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Why is my ex checking up on me? She dumped me! Advice needed

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My ex and I were together for 4 years and she broke up with me a little over 3 months ago claiming she loved me as more of a "bestfriend." Its also worth noting she's now 20 and I'm her first and only boyfriend.


I've been on pretty strict NC the past few months, with the exception of exchanging short emails for our birthdays and responding to an email she sent me asking for help with a class I'd promised I'd take for her lastyear. In the emails I was calm, positive, and didn't mention the relationship.


So the past few days I've had dreams about my ex and have really been fighting the urge to e-mail her to open up communication between us, while even possibily initiating like a lunch meetup. However, I decided not to because the way I see it, she broke up with me and hasn't wanted to talk with me or see me since. So as far as I can tell, it should be up to her to make an effort to see me.


For the past week I've had my myspace name "just about done with your butt" because of the Blink 182 song of the same name that played on my profile, and I also recently set my profile to private because I had a feeling the ex has been checking up on me and my page quite often and I got fed up with her having the ability to know what I'm doing, thinking, and who I'm talking to.


Well... today I got a text from a mutual friend that asked me if the name had anything to do with me being "just about done" with the ex. Why she asked? Well I guess the ex had asked her if she knew if it was directed toward her and whether or not there was a new girl in my life because when she checked it was suddenly private. She also said that she thinks I'm over her because of not only the name and private page, but that when we exchanged e-mails I didn't bring up the breakup once.


So... this is where my head begins to spin. The mutual friend thinks that she might have been asking because she doesn't want me to be hurt over her anymore, but at the same time.... I can't help but wonder why after 3 months of not talking to me she was so concerned if there was someone new and if I was over it because I didn't bring it up. I'm obviously still in love with the girl, but I have no idea what to do.


Do I just continue on with how I have been, by keeping the profile private and not bringing up the breakup waiting for her to say something? Should I try to open up communication with her about what went down? I just can't understand why she would get so worked up on whether i was over her or if there was someone else if she's the one that told me I need to move on and she didn't love me.


Help please

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well, just because someone is over you doesn't mean she wants you to get over her.


this kind of thing manifests itself in a lot of different ways. you'll notice other people on this board complaining that their exes are leading them on by saying or doing various things. it stems from the same impulse.


people don't like to be easily forgotten. it's an ego boost for her to still have you in love with her. so i think she read into what you said because she saw it as a declaration that you're over her, and she's feeling a little sore about that.


and even though she doesn't want to be with you, she doesn't want to see you with someone else yet. seeing the person you were with with someone else is the last and hardest stage in getting over someone.


just like she shouldn't have read into your myspace profile, you shouldn't read into her questions. stay in NC. do NOT ask her about this, because even if she really was interested, you would scare her off by asking. she'll make a move if she wants you back...i don't think she does at this point, but if it comes to that, she will make a move.

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