A Picture of the other Woman

[gnabna]

Quite literaly I have an option to see a picture of the woman my estranged husband was cheating with. This in no way seems healthy or a step forward. However I am genuinely curious to see what was worth risking 16 years of marriage over.

 

Am I insane to even entertain the thought?? Or will this bring me closure some how??? She lives in another state & I would never have to see her... I would lovto say that she could remain faceless but I have def imagined what she looks like so much that she no longer is faceless. I have her close to perfection honestly. Maybe seeing her will make me feel better o r worse. No idea.

 

Would you want to know?

[TheRedQueen]

I'd like to know.

[TheRedQueen]

But it could be a bad idea.

[g44]

stop thinking of in terms of cheating ok...its in the past...and don't ever ask for something like that..unless u are in a 'good place' - actually don't even ask...when you both are chilled, it would be nothing to share...i have went out with women and seen their pictures of ex bfs...i you are secure in yourself it shouldn't be weird...i actually liked seeing who my ex dating when she was in high school...weird clothes and hair styles...has nothing to do with me...and u find out more about her...its all good

[doyathink]

It's normal to want to know all the details and knowing what she looks like is one of those details. It may make things worse for you by doing this as it will make her more 'human' and the situation more 'real' but if you want to, then do it.

 

Think long and hard before you make that decision tho.

[melrich]

If you don't need to see it and you are unlikely to ever see her then I think you should leave it alone. All I can see that it would do is personalise her more in your mind and I don't think that is a good thing. At the moment she is this kind of hazy 'other woman", almost not real.

[g44]

the new person in someone's life usually looks nothing like u, and they act and behave not as u did as well....i have never seen someone that ends a relationship and starts seeing someone that looks just like u

 

i remember telling my daughter about that when her mom started dating - and she said how did u know that...and i said...think about it...why would u start dating a copy of the person i just left...

 

she smiled and said so i will introduce u to him next time we are all togther

 

and i laughed and thought - wow - she's only 10 and fearless

 

so, i said

 

deal

 

kids are the best

[gnabna]

stop thinking of in terms of cheating ok...its in the past...

 

Sorry but that is what a six month long affair is, it is cheating. This is not some ex boy friend this my husband of over 16 years.

 

 

also i am positive she does not look like me. we have discussed that. I am very secure in my appearance but still am very curious what was worth all of this pain and suffering.

[HealingHandsWarmHeart]

Is this picture some place that you can put it away until you are in a stronger state of mind and then view it later on if you still wanted to?

[g44]

u can call it whatever...how u decide to label it and have it effect u is up to u

 

if i upset u - i apologize

[Anna.]

I'd wanna see it too

[gnabna]

Is this picture some place that you can put it away until you are in a stronger state of mind and then view it later on if you still wanted to?

 

No healinghands. He is going to e-mail it to me tonight. So I was having second thoughts wondering if it really matters. I could just delete the e-mail. But I really have been wondering. This is so junior high drama, I do realize that. I usually am a very strong, mature adult. hahaha... This seems to have reduced me to a teenage girl wondering if she tinier then me or gasp, prettier. I am so not a fan of feeling this way or even admitting it out loud, well in print.

[annie24]

I don't know... I don't think I could handle seeing it. it would make me really upset and angry, and I think I would find myself getting subconsciously angry at any woman I saw walking down the street that looked even a bit like her.

 

example: my high school boyfriend broke up with me for a girl that looked a bit like Sandra Bullock. as a result, for about 1 year, I couldn't watch any movie with sandra bullock in it. and anytime I saw her in the magazine or something, I couldn't even look. pretty crazy, huh?

 

so, i wouldn't look if i had the chance. ugggg..... it would just torture me.....

[gnabna]

I opened up the e-mail and viewed the only picture he saved of her. I am ok. I really am ok. Thank you all very much for you r advice and keeping side tracked while I waited for the e-mail. Relief.

[annie24]

why relief?

[gnabna]

Honestly it was just a relief... I had built her up in my mind to be so much better then me. I am 33 ans she is 25. That is a painful blow to a girls ego. As petty as this sounds, it turns out that she is not at all the gorgeous girl I made her out to be in my head.

[annie24]

Ok, I am glad you feel good!

 

personally, i would feel bad no matter what. I know that one time, when I saw an ex on the street with a date, I was in shock over how unattractive she was. i was like, "um, he was with me, and now he's with THAT???"

 

but, some of my friends here on enotalone reminded me that perhaps she had some really nice qualities that he liked about her.

 

so, I don't know - I'd feel crappy either way - if she were hot or ugly.

 

all the more power to you for being able to see the photo.

 

are you sure your hubby is no longer talking to this woman?

[melrich]

I want to say I am so happy for you but it is not really appropriate!!

[doyathink]

Me too Melrich and perhaps it is appropriate! We are happy that she is happy that the other woman isn't 'all that'!

[MollyElise]

Hell I even hate seeing pics of my hubby's ex's but at the same time.... I cannot help it!!!

 

And damn myspace... I am so nosey I can't help but look at hubby's ex's my ex's.... old friends that are no longer...

 

Thank goodness I feel like I look pretty good and have a good life going.

 

OT - but I had to say, gah I can be catty. I have an x-friend on myspace that I peruse from time to time. Well she lives in Tx but has always wanted to move up North and her myspace background is all the "sites" in D.C..... well I live in D.C. now and am on a quest to get a picture with me infront of each and every memorial so that I can post it on myspace, cause I know she looks and I know it will make her jealous. {{HISS}} {{HISS}} LOL... at least I'm usually aware of my faults, I guess?

[Rabican]

if you stay with your man, dont see the picture. If you have left him then go ahead and see it.

 

Also remember its not all about looks... look at some of the insanely hot hollywood girls (carmen electra comes to mind) whos husbands cheat on them. So if you see the picture, and shes pretty dont beat yourself up over it. Im sure in a lot of cases its just a matter of 'something new' or as bill clinton said, 'because I could'.