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Sex Buddies = Alot Of Drama And Hurt? This Is Crazy.


preppyusa
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Okay, I met this woman in December of 2005 at a bar. We talk, and we really connect good, but I'm very skeptical of her because she has no job, no car, and a daughter with daddy drama. I tell her I'm not looking for anything too serious right now, because I just had gotten out of something, and she was cool with that. Well, we ended up sleeping together that night we met. Big Mistake.

 

She then starts calling me constantly, blah blah blah. I tell her to kind of back off, and she does. I make it clear that I just want a buddy. And she's okay with that, but then there were days where on the weekend, she would see me at a bar with another girl, and start going crazy. And I can agree to an extent, because we had been sleeping together for a while now and I could see she was developing serious feelings for me. I kept pushing her away for a relationship, only to call and see her really for sex, because the sex was just amazing with her, but she also had a psycotic behavioral attitude in my opinion. I kept wanting to end it with her and I almost have, but then I would pull back..and why..I really don't know.

 

Well fast forward to August. She calls me about 30 times in a row on my birthday wondering where I am at, and I was out with my friends. She's leaving me crazy messages saying "I'm going to bust your windows in", stuff like that, and she keeps saying "I know you got a girl over there" blah blah. I finally call her back and tell what we are doing here is "over" and I hang up. I don't hear from her for over a week, and then it starts to bother me. I finally hear from her, and she tells me she has got a boyfriend, that she is happy, and to never call her again. I must say this really hurt me and affected me in alot of ways. I cried alot, I couldn't eat, I lost over 20 lbs and now I'm a skinny twig. I was really really depressed and just bummed out. And why?

 

So we go to the beginning of September. I get a little better and I'm pretty much glad I ended it. She calls me one day at 5 AM. She is crying and saying this boyfriend she has is beating her and treating her like crap, and that he is not around and that's why she is calling. I tell her I don't care, it's not my problem, and take care of yourself. About a week ago, she calls me again. Same thing. She says she kicked him out of his house and she wants me to come over. Well, I had been drinking, and my stupid went over there. We ended up having sex. Well, I tell her I'm sorry for the things I did, and that I want to be with her because I really do miss her. Well, then her ex keeps calling while I'm there, and I just leave and knew I made a huge mistake. Then the hurt comes in again. I start crying and everything. Well just this past Tuesday, I go to this bar I usually go to with my friends. And of course she is there, with no guy. Well, pretty much we started talking and we ended up having sex again, and stayed the night with each other. She calls me yesterday to go to her house and so I do, and her friend is there. And all she is talking about is her ex. And then I see her stare at a picture of her ex. Well, again, I started getting pissed, and so I lied and said I had to get cigarettes and I would be right back. I went home and started crying because it was obvious she wasn't over her ex, but just earlier she had told me she loved me and all this. So I call her this morning telling her why I left and she says, "Don't call me again. I am getting back with Scott. He is going to take anger management classes. We are two different people, and I can't be myself around you. I am not over this guy at all. We are done". And that was it. And now I feel like I just want to jump off a cliff. It hurts to see her love someone else, when really she loved me for 9 months. I really want somebody to help me with this. I know all of you are probably saying I deserve this, what goes around, comes around. But who is in the wrong here. And why do I feel so depressed? It feels worse than a breakup (whatever you want to call it). Am I the messed up one here? Do I have a problem? Sorry this was so long. I also want to say I have changed my phone #, so that she doesn't call me again. But why do I miss her so much?

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Reading your post is one reason why I dont like FWB. Someone usually gets emotionally attached and gets hurt in the long run. I dont think you are in the wrong. You told her that you werent looking for a relationship and she knew that going in. Apparently she developed feelings for you and started acting weirdly and you wanted out. That is your prerogative. I would advise that you just do NC with her, avoid her phone calls, etc. and DONT SLEEP WITH HER AGAIN.

 

Move on and realize that FWB usually breeds more problems than it solves.

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Sounds like you really didn't know what you were getting yourself into and now you are caught up in the drama. Honestly ask yourself if this is the kind of relationship you want, should things work out. Do you really think you could both have a mature, healthy, stable thing going on? My guess is it would talk too much work.

 

A lesson learned. Next time you are not really sure what you want things slow and you may both get to the same place at the same time.

 

Good for you that you are changing your numbers. Don't give her anymore access to you until you figure things out and heal some from this.

 

How old are you?

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I am 25 years old, and she is 21. Thank you for your comment. I know that we probably couldn't have a stable relationship, I guess it is eating me away that she has moved on so quickly, and I miss her, even though I pushed her away for 9 months. I guess I miss her attention she used to give me. I don't really know. I changed my phone # because I know that in a few weeks she will call me again doing this same thing, even though she says she won't. But why am I so emotionally depressed over this whatever you call it we had?

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The player got played. I'm sorry to say it but it really happened that way in your case. People get into FWB relationships thinking they can separate the mind from the physical but almost all of the times, they can't. When emotions and sex come into play - one or the other will sooner or later cave in and become the nervous wreck that they are. They let go of all inhibition and the next thing they know - they're dying from a heart ache.

 

I really don't know what to say except if you truly came to care for this girl, fight for her. Otherwise, let her be. You two keep going in circles and that's not healthy.

 

Have you two ever sat down and seriously talked about the direction of your relationship? It occurs to me that you two both want something lasting but then you're stuck in the FWB zone and cant' seem to get passed that. I think a time to sort things out between you two is in order.

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OK, I know what it is like to get out of a relationship and just want some female companionship, BUT you HAD to know what was going to happen. I mean she sounded like a real head case to begin with AND you did not even want her.

 

That being said, it is normal to feel bad when someone you have been with for some time leaves; even if you don't really like her.

 

My ex and I had so many issues. We even secretly wished the other would end it. I still cried like a baby when she left.

 

The only thing I can say is that I went through the same feelings and they arre normal.

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