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I'm having an internet affair


tankgirl
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I keep telling myself it isn't real.

 

It's not real. You are living a fantasy on so many levels with this one. It's not real, you are simply addicted to a fantasy.

 

But I just can't do that to my family.

 

You should start thinking about what you ARE doing to your family. If you think this is having no affect you are kidding yourself.

 

Same old advice for everyone in this situation. If you want to go ahaed with this computer guy, end your marriage first. If you don't want to end your marriage, stop typing with this computer guy.

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Hmm... I've been in something like this. Mine ended up hurting me in the end because it was me that ended up alone and he ended up with his girl friend. He and I still write to eachother. There is the occational flirting from his part. I would like to know if that means anything... he says he loves his girl friend, but would cheat on her when around me, not to mention Flirting.

 

But anyways...

 

You do have a family. That's the issue there. You are torn between 2 loves. The love of a man and the love of your family.

 

Though the choice is, without a doubt, ultamtely yours. I would advice you that, if it would help you get over him... stop writting him. Family is the most important thing in one's life. You have children, though they may be too young to understand... they will judge you. This can hurt them very much. In this situation, it's difficult not to feel selfish, but I would advice to put your feelings for this man asside and think of your kids and husband. Because though you say you are in love with this other man... you must have felt something for your husband. Maybe what you feel for this other man isn't the same love you felt back then... it could be this feeling of lust and young love that you would like to re-live. But in the end, you will have to make a choice.

 

I wish you the best.

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How are you helping him??? You are not. He's deployed in Iraq.. and you may be helping him wile away the hours... but you arn't really helping him.

 

You are helping yourself.

 

It is so easy to fall into the trap of a cerebral love affair. He's telling you all the things you want to hear. He's boosting your ego. He's making you feel good about you. And hubby is falling short in this department eh?

 

You need to sort out your own marriage. Don't look for outside stimulus to make you feel good about you. I'm sure if you were with your Internet-lover 24/7... you'd soon see sides of him that may not quite fit the bill.

 

The newness of a new love affair gives you that addrenulun rush you haven't gotten since maybe the early days of your relationship with your husband. But its not the real deal.

 

Say good-bye to your Internet-love affair.. and take care of things on the home front. Try to find a way to mend it.... or end it.

 

If you finally leave no stone unturned.. and you END it... then give yourself time to sort out your baggage. If Internet-lover is still free and clear... then pursue that venue. But until then.... use your brain and work through your journey... on your own.

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You are living in a fantasy world there girly. You fell for an IDEA of what this man is. You spent a couple of days with him and talked to him online... great. So you dont have to deal with any of the annoying quirks that someone has, their habbits, mood swings, real life problems, bills, sex life etc. etc. etc.

 

Theres about a MILLION real life things that you are not getting out of this fake relationship. I wish people the best in their online relationships, but I think you, and anyone else involved in one needs to realize that ONLINE is ONLINE and real life, is real life... differentiate the two because they are not the same thing.

 

that said, you really should focus on your husband and your relationship with him. And if you really are not in love with him, maybe you should tell him and you can decide if its something you guys can work out or not. Maybe he would rather know (i would) so that he can move on and find someone who really does love him.

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A cautionary tale:

 

My husband began an online affair 6 years ago, and I just dicovered it a month or so ago. He has developed a deep relationship with this other woman, and says that he can't give her up. I did everything I could to convince him to go to counseling and try to save our marriage to no avail.

 

So this online affair has caused us to split up, and I am filing for divorce.

 

Be careful you don't lose everything over this.

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I left out an important detail...my husband's online affair ended up being a real affair after she moved to our area from another state to be near him. So what started as cybersex became a full-blown affair. Now, 6 years later, he has a very deep relationship with her that he says he cannot live without. He admits that if we had talked about the issues that made him seek out an affair 6 years ago, we might have had a chance to re-build our marriage. But now, he's in so deep with her that he feels like he would die without her. I hope that you don't let your situation get to that point.

 

My point here is that an online relationship IS real, emotionally speaking, for you, and it may progress into something more than it is now. It would easier for you to break off contact with him now, rather than wait any longer if you really want your marriage to stay intact.

 

In my case, my husband kind of made the assumption that our marriage would always be there for him. What he didn't count on was my finding out about it, and then making MY decision to divorce him. Now he's feeling very sad and keeps saying he regrets his actions. But for me, it's too late to save our marriage.

 

Good luck with your decision.

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