How do you stop looking?

[mjctraider]

My question is pretty simple I guess, but complex at the same time.

 

A little background I guess. I'm 28 and I've never had a girlfriend, not even as much as a second date with a girl. I've never kissed a girl and have neever been kissed by a girl. I've had a few dates here and there the last one was about two years ago. So I'm not that good a getting dates.

 

Most girls seem to be already taken or just not interested in me. I'm not the greatest looking guy so it makes it a tad bit harder. I've tried using my personality to attract a female, but to no luck. It's not that my personality is horrible, it's just they see me as shy at first and don't take the time to get to know me. I can be outgoing, you jsut have to get to know me.

 

Anyways I've tried the online dating and gave up on it only to go back to it months later and then I give up again only to go back to it again and the cycle goes on.

 

I'm not into clubs, bars and not religious so meeting people in that way is out. I live in an area that does not have a lot of single people and my friends don't seem to have any single friends.

 

I want to just give up and stop looking. I just feel like I was meant to spend the rest of my lfie alone and there are times were I just want to give up altogether on life. I've tried to stop looking and it only lasts a few days maybe a weekor two at best and then I want to look again for a female that would go out with me and that I would go out with, but I can't find her and then I get depressed again and I stop looking, but that doesn't last long and again I am stuck in this cycle.

 

I have no idea how to just give up on finding love and be happy. I truly have not smiled in many many years. I always walk around like I am miserable and truth be told I am, I almost never smile, but I am almost certain that this is repelling women like crazy, but I can't just be happy. I'm tired of being alone and not being able to hold someone in my arms and just have that touch from a female. I'm tired of my heart aching all the time.

 

So what can I do to stop looking and be happy when I am just so miserable that I have no hope left in me in finding love? I apologize for the long post, I tend to ramble on at times when I am down.

[stopit]

Well, there are two ways you can go from here. You can come to the realization that happiness is not dependent on romantic love (which I think is perfectly healthy and something you ought to do regardless), or you can keep looking until you find someone promising (which is something that seems to be important to you, something that you don't seem to want to give up). Ideally, you'd do both and be better off for it!

 

If you stop placing so much emphasis on your singleness and stop feeling like a failure, you'd boost your self esteem a bit and increase your "approachability" factor (something that is easily dragged down by feeling down). In the end, love isn't some panacea that will automatically make you happy: it's something you have to work for to maintain (you're probably well aware of this, but idealizing love gets dangerous in terms of expectations).

 

It's perfectly healthy to be single and happy, and it's something you can do if you let yourself excel and reach your potential in other areas (i.e. do something rewarding; the reward of a relationship can be replaced by the reward of contributing to the community or of advancing in your work place). But this doesn't mean that you don't deserve a relationship. There are tons of shy guys out there who get girls. Make yourself available, and if there's no one in your neighborhood, then go to places where you're bound to meet new people. Join groups, a book club, a community service group, anything group-based. Keep trying, but don't put the focus of your actions on getting a relationship. See all the above activities work in two ways: self improvement and meeting new people. It's having that second purpose that will make you more resilient and will also give you more things to talk about when you meet new people.

[mjctraider]

I've tried to be happy about the fact that I am single and everything else in my life is going pretty good, but I see love on tv at work, at the mall no matter where I go I see it and I want it. Yes it takes a lot of work and time to get to that level I see, but I want it. Even if it only happens once to me and it never happens again I jsut want it to happen once.

 

I mean I'm going to be 29 soon and I've never even been on a second date and I just feel so horrible. Everyone around me has had a girlfriend and everyday that goes by it seems like it is less and less of a possibility, which further sends me into the pit and it makes it harder to get out and when I finally do I slip and fall back in. I know that being in a relationship with someone isn't all that it is cracked up to be at times, but I at least want it to happen once to me.

 

I just don't know how to rid this negative attitude I have about life when I have had it for so many years and have tired so hard to get rid of it. And it makes it even harder when it seems like trying to find a girlfriend is suck in my brain and I can't get rid of it no matter what activities I do I can't get rid of the notion that I am single and I'm tired of it.

