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87 days since break up - want to do NC but have 2 kids ?????


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Hello

I have posted before in regards to my situation, thanks for the advice from you guys...

I seem OK but It really irritates me that my X has not really thought through our situation...

I mean we have a house , which he is still paying the mortage every month in lieu of child support but he still won't answer me if we are selling it or what?

He has told me he is sort of seeing someone ( what's this sort of buisiness ) and I know he has set himself up in a little apartment way over the other side of town and living by him self ?

We have 2 children (5yr & 18mth) and they are in my care 24/7 - He visits twice a week and I am not angry or vendictive towards him....

I have been told by his mother that he still loves me - well funny way of showing it ha? To tell you the truth I am happy within myself and I realise that it takes two, to drift apart, but there are also contributing factors such as life changes, outside influences and a major lack of communication between those who you are supposed to talk to.....

What I'm trying to say is, what is taking so long for him to decide? - The other woman in his ear ? Fear that I may blow up at him like I have in the past? ( I 'm over that stage now ) HELP

Last week I confronted him for the very last time - basically I said to him that I loved him with my heart and soul and I loved him enough to let him go and find is Happiness...... Told him that he was my best friend and always will be ... Our love will always be present in our children.. I see them every day. If he ever needed to talk , vent scream whatever that I'm here for him.

Also stated that it was wrong of me to rely on him for my happiness and that happiness comes from within then shared with a loved one.... I said unfortunatley me living under a rock for nearly 2 years didn't help matters but it was the best I could do when my mum died suddenly (I felt like I had lost a limb ) then I found out I pregnant with our 2nd our house had no roof on it because of a major renovation and to top it all off, my dad was rediagnoised with cancer and died this year in June.......... Hello!!!! have I been through the wringer or what ???????? I'm still smiling !!!

Still living because whatever life dishes out I'll handle it

He actually teared up infront of me -

Did I make him feel even more remoresful? Guilty?

I really truly didn't intend on it! I wanted to show him for myself , that I am the person he had fallen in love with again !!!!

I held out my hand to console him & he moved away - then I actually walked up and hugged him! He did hug back to my surprise.

I said if he wanted to judge our relationship of 9 years based on the last 2 then it was for him to decide, I on the other hand don't.

I wanted to try NC but I can't because of the children ........

What to do ?

Cheers Meeko

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You sound like one strong woman and I think what you did was right and what you said was perfect. Find peace of mind that you did the right thing.

If anything, it showed him the reason why he fell in love with you in the first place. Well done.

 

Now it's done, stick to your word and don't bring it up again or it might undermind all your hard work and leave you feeling anxious and stressed again.

He KNOWS how you feel now, you don't have to repeat it, he won't forget or take things the wrong way. Repeat to yourself what you have told him so keep it firmly in your mind.

 

ABout NC..

From now on, work on maintaining a good relationship with him for your children. Arrange a time maybe once or twice a week when he can call and discuss any problems you may be having with the home or children, keeping him in touch but at a distance seeing as NC is impossible at this time, unless there is an emergency, of course. Don't talk about the past, your emotions, his possible new partner, stick to the matter at hand.. the children.

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Thanks Bethany

 

I will stick to my word, I am trying to maintain a good relationship with him for the children, They do need their dad after all & it makes me happy to see that I am truly happy within myself to be able to look at him and not cry about what we once had....

A friend told me it's too early for me to call it quits, she knows what I've been through and claims he doesn't seem to really want this break up , but I'm not waiting here holding my breath for his return... I'm moving on and going out when I have baby sitters. I only wish he sorts himself out so he doesn't repeat lessons you are suppose to learn from.

I would really hurt for him when and if he wakes up in several years time thinking ..... What have I done? I know it's not my problem, and I'm not out to fix him - I guess I do really love him and wish him the best !!!!!

Cheers Meeko

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