Jump to content

NC help


richard29
 Share

Recommended Posts

This is really hard...... I've done NC for ten days now and a month without seeing her. I've stop driving past her work as it's on my way home from work. I think i'm doing well. There just this little voice say ring her, text her or just a quick e-mail. It's always in a morning i feel weak, does anyone else feel like that when they wake up???? ( that's if you can sleep) . I know NC is for the best and will not contact her again but it's a real fight at times. I've deleted her number off my phone but i know the number off by heart anyway.

I just need to know if this gets better by the day? I'm just hurting and want to move on?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Stay strong, I've been doing 3 months nc and know exactly how you feel. Whatever you do, if you want to keep strong stay with nc, even if you have to dial a pretend number instead of hers... I still think of him all the time and it takes so much strength not to contact them. It does eventually get easier... You can do it!!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Mornings nights are the worst for sure. Feels like you're being haunted doesn't it? That little voice is so small and so faint yet oh so powerful...

 

It will be cyclic I've seen, some days better than others and some days just straight-up suck. But the overall trend of the cycle is downward definitely...as long as stay the course and don't set yourself back...

 

I've experienced a relative high immediately following the split, sort of an elation of freedom. Then the reality hits you and it gets really hard (sounds like you may be there now, 10 days is about right for this to happen), then the cycle, then it gradually gets easier and easier...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

tell me about it i am on day four he text me yesterday saying he was there for me and then called me to see how i was etc i want to call him today so badly but for what reason if the boy dont want to marry me then waht is the point of contacting him he has made it clear - he will regret it later on i am sure but for now i have wasted 5 years with a fantasy of his that we would be friends forever to realise now he is leaving this was no reality is just heartbreaking for me - idiot!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

tell me about it i am on day four he text me yesterday saying he was there for me and then called me to see how i was etc i want to call him today so badly but for what reason if the boy dont want to marry me then waht is the point of contacting him he has made it clear - he will regret it later on i am sure but for now i have wasted 5 years with a fantasy of his that we would be friends forever to realise now he is leaving this was no reality is just heartbreaking for me - idiot!

 

Yeah, I'd rather have someone tell me to "go myself" than say they'll "be there for me" after they break my heart...for sure...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Richard, it will get better, it's best to know that those "feelings" of wanting to "ring her or contact her in anyway' will pass, just "feel" them do NOT act on them. It's so normal to feel as if you are walking through cement during this first part of no contact, but it does get better, and if you stick to it, it's gaurenteed you'll feel BETTER ABOUT YOURSELF in the long run.

 

Hang in there, whenever you feel the desperate urge to contact her, come here and vent... and also ask yourself questions like: Am I being realistic about what it would feel like AFTER i called her? What "good" would come from it right now? Wouldn't it be better if I have enough self respect to NOT contact her? Just go one day at a time, just for today, "no contact"...

 

you will feel better, it just takes time... try to be in "accpetance" no matter how much it hurts, that kind of "unending pain" comes from the "resistance" to the FACTS... so don't resist it, feel it, "accept" your feelings of loss, and know that you will be sad for awhile, but this too shall pass...

 

Try to separate your "feelings" from the "facts", that is what helped me maintain "no contact".. eg: my "feelings" I missed him, loved him. the "facts" my ex was not interested in a real, longlasting committed love with me".

 

ANOTHER FACT: I was not interested in ever trying to "convince someone to keep loving me".. and you shouldn't be either...NO CONTACT is the most "healing" thing you can do... you're worthy of a healthy, mature, loyal, trusting, sexy, fullfilling love life, and you will have it... look ahead, because staring in that rearview mirror only causes us to crash... the best is right ahead of you..

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Another day done of NC.... This really is not easy. I just keep thinking one phone call and maybe i can turn it all around. I know that's not the case and if i could, would i really want that person after all this pain.

I just want to wake up and it not be on my mind,don't get me wrong it easier now then it was 3 weeks ago. It's all the un-answered questions.... I'd just like to know what happened to the person i loved? She now so cold towards me.... WHY? It's not same person. I suppose it's her way dealing with it to push me away and move on. I'm venting again ( Sorry )as it's morning time and i always feel weak.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Another day done of NC.... This really is not easy. I just keep thinking one phone call and maybe i can turn it all around. I know that's not the case and if i could, would i really want that person after all this pain.

