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alright...i need some advice. I like this one guy, I am actually in love with him, but he has no idea. I've been wanting to tell him but I've decided to just hold off on that for now and to try and build on our friendship a little more first. we are friends. but he's straight and has a gf. i knew it would be difficult to find time to spend with him... but i have found a way and its through studying. he really needs help in this one class and i offered to give it to him and he accepted so just waiting for him to let me know when. im just wondering if anybody has tips for any moves i should make when me and this guy actually meet up.

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Heya,

 

You mentioned that you are a male in love with another male who has a girlfriend and is straight.

 

Many people on this site rant that you should leave your feelings behind if you love someone who is already in a relationship - personally I should know this because I once loved a girl who was with someone.

 

What makes your problem a little worse is you are in love with a straight guy.

 

I personally advise you leave this guy alone and look in a different direction for someone else. I know it's hard but there is no way you will convince a guy to be gay as well as break up with his girlfriend for you.

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Dear dangerouslyinlove,

 

I'm afraid Toggle is right. I'm in a similar situation, and I know exactly how you feel: that keen sense of frustration, of moribund inaccessability, of unrequited love.

 

Being in love with a straight guy who has clearly established his straightness is unhealthly and unfair to you. You are in fact prolonging and deepening your agony and exposing your heart to additional wounds by spending more time with him, particularly in a one-on-one study session environment where you might make the unintended pass and where the physical proximity renders the sexual tension unbearable.

 

In my case, I've explored many similar ways to spur situations that would make me find myself alone with my "man". I would organize extended working trips where it would just be me and him, I'd find excuses to repeatedly go over unnecessary work things with him (he's my surbodinate at work), and lastly I actually managed to coax him into cooking dinner for me at my place and he agreed to do it! (But has yet to do so).

 

It's really wishful thinking on our part. Ironically as gay men, we find ourselves inadvertently attracted to the qualities normally found in straight men and herein lies our dilemma.

 

You are still young, hence many ample opportunities lie before you to uncover true love. Do not despair, you have the key to someone's heart but it just may not be this guy....

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(sorry it took so long to reply...)

 

because you know this would be my first ever relationship and say it doesn't work out and ends then i would lose the relationship that i sacraficed almost everything in my life for. what do you think about that? would you take the chance?

 

Well, someone has to be your first one. Sooner or later you have to risk it for happiness. Remember, if he's interested in you hten he'll probably take that risk too or would want to keep it a secret. if for some reason something would happen if both of you are closeted chance of him telling anyone is quite small. He probbly would have as much to lose at this as you. I and my boyfriend can't really be open about it because of his parents. He is my first and it's going great.

 

as i can see this new topic the getting in contact issue is gone now and it's all up to you. How he will react is, I don't know, but if so far it doesn't seem to be a big chance of him being homo- or bisexual.

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Keep in mind the difference between love and infatuation. Especially given your age, I am willing to bet that what you are feeling is a very strong infatuation, otherwise known as a crush!

 

But the problem is that this guy is inherently inaccessible. 1) he is in a relationship already and 2) he is straight. There is no way he can return the feelings that you have for him, and therein lies the heart of the problem. By continuing on this path, you're only going to set yourself up for disapointment, pain, and heartbreak.

 

It's human nature to be attracted to those things that you can't have. And I have a strong feeling that this guy's friendship to you is much more valuable than anything else, so I would reccommend against acting on your impulses, because you may end up risking the friendship.

 

good luck sorting things out!

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