Good people turning bad

[Momene]

Is it just me or why is it that you meet someone of the opposite sex (or same sex if that's your taste) and immediately like them. You then fall in love but after a few weeks/months/years/decades, they just aren't nice anymore?

 

You just need to look at this board, so it's not just me.

 

Although some of us manage to stay in relationships long term, I've dated about 16 girls in my life and only married 2 of them, so it's an ever-repeating pattern.

 

Now is this because we get mutually attracted to people who are unsuitable, we're not fussy enough about who we date or is life just like that?

[Dako]

Good one.

I'll bet this puts some wild theories on the table!

 

My wild theory:

People are easier to endure in small doses.

[shellshocked]

I think people fall in love with the "notion" of falling in love.

So they meet someone and attribute to them all "their" idea's

and fantasies of who they "want" them to be.

 

Well then, after the honeymoon period (or limerence period) is over,

they start to r e a l l y see the person in all their humaness...and

when it doesn't live up to their fantasy...then it's done.

 

So i don't think (for the majority) that people "turn bad". I just

think that our perception of them changes.

[Momene]

I think people fall in love with the "notion" of falling in love.

So they meet someone and attribute to them all "their" idea's

and fantasies of who they "want" them to be.

 

Well then, after the honeymoon period (or limerence period) is over,

they start to r e a l l y see the person in all their humaness...and

when it doesn't live up to their fantasy...then it's done.

 

So i don't think (for the majority) that people "turn bad". I just

think that our perception of them changes.

 

 

That was my first marriage through and through!

[sparkle1]

Great thread! I am sure like Dako, it will throw up some interesting views!

 

I personally think that as we move through life we change immensley - not just age, wisdom, and character, but also what we want and need from people. When i was younger, it was all about the 'looks', now, the looks are less important, and the person is...and because of the place i am in right now i look for certain qualities....which in a few years time, the goal posts will change - i would have changed and if the partner you were with then, hasn't changed with you...then you may be in trouble.

 

Hmmm interesting! i like these threads....make you look at yourself in a whole new light!

[Momene]

Well, with our marriage at the 17 year mark, we've passed the basic compatibility test but yes, there have been a lot of changes, many (most) of them quite unwelcome as we've got older.

 

I'm getting more self-centred as I'm starting to realise I haven't got that long before I'm old.

[itsallgrand]

I've got a couple of theories on this:

 

*Lots of folks are suckers. Fall for appearances, and what they want to see, and don't dive deep enough. Fast thrill, instant gratification, gimme gimme now.

 

Any part of you that hasn't grown up or is in fantasy-land will show up in your partner as a flaw later. Totally.

 

*People do change.

Poop happens.

 

*People expect too much from others. Few of us are actually taught the realities of life and so our expectations are cloud-in-sky bs. This can go back to Theory #1 and #2.

[NJRon]

I think looking at the examples on this board is a poor way to judge the "common occurrence" of relationship failures... not too many people come here to announce their successes.

[Momene]

I've got a couple of theories on this:

 

*Lots of folks are suckers. Fall for appearances, and what they want to see, and don't dive deep enough. Fast thrill, instant gratification, gimme gimme now.

 

Any part of you that hasn't grown up or is in fantasy-land will show up in your partner as a flaw later. Totally.

 

*People do change.

Poop happens.

 

*People expect too much from others. Few of us are actually taught the realities of life and so our expectations are cloud-in-sky bs. This can go back to Theory #1 and #2.

 

Agree and those with low self confidence will grab the first person who shows interest, not realising that there are millions of alternative partners out there, as long as they open their hearts and eyes.

 

Gulity as charged first time round.

[Momene]

I think looking at the examples on this board is a poor way to judge the "common occurrence" of relationship failures... not too many people come here to announce their successes.

 

Depends on why people come on here. I went on the BBC board about 4 years ago before I had any problems. I just enjoy chatting about this sort of thing.