 

I've tried and tried and everytime I get rejected and yes I know it's a numbers game, but it seems to be that I have defied the odds and have been rejected so many times that it seems impossible and that there would have to be someone that would have the slightest interest in getting to know me.

[ILovePasta]

Hi There,

 

I think alot of people feel that way at some point in their life. Truly and honestly though the key is YOU.

 

Generally, women are attracted to confidence more so than physical appearance. Though it does help, I would venture as far as to say it is not as important as alot of us guys think.

 

If you are the life of a party, or the guy having a good time...good carefree fun, not obnoxious moronism some guys display, women find that attractive and in turn find you attractive.

 

Remember, a not so attractive person with the RIGHT personality (and Im not only talking about the sweet, sensitive guy. I mean the guy who has a great sense of fun, humor and confidence) can become very attractive to a girl. It even works in the opposite. A good looking person with the wrong attitude can become very ugly.

 

It is hard to explain and very difficult to grasp, but I think 95% of women would agree. It happens alot, in front of you if you just take notice. Watch that one guy who looks like he is having a ball and the people around him adore his company. He might be physically unattractive to the casual onlooker, but you can be damn sure several women around him are thinking he is pretty hot stuff right about now.

[now_better]

i'm reading a great book right now called "Intimate Connections". you can do an link removed search for it. it's an awesome book for analyzing your actions, putting it down on paper, and looking at them rationally (you'll often times find that you are having irrational thoughts). really helps you better understand yourself, love yourself, and as a result makes you look like a more confident person.

 

personally, i think you're trying too hard. i just got out of a 5 yr relationship recently and i did at first, but don't really feel like i need to have someone in a relationship w/ me. having someone to share your life and memories is incredible, but your life is not less because you don't have someone (i'm processing this idea myself). often times, it's a matter of perspective. if you go through the posts from people on this website, you're going to find relationships are not the end all be all. some of these people would be much, much better off not in a relationship. so i recommend you get the book and focus on why you feel the way you do. you'll become much more successful in the long run this way imo.

[stopit]

You can weigh 800 pounds and have third degree burns covering 80% of your body and still have luck with the ladies. I'd say it's part physical (but that's only in the initial phase - as time wears on (and I say this about girls who have depth to their personalities) it matters less and less), part maintenance (if you keep yourself clean and care about your health), part personality (obviously, though this is something that wouldn't necessarily get you rejected on the first date unless you start doing something along the lines of verbally/physically abusing your date), part approach (the way you carry yourself in public and approach women), part luck (how many pots of gold you find at the end of rainbows), and part about connections (i.e. you know people who have single friends, you work in a place a lot of singles are at, etc.). So which factor is it? I'm sure I've left some other unforeseen factor out - feel free to name it.

 

Once you consider what it may be, layout a plan to "fix" it. If you don't shower and smell heavily, well, there's an easy fix to that. The factors that I would assume are problematic are the approach and connection (and quite possibly luck). Approach applies in that you lack confidence, as the other posters have said, and in that posture and other such factors are important in your presentation of yourself. Approach also constitutes the attitude with which you approach initiating a relationship: if you come of as too needy or too serious or too demanding, that's going to throw people off on the first date. Connection is also important in that you're probably looking in the wrong places. Make yourself available and go out to a book store, a restaurant, a single's bar - wherever possible! - and make sure you're using open body language (e.g. roll your shoulders back, keep your head up, don't look at the ground, smile, keep your back comfortably straight and walk with an air of confidence).

[mjctraider]

Again the key is looks are part of the initial phase. If you don't have the looks then you'll never get past the initial phase. It's like a car...it can be a nice $500,000 Bentley but if you don't have the keys to the ignition then it's useless to you since you can't drive it.

