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Need som advice on good love gone bad.


Hopelessinidaho
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I dont know where to start my relationship is a very strange one and I probably should just move on. I been dating this girl for about 3 years now Im so in love with her and have put up with more stuff than any man should from a woman and have given her every thing. My mind tells me to move on my heart is tired of being broken but I just cant give up on her and I dont want to be alone. I know as well as all my family and friends she is not good for me but I just cant let her go. Im the only stable thing in her life and I take care of her and her kids all the time but I dont know if shes using me or its how shes been raised and I know she is not right mentaly at time. I guess I just need an out side perspective on things I dont normaly do postings or stuff like this but I just dont know who to talk to. Just wondering if anyone can help me ?

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Hi, Hopelessinidaho, and welcome to eNotalone. You've come to a good place to get thoughtful and concerned feedback.

 

You are definitely not alone in your problem. There are many men who fall into the "Damsel in Distress" trap. (And women, who fall into the same trap when they get involved with a man who they feel needs to be "rescued" in some way.)

 

Several reasons could be behind your strong desire to stay in this relationship. You may very well get a sense of validation by feeling you're "needed." The problem is, you're not getting support back from your partner. It's pretty much a one-sided relationship where you do most of the giving. As you know, there are few things in life that can stay unbalanced before they eventually tip over, crash, and a huge mess ensues.

 

Here's a really insightful thread about the whole "Damsel in Distress" scenario that you might find very helpful as you try to really understand what's keeping you in such an unhappy relationship:

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Hopelessinidaho,

 

Welcome. Stick around. You may learn something. Hope someone here can be of some help.

 

I think Scout may be very much right.

 

Also, it sounds to me from your words that she does not treat you with a lot of respect. You give her everything and also put up with a lot of stuff. Well, we normally don't expect people we resepct to put up with crap from us, and most often, those we respect don't get crap from us. If you don't have respect for yourself and from her, you will never have a good relationship.

 

If you want to improve things with her, demand some respect. However, it will probably be very difficult, if it is possible, to change that about your relationship. You'd probably be better off moving on.

 

Good luck.

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Hopelessinidaho,

 

Welcome. Stick around. You may learn something. Hope someone here can be of some help.

 

I think Scout may be very much right.

 

Also, it sounds to me from your words that she does not treat you with a lot of respect. You give her everything and also put up with a lot of stuff. Well, we normally don't expect people we resepct to put up with crap from us, and most often, those we respect don't get crap from us. If you don't have respect for yourself and from her, you will never have a good relationship.

 

If you want to improve things with her, demand some respect. However, it will probably be very difficult, if it is possible, to change that about your relationship. You'd probably be better off moving on.

 

Good luck.

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To answer MizzxOokie, About 6 months ago she left me for another guy moved in with her mom and he did as well I got her back I let her move into my appt. becasue she had no where to go. She still see this guy of and on but she says they are just friends. I wouldnt have a problem with it if thats all he wanted to be was just friends but he wants more. She does tell me she loves me and appecaites all I do for her and does help me out with food here and there. I just dont know if Im what she wants and if I may be just being used.

 

To answer guest Shes in my appartment that is attached to my home till we work things out she need to get better controll of her kids she is 26 with four kids which is a major job she is currently working a full time job and finally accelling in that after doing nothing for like the last 5 or 6 years but welfare and very little child support.

 

I do feel there is a lot of mert to what Scout is saying a lot to what she said , I do feel like my failed marrage has a bit to do with why I havent given up on her and walked away. I do feel there is a lot I do that is not appercaited and she would definatly miss with out me.

 

Thanks for the welcome Beec.

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Just wondering if I can e-mail you scout you seem to know what im going thru

 

Sure, go ahead! But I also encourage you to keep posting on this thread, as well, because someone else might be in the same situation you are and benefit from what they read here.

 

You can PM me, though, definitely.

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Wow... sounds like you're going through a tough time.

 

To address something you said -- you say you don't want to be alone. I'm assuming you're pretty close to her age, so still pretty young. Being afraid of being alone is a very valid feeling, but I can assure you, you will meet other people if you do decide to move on.

 

She's got quite a handful and probably started having kids at a very young age, which hasn't given her the time to really grow up and be a young adult. You can certainly give her time, but I also think you need to be upfront with her about the way her behavior makes you feel.

 

If you really do know in your heart that she's not the one for you, you owe it to yourself to move on. You WILL meet other women, and you will meet someone who treats you better.

 

Good luck to you.

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Lexi28 no Im not young I so wished I was Im 40 and was married for 17 years and my marrage failed for a few reasons to deep to go into but she too left me for another man. I just hate to come home and I hate being alone its so much nicer to have a warm bodie next to you in a cold night that you love. I have done a lot in this relationship in gods faithand Im not a church goer very off the the path for me but something keeps telling me to hang on but Im not sure how long its very strange.

 

Scout how do you pm thru here this is all new to me I usaly bottle things in and deal with them. My friends are great to go to but very opinonated they all really hate her for what she has done to me because they all think Im a wonderful guy.

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