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Any advice when you realize you behaved badly?


BrokenHeart82
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Ok so looking back on the relationship between my ex and I (Ive been reading old email) I realized that I really did push him away.

I know he loved me and cared for me very deeply and I think that scared me and I pushed him away...until he finally had to cut me out of his life. How do I make up for this, what can I say or how can I act to at least say Im sorry?

 

In the end he ended up saying that he needed to be by himself for awhile but I do miss him, and not just him as a boyfriend....I miss all those little things about him that made him HIM.

 

Any advice? I have been NC except for one phone call about stuff left at his house for 12 days now.

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Well i'm not sure of your circumstances with your ex--- but maybe you could call him and tell him that you realize how foolish you behaved...not that you want to get back..but you want to let him know ....that you are sorry.

 

I can definitely relate to how you are feeling and I have made ammends with umm err...3 ex boyfriends...no 4..lol yeah ..4 and well it's very freeing to admit your faults without any expectations from the other person.

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If you would ultimately like to get back together with him, then I think you should talk to him, tell him that you realize that you have not behaved well and that you are truly sorry. Tell him that you really care about him and that you would like to give the relationship another go but realize he needs space right now and that you will give him the space he needs.

 

This way you have made it clear that you are sorry, you would like to try again, but the ball is in his court for when or if he wants to try again.

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The problem is i dont want to push him further away by contacting him...everybody preaches the NC thing...

 

I just have realized in the past couple weeks that the reason I acted the way I acted was because I got scared.

 

A couple days ago I had posted on myspace about being happy because i had done really well on a very important test...he messaged me on there with "GREAT JOB!! I Just wanted to say I knew you would do well!!!"

 

I didnt respond but im wondering if i should and see if we can start talking again?

 

I dont want to force him into a relationship if hes not ready for one right now but I also dont want to lose a chance with someone who I really think could be the one....

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Don't take the NC thing as the gospel truth and the be all and end. NC is great in some situations but not in others. It really should be on a case by case basis. In your situation, since he emailed you, you should email back, especially since you recognize that it was your behaviour which pushed him away. A nice thank you email and even a sentence about how you are sorry for the way you have behaved, might go a long way.

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My own pride (along with the bad advice of a friend) have kept me from seeing the true picture of whats happened and how I drove him away.

 

About 2 months ago my ex and I decided to move in together. I was happy about this and so was he and then I started getting cold feet. Instead of just saying I was a little scared I basically picked a fight saying how i was going to be financially strapped and all the hassles this would cause ME.

 

He tried to be as understanding and supportive as he could, telling me that either way I decided he loved me, etc....

 

I just kept being wicked instead of stating how I was really feeling...then about a week later he decided to put this on hold (with due cause) and I once again got angry because by then i was okay with moving in again and felt like he was rejecting me.

 

All in all the thing snowballed, the whole time with me being very angry at him when i shouldve just stopped and examined MY OWN BEHAVIOR...

 

Now ive lost him and I cant say I blame him....I dont know what I should do??? Any suggestions?? He has never even mentioned this during the breakup (except once when he brought up that i had actually said i didnt want to settle) and i know this hurt him.

 

What do I do?? I love this man and I realize now that I have just been scared of my feelings.

 

PLEASE HELP ME!!!

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Oh, hon...do I ever know how that feels. The only advice I can offer goes along with what the other posters already said...An email in response to his message is an easy way to go about it, but a handwritten note has an amazing personal touch to it...You could also call him, but the danger there is that you'll get emotional, say too much, and end up pushing him away. Without going into much detail, explain that you're sorry for hurting him like you did. Be concise, don't make it into a novel, and I wouldn't even mention him giving your relationship another chance. If he sees that you acknowledge the mistakes you made, he might be willing to slowly work his way back to you.

 

I'm in a very similar situation here, so feel free to PM me anytime -- I don't want you to make the same mistakes I'm making...

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brokenheart,

 

The more you hang on to him the further you will push him away.

 

it is ok to take some time apart. Respect his wishes to take some time apart and thank him for letting you do the same to think things over.

 

Ask him for a meeting after you had had some time to get yourself together and lay everything out on the table and tell him that you want get back together.

 

xx

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Well I wrote him an email and basically confessed that I realize it was my own fears that blinded me. I told him that he is a wonderful man and that this breakup hasnt changed my opinion of him. I also mentioned that he shouldnt feel guilty (as i suspect he does) for breaking up with me, i cant blame him for it. I didnt mention getting back together because i didnt want to pressure him and i didnt want him to think i was just saying all this so he would ask me back. He wrote me back this morning and said "I wanted to write and let you know I received this email, we both made mistakes, i dont hate you and im not mad at you. Have a great trip and be safe!!!"

 

What do you think? Whats the next step? Do I just leave him alone for now?

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He hasnt been mean to me...and I should clarify something.

 

We broke up and then after 2.5 weeks he asked me back, we jumped into things way to fast and after a week he said he had to step back and be by hismelf for awhile (recently, very recently, divorced). He was mad at himself for breaking up the time before and not giving himself time (we talked everyday pretty much)

 

I feel almost like he is avoiding me because he wants to make sure he gets that space this time....

 

Neither of us hate eachother...so im thinking maybe ill keep in touch in a friendly, not overly aggressive manner. I guess that technically is LC and not NC?

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I don't think "no contact" is necessary in all breakups???

 

It sounds like he is a great guy. I admire you for taking the time to admit and acknowledge that you knew you were responsible for the break up.

 

I say have friendly conversations with him. See how it goes. If it seems that it's consuming much of your energy and you're feeling bad about things, step back a little.

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Well for right now he isnt taking my calls, but I think this is probably because last time when we would talk on the phone i admittedly would put alot of pressure on and get emotional which i know hurt him. He'd say "Jenny please dont cry, please dont get upset".

 

I also do believe that he is making sure he gives it all enough time. I figure that if I just work on becoming the person i really am and moving forward with my life...eventually if those doors are open we will find a way back together.

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I would just play it cool from here if I were you. I wouldn't call him at all. Just a friendly email when you return home. Maybe even with a gesture of getting together for coffee or something. Be careful not to come on too strong...

 

Sounds like you have a good plan "work on becoming the person I really am"

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