 

 

 

I have to totally agree with that. I don't know a whole lot of girls that have checked me out, most of the time they are checking out other guys around me. Case in point one of my friends at work is fairly good looking doesn't have to say a thing and girls are asking him out all the time and what about me. They see the pale faced bald guy and don't even give a second look. Yes how one presents oneself is important and might determine how many girls might hit on them, flirt with them, check them out etc, but from what I've seen if you don't have the looks they don't look at you. They look away. Especially if you try and look at them. It's rather frusrtating.

 

I just want to stop and give up on looking for a relationship, but I see it everywhere and I want it.

[stopit]

Okay, if you believe that, it's true. Unless you are disgusting to look at, with spit hanging down your face, oil dripping from your hair, and snot hanging from your nostrils, it's not going to be the be all and the end all. What is attractive to one person is not to another - there is no universal attractive quality (check out any post on here that has polled the qualities that women/men find most attractive in mate and you'll see that there is no consensus). For some people, baldness works, for others it doesn't. Just in the same way for some people muscle definition and the typical male model physique works, whereas for others it simply doesn't. There's someone out there, probably a larger population than you would have yourself believe, that find you attractive. Give yourself and women in general some credit.

 

I'm not really sure what you are asking for at this point. You say that you want to stop the search, and then you say that you want a relationship. Which one is it?! You've got to work out these conflicting desires: which will make you most content? It's funny because for some people they wind up in a relationship the second they stop looking. Maybe it would be good for you to take a break from the search and just focus on yourself for the time being. If you've always wanted to try a sport or go parachuting, then take it up. Be adventurous or read books if that's something you've always wanted to do but never seem to have had the time to do because you were distracted by the entire relationship thing.

 

One thing that I can tell you is that if you do continue your efforts and date, you have to have your mind set about it and openly acknowledge this. You have to be all there - you can't be wavering between this and that. Uncertainty and doubt won't get you very far.

 

Quite obviously you're not very happy with your looks. You should work on this: either change it so that you are happy with it, or reconcile yourself to accepting yourself regardless of your appearance. You have to stop seeing this as a limiting factor: you deserve so much if you'd only let yourself reap all these things! I think by fixating on looks your just making yourself feel hopeless about the situation. Okay, I'll admit that looks are important in the first stage of the relationship, but only to a certain extent, and that extent changes from woman to woman. Don't let this discourage you: the only way it can truly hurt you is if you believe that you don't have good looks and let this lower your confidence.

[Marc]

Well mate, I'm new to this forum and after seeing a wonderful type of people I decided to register.

 

Anyways, whats wrong here is not your looks or personality, it's your state of mind - You see, what has happened you in your past with the ladies is bringing you down, and everyday is making you feel worse.

 

My advice to you is find a way of meeting people be it a bar, speed dating or whatever, let your personallity shine (I know you done this before, but no matter how great you are there will always be rejection) Just learn the hard way through trial and error.

 

A few tips;

Learn the ice breakers on approaching

Ask the person their name

Tell them yours and ask some simple questions

 

Learn what works well, you can tell this by their facial expressions, see what went wrong and try again on someone else.

 

One thing though, try not to ask "What do you do?" putting people in a state of mind of thinking about work can lower their mood.

 

Rejection is a part of this, but hey.. if they don't know you and you may not see them again, who cares.

 

Everyone is beautiful inside.

 

-Marc

[tangovito]

oh boy!!!! you talk to some indian guys who are 35+ and are single.....

the chances are you will feel happy. just take interest in group activities and make friends with girls and then take it up slowly.

[New_Horizons]

You say that you want to stop the search, and then you say that you want a relationship. Which one is it?! You've got to work out these conflicting desires: which will make you most content?

 

As another single, lonely guy in a similar position, I too feel these apparently conflicting desires. But they are NOT conflicting. The desire for a girlfriend is always uppermost. But at some point, we realize that we just can't do it. We would like to do it but there is something about us (our bodies or our personality, I don't know) that turns off virtually all women. Resignation sets in and our next best choice is to try and deaden the pain. I would always desire a Bentley but if I know I'll never get it, I would ask for advice on how to stop thinking about the darn Bentley. A poor analogy, I know.

