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insane2006
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Heya

 

I've been hanging out with this amazing girl (often long distance due to her study locations) for about 3 years now. But we see each other a lot, when we have the time.

 

Background; when we have had time to hang out, we spend a lot of that time mountaineering or rock climbing together, we generally just like to enjoy the moment - how life should be (and not get too bogged down in relationship details) and have choice time, always laughing, helping eachother with our own projects, great sex,

awesome adventures. In many ways having these adventures together had made us grow stronger and closer over the years. I live near the mountains, i live for the mountains i guess. Anyway, we decided we both wanted more and started to work towards that, nothing too formal but things were set in motion. Its was a nice feeling.

 

The weird thing is, now she has passed her med finals (which I am fully stoked for her) she will be soon be working near home (This is what we both worked hard towards)

but in several conversations with her recently she has not shown her usual empathic enthusiasm towards me and has back pedaled on the commitment thing; the later has knocked me bit.

 

She has a history of sleeping around, which she said has just been part of her life until I come along, and even then she said she did until up until year ago. Lately she has hinted she just wants to have fun again and not bothered with the serious relationship stuff; is our dream about to be shattered, its tough to imagine not being with her, its always such an awesome time with her.

 

Should I let her go now to avoid being hurt later, or just chill out on any details and see what happens? Maybe her brain is just fried from 7 years of study and she needs time to realize again how special I am in her life.

 

The future is always in motion

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She has a history of sleeping around, which she said has just been part of her life until I come along, and even then she said she did until up until year ago. Lately she has hinted she just wants to have fun again and not bothered with the serious relationship stuff; is our dream about to be shattered, its tough to imagine not being with her, its always such an awesome time with her.

 

Should I let her go now to avoid being hurt later, or just chill out on any details and see what happens? Maybe her brain is just fried from 7 years of study and she needs time to realize again how special I am in her life.

 

Welcome to ENA insane2006! Great to have you here...

 

This doesn't sound good at all my friend, not good at all. Sounds to me like she is ready to let loose and go back to familiar territory with her ways.

 

I can tell you surely there are far more "amazing" women than this. You seem to be looking at her through the proverbial rose-colored glasses here and over-looking her past history.

 

What is a better indication of her future actions, what she's done or what she says and what you hope she will do? Do you think one day she's going to have a revelation, do a 180, and settle down with you? And she even said she doesn't really want this!

 

It takes time for people to truly change, a lot of time, and a lot of effort. Just because someone says they realize they need to change, say they have changed, the change doesn't happen instantaneously. It's simply not that easy. And from what you wrote, it sounds like she wants no responsibility in this process anymore...

 

The adventures you described, athletic and sexual, are certainly fun and rewarding, but do not make a good basis for marriage, raising children together, etc. I've fallen into this line of thinking before and the outcome was not good. What else do you guys have together on deeper levels besides what you wrote?

 

This is a tough one because it isn't feasible to think someone can just up and walk away from this. Your heart is in it too deeply it sounds. So what do you do? I suggest you have a serious big time talk with her, lay things out, and go from there. At any rate, I'd start preparing for some distance in this on her part, as she has already alluded to.

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Wow, this seems like an unnecessarily negative interpretation of the OP's predicament, especially in regards to your judgemental attitude towards this girl. Maybe I missed something here, but what "wrongs", if any, has she committed to this guy to warrant such judgement and contempt? In my eyes she is guilty of only one thing, that thing being honesty.

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Heya

 

Anyway, we decided we both wanted more and started to work towards that, nothing too formal but things were set in motion.

 

 

The future is always in motion

 

These two sentences are not only significant but also very telling. I think you should take a step back, take a deep breath and try to relax. As hard as it might seem, try not to force or fixate on the situation of your relationship right now.

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