day or days without thinking about her, my former life. i dunno why the memories come back sometimes. the other day i remember when i first broke up a few months ago... talking to my friend on my phone... crying... and saying "life is so hard" and repeating that. just a really vulnerable and low point in my life.

 

but i think you're making progress. just keep going, living life, living great and making new experiences. i've bought a lot of good books recently and that might help you out too.

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Killing 2 birds with one stone.. That sure knocks the nail on the head...

My ex was a wonderful father... He would take our son everywhere... they were joined at the hip... inseperable... Right now my ex can go for 2 1/2 weeks without seeing his son, for days without talking on the phone or checking on him... What happened to his head to make him change so much? He would always tell me that it killed him to work nights and not be able to see our son until the morning... Our son would call him on his cell and say "Daddy I need you to come home I miss you"... Ex would be tore up.. Now nothing seems to matter...??

 

Are you the Dumpee or Dumper?

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Thank you.. Whats crazy is in my mind I imagine her having the time of her life, happy and with the guy of her dreams.. Mean while I'm still trying to pick up the pieces of my life that was destroyed when we split..

 

I had to make all the big changes.. Every thing was laid out for her.. When I left it was her moms house so of course she got too stay, she works for her mom so when she needed time off to get things straight after the break up, it was granted.. Mean while I had no where to go.. Lost my job because of it.. Scrambling trying to find a place to live..

 

Its like she hasn't felt any of it. I got the sharp end of the knife!!

 

i feel you on that brother. tonight, she's going to SF to hangout with our old friends, which are all guys and has told me that they are all flirty towards her, especially this one guy.

 

also, she's going out tomorow to drive with these same guys to a party up in stockton. and im here struggling to find new friends since she took em all.

 

and she's told me numerous times how happy she is and i should get the hint.

 

i did after 2months and went NC on her today, after she called me last night with a bi**y remark saying its cool whether or not i call her back.

 

i need to get my man jewels back and the respect i deserve and that's priority for me. i just hope i have the strength to get it back.

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i feel you on that brother. tonight, she's going to SF to hangout with our old friends, which are all guys and has told me that they are all flirty towards her, especially this one guy.

 

also, she's going out tomorow to drive with these same guys to a party up in stockton. and im here struggling to find new friends since she took em all.

 

and she's told me numerous times how happy she is and i should get the hint.

 

i did after 2months and went NC on her today, after she called me last night with a bi**y remark saying its cool whether or not i call her back.

 

i need to get my man jewels back and the respect i deserve and that's priority for me. i just hope i have the strength to get it back.

 

I'm with you man.. it really sucks big time.. My friend told me too look at it like this.. Most of the time when they consider dumping you, they think it over for a while.. So before they actually inform you, they are already mentally broken up with you.. So it makes the transition for them easier...

 

Which doesn't help us.. But it will help explain why it seems like they are over us so easy!!

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Yeah I agree chedda. My ex broke up with me 3 months ago and I am still struggling with moving on slowly one day at a time. But she had been talking to someone for months behind me before she left. So in alot of ways she was already mentally broken up with me when she left, which really sux. Today in an email she told me to 'take care of myself'. We just had a few emails about business stuff. Nothing wrong with saying that except that I had a thousand things I wish I could have said in response but i didnt say anything. it made me feel like just some kind of friend or something.

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Yeah I agree chedda. My ex broke up with me 3 months ago and I am still struggling with moving on slowly one day at a time. But she had been talking to someone for months behind me before she left. So in alot of ways she was already mentally broken up with me when she left, which really sux. Today in an email she told me to 'take care of myself'. We just had a few emails about business stuff. Nothing wrong with saying that except that I had a thousand things I wish I could have said in response but i didnt say anything. it made me feel like just some kind of friend or something.

 

Its hard to see them move on so easily.. The other day I had a dream that some hung stud was having sex with her.. I woke up and felt physically sick!!

 

The one thing that helps me when I feel angry.. Is the Tom Leykis show.. Its like therapy for me.. I tune in every day and listen..

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