I just want to wake up and it not be on my mind,don't get me wrong it easier now then it was 3 weeks ago. It's all the un-answered questions.... I'd just like to know what happened to the person i loved? She now so cold towards me.... WHY? It's not same person. I suppose it's her way dealing with it to push me away and move on. I'm venting again ( Sorry )as it's morning time and i always feel weak.

 

I've got to say you sound like you have got it together Richard. The answers to your own questions sound pretty accurate to me and you have good self-awareness. You keep arguing your heart down like this and you'll be fine...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

hang in there - i am day five of NC well okay i called his answer machine but otherwise no reply to his texts etc - i feel worse in the mornings and at night - i dont want to hang out with my friends as they are all married and i work from home - i am dreading the weekend - what can i do to make it better this weekend - i thought of going to a singles night but i didnt want to go on my own and dont know anyone who would go with me -

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I have the same problem at weekends..... i think i'm single.. i can do what i want...go where i want, then i can be bothered to do anything but sit and think. Reading books has helped and watching some fun DVD's. All my friend are all couples and have kids. The thing i don't want to meet anyone else. I don't want to hurt anyone on the rebound,that's not fair.

I've not got the answers for weekends.... Any ideas anyone?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Richard, the weekends are tough for awhile, but here are some suggestions:

 

is there anything, any project, anything you've wanted to "get done" that is outside of "this" heartache? Something that has NOTHING to do with or will directly remind you of the ex?

 

Because the "exes" are on our mind/heart all the time anyway for the first few months of no contact, so we have to make an "effort" to push past this emotionally... by making an "active" choice to do something, just one thing differently in our routine...

 

Find something you would really feel good about accomplishing for YOURSELF. It can be a simple as cleaning out a closet, building something, or learning a different language.

 

A friend of mine who was so desperately sad over an ex, you know, the "feels like walking through emotional cement" phase, so she signed up at a extension course at a nearby college just to take a beginning Italian language class on Saturday afternoons, (she actually did this because she thought the "ex" who is Italian, would hear she was doing this..ugh) okay so she might not have been signing up for the class for the right reasons, but doesn't matter, she was doing something to improve and expand her sense of "self",

 

she ended up going to the first class, and coming home only to say, "I don't know why I did this, it's stupid, I'm too old for this, and it make me miss him more", BUT.. we all encouraged her to do it for HERSELF.. just go back for the next class...

 

She went back for the next class, then the next, and a few weeks later she befriended a guy in the class...and NOW, they've been dating for over a year... so it's all about not fearing the "unknown" of the future, but actually choosing to "look forward to it".. the best is right ahead of you.

 

Be proud that you keep walking through your pain, hold your head up high, this is an accomplishment in itself...and your self respect will build, and empower you as the "one day at a time of no contact adds up" and do NOT contact her at all... let her "think/wonder" if that is where fate puts her heart...meanwhile, your heart will heal.... find something to fill those awful heartbreaking weekends.

 

I know you don't want to jump into another relationship, and that is wise of you. If this following suggestion sounds corny, then forget it, but, they have cooking classes at different stores, look on the web in your area, there's about 15-30 people to a class, 70 percent women plus a few guys. You don't need to have any experiences..cooking, that is. Believe me this is so worth it, you'll make some new friends, and women love a man who can make them a great meal once in awhile... if this is something you might never consider, then all the more reason to do it now...

 

We're all here for you, you're doing great...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

i am so with you this weekend i am going to watch syriana - get hair cut - women always do that when a big change happens in their life and then i was and dont laugh thinking of going to the singles drinks thing i found - i may go even if it is on my own - someone put on these posts that one must not waste more time grieving about another you gotta just go for it.

 

The ex is coming on sunday for lunch - thought we should get our stories straight and so he knows i am there for him when he goes but i cant be friends with him unless it was an emergency - i would have gone with him but he is running scared re marriage and i cant deal with this sort of behaviour after 5 years -

 

Okay so sun night is gonna be tough but for the better - i think i am happy with my decision - i keep singing that song "my heart is saying dont let him go but my head is saying fool forget him" or something like that.

 

A thank you to all for your support for the last 5 days too - it helped like i cant believe and i was up in all hours of the night and came straight here for support so that held the tears back to know you all were feeling the same way - maybe we all meet oneday on a happier site!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

×
×
  • Create New...