 

Someone mentioned 35+ Indian guys who are single. An excellent example. On the *outside*, they are usually everything a woman would not want. Shy, poor social skills, unsexy accent, lack of stature, inexperienced, not the greatest looking guys, etc. I happen to be one, so I'm not being racist But it certainly proves that the majority of women (>90%) judge men on their looks.

[mjctraider]

 

I'm not really sure what you are asking for at this point. You say that you want to stop the search, and then you say that you want a relationship. Which one is it?! You've got to work out these conflicting desires: which will make you most content?

 

 

Yes I know it is conflicting, but it just seems like I'll never find anyone so I just want to give up and stop looking, but I can't. This is the one and only thing that has eluded me. I'm going to be 29 soon and I just can't seem to find a girl that wants to get to know me long enough to see if it works out.

 

I think my mind is too stressed out to keep looking, but my heart aches for love and compassion from some one other than family and friends. I don't neccessairly find myself to be unattractive, but just average. It just seems like no one will even give me a second look. It might be every two years or so that I meet a girl that likes me and filrts with me. Here's the problem though, they are already taken and I would never try and mess with another guy's girlfriend because I believe that karma would come back on me and the same would happen to me. The way I look at it is that if it is meant to be it will be and if it is not it was never meant to be.

 

I know that I have conflicting issues. I'm just frustrated and alone. I have some self confidence, much more than I did a few years ago, but I just get down when I see all these guys around me getting hit on and getting dates and I'm standing there like what the **** am I chop liver.

 

I know that I need to go out and go to the bars, clubs, etc blah blah blah, but I'm not into that stuff. I've tried looking for groups that are into the same stuff that I am into, but no such luck. I've tried the online dating and they don't even give me a chance. I know girls get tons and tons of emails all the time, but it's like I don't exist. I try to be funny, etc it still gets me nowhere.

[stopit]

I know the conflict well. You want romantic love, to share all your victories and losses with, but you know it's unattainable for this reason or for that. You feel like perhaps you don't deserve it, maybe. You feel helpless and insignificant.

 

I'd choose this mix of pain and hope over jadedness and boredom anyday. It seems to me like that's the alternative route you're heading, an attitude bordering on "Oh well, I tried." It's exasperating and tiresome, but quite honestly it can only go away if you remove yourself from everything that triggers the thought of romance: movies, tv, books, couples, etc. Even if you do become Henry David Thoreau, you're still going to think about it. You can't detach yourself from something you want, from passion. You know that already I would think. You can try, experimentally, smelling a foul odor everytime you think about love to train yourself to hate it. I think that would just make you bitter and bemused more than content and at peace.

 

Figuring out how to get relationship is your struggle. You haven't given us enough info to identify the "problem" though it seems like a wrong time/wrong place scenario. Figuring out whether you want to fully commit yourself to this is also up to you, or deciding if you just want to wing it and focus on other areas of your life at this time.

 

I know it's frustrating and devastating at times, but your future isn't set in stone. You have many years ahead of you, so many that time is pretty much inconsequential. Stop using the figure 29 years as some sort of testament to how you think you failed - attitude is everything! You've met some women in the past, but other factors weren't working for you - the lesson you should learn from those encounters is that there are people out there for you who want to be with you.

 

You need a break from all this, from the stress and the emotional up and downs. So take a break and take things at your own pace. Work on your confidence, seeing the good in yourself and your achievements. Make a list of goals that you want to accomplish and set about making them reality. Don't be so hard on yourself - forgive yourself for your flaws and praise yourself for your assets.

[py7h0n]

Agree with quoted post. There's nothing more to it - it's a genuine, authentic post with how things really are.

 

Now, this post is GOING TO BE LONG AS HELL. The reasons are two-fold - whenever I post on a forum I like to check out once in a while, I post essays that I should be typing for college papers instead. Secondly, when I feel passionately about something or can relate to it myself, my sympathies come out to either reinforce my own beliefs (or the OP's if they are the same) or, in this case, try to help the person out with my own experience.

