After year can't bring myself to move ahead.

[backinthesaddle]

Here is the data:

 

- GF and I together for almost a year (8 months exclusive)

- She has very, very strong feelings for me

- I have strong feelings for her, but not as strong

- We are in mid to late 30's

- Both have been through divorce in the last few years and tough rebound breakups

- If I was ready for marriage, she has all the qualities to make it work

- I feel I it would be healthy for me to settle down, but the wild side won't let me.

 

Based on all that, I felt she wanted more than me (now) and I backed off. It's not just that I'm not ready. I can't see anytime in the future when I will be ready. Also, she seems crazy about me (more everyday). I don't want to drag out relationship and make the breakup harder later (hurt her worse).

 

I told her I wanted to take time off to figure things out and see things clearer. She said that I need to make up my mind now, and she is not going to wait to be hurt worse. We are currently on a "break", and she said she will tell friends and family its over on the weekend.

 

Help is always appreciated...

[Lexi28]

You know, as a girl who recently passed her late 30's, it's a hard time. We believe we "should" be settled down, and if we still want children, we'd better hurry up. We often make the mistake of pushing relationships too fast.

 

Based on what you said, she sounds like she has the potential to be a long-term partner for you. But you said you want time off... is that really it or do you just want some time (not off) to figure things out?

 

Let her know where you really stand. If she's that crazy about you, she will allow that time.

 

Good luck to you!

[Rabican]

I guess you have to weigh the options, would you rather lose her altogether than to take the next step? If the girl is really worth it, it might be worth risking the next step and if it does fall through later... well then deal with it later.

 

Im sort of dealing with the same problem Im 26, girl is 28... we broke up last year and are back together. Shes READY for marriage, I want to wait a little while for various reasons (job security, buying a house, basically want to have some sort of a plan/ foundation in place before we tie the knot). On several occasions shes said if im not ready now I never will be... which i know is not true, but seems to be her way of trying to force the issue. Maybe she thinks i wont ever be ready if im not now... but sometimes people have feelings, wants, expectations at different times.

 

Bottom line if you are forced into taking the next step and you are not ready.. then maybe its best to end it. You dont want to become all resentful, or feel trapped if you are not ready. If its something you think you can work on, why dont you try a relationship counselor or something like that.

[TheFallenShadow]

Whats the point, if she hurts now or later. the hurt is still going to be there...maybe your "break" should just be what it is....and let it go...from there...hey i know a trick why dont you just ignore her.....that seems to be the going tread with people. they would rather just let it go, and not talk at all, through any issues that could be over come....and im sure the silence will say everything for you....

[backinthesaddle]

Well, I guess I got both sides of it. One camp (from this and more from other posts) say that if it doesn't work now, it will never really work. The others say that getting back together is always a possibility and can work. I feel guilt becuase I should of not gotten in this far unless the feelings are mutual. I did tell her all along that I was somewhat emotionally unavailable, and she said it was okay and she wanted to spend time with me anyway. I have to admit that I do have feelings for her now. I do love her. There is just doubts about (me) ever moving past this point in this relationship.

 

Maybe my head is screwed on wrong to think the one person can love the other more. Love is love... You either in or not, right or maybe?

 

It's scary because I was on the opposite end of another relationship. I felt more strongly about her; I was in overhead and tried to move back. She(ex) was insecure and wouldn't let me go. She finally found someone else while we were still going out. It crushed me, and I vowed to never hurt somebody like I got hurt. I wished my Ex had the strength to back off and let go like I am trying to now. I took a long break from dating after my heart was broken, but it still controls me.

 

Maybe I putting too much pressure on myself and us...?

[nilli]

I could be wrong but I think I may be somewhat in your GF's position.. The guy I was/am involved with (long story) just doesn't seem to want the relationship to progress and I'm pretty sure it's because he senses that my feelings are stronger than his. He also left a 10yr relationship so, not the best of circumstances.

 

Not knowing where you stand can be very hurtful, especially when there are no apparent conflicts. When he seemed to let himself go a little, was more affectionate I was always steeled for him to be more distant the following day...and he invariable was.

 

It was very sad as the closer we got, the further apart we seemed to end up.

 

What is it that isn't working with you and her? Are you reluctant to see her and open up to her? Do you argue a lot? Do you feel unconfortable?

 

Hope you decide one way or the other. It may be simplistic but don't you think it really comes down to making a decision?

[Ms. Babydoll]

I think you need to let her go, it'll be much better that way instead of leading her on more, otherwise she's just going to grow stronger and stronger feelings for you while you're not being true to yourself and acting like everything is ok.