 

I'm a 19 year old junior turning 20 in a few weeks, so I've got a few years under you, but I went through pretty much the same stuff as you during my first two years of college. I don't smoke, drink, do drugs. I still haven't been kissed, or had a girlfriend, and used to get down on myself for that. I had some luck with a certain lady (it was my first post on these forums, you could probably search for it if you want) because when I didn't think about it I sent off the right signals etc etc. I feel I'm decent looking but I'm constantly told I'm handsome, although I could probably lose a few pounds. Whatever, +self-confidence for me. Even then, looking at you, you are not bad looking whatsoever. You are FAR from ugly - I know what ugly is, trust me on this I'd say you are decent looking - this is coming from a straight guy who does not even know you and thus has no obligation AT ALL to say things just to make you feel better.

 

But the thing is - that doesn't mean jack. Good looks to a woman is like...neat looking pancakes...sure it helps if your pancakes look full and circular etc, but even if they looked like scrambled eggs they are still made of the same stuff and taste great. So while it helps to have a hunky, 6 ft blue-eyed blonde-haired surfer with a washboard body with every single muscle toned to the extreme, if he is as caring for other people as * * * * Cheney is a precise shot or as fun to be around with as George Bush is eloquent, then he won't survive the first date unless the girl is EXTREMELY superficial and/or is only looking for easy to get sex.

 

Now, let's get back to my comparison of you of how I used to be, and a contrast of how I've dealt with the situation by changing myself (keywords of this whole post) to how you've just given up in a state of resignation.

 

Because you have referred to girls not knowing "the real you", I decided to check out your myspace to get more info and see how I could relate to you. It's uncanny - we are very similar. I'm just checking out your answers to the various questions and can sense the humorous, fun to be around, confident, awesome Mike wanting to come out, but instead the pessimistic, self-loathing, unhappy Mike overriding it. I would have answered all those things differently, but back during my depression I survived and overcame over the last two years I would have said almost exactly the same things (I for one like Iced Tea you loser! How dare you disgrace the name of Iced Tea! j/k). But let's give an example of how to show more self-reassurance, self-confidence when talking to others or getting people to "know the real you" without needing to talk to you for too long.

 

Instead of saying "If I didn't I'd smell and people would give me dirty looks" to the question "Do you shower daily?", you could instead be more focused on how you feel about yourself instead of how others perceive you and can show this with an answer along the lines of "Of course I do - I don't want to get used to calling my house my 'kennel' anytime soon". Humorous, out of the ordinary, not based off what others think.

 

Saying "Sadly, no" to the "Have you gone out on a date recently?" question shows self-loathing and lack of self-confidence and unhappiness, all negative feelings that radiate from you based off body language and tone of voice alone (aka people can read you like a book even before you get a chance to let them 'get to know the real you'). I would have responded the same way back in the last two years of college. Now? "Yes, with myself. I was on the edge of my seat waiting for me to finish my story about how I got pulled over on the sidewalk by corrupt cops in Mexico." (yes this did happen to me, but that's another story). Humorous, confidence, out of the ordinary, adventurous. Four traits obtained just from this statement.

 

Like how you responded to "Do you swear a lot?" (I personally do myself and would answer the same way respond to a question "Do you care what others think of you?" the same way. Be happy with who you are, and if you aren't, focus on making yourself the person you want to be. If you constantly seek approval from others you not only turn off girls but guy friends as well.

 

I'm going to cut myself short here, but basically you are suffering from EXACTLY EVERY SINGLE negative thought and emotion I did over the last two years. Referring back to that one girl I happened to luck out with - it didn't work out because I had no clue how to deal with girls (I called her/IMed her almost any time she was online, which clearly got to her the message that I was needy and clingy), I was kiss-assy instead of a challenge, etc etc etc. Needless to say, this downed me a whole lot, which in turn affected my attitude for my next attempt with another girl, which also played out poorly and quickly, which in turn blah blah blah. I was thrown into a vicious cycle where if things didn't work out I got more and more down and self-loathing and deprecating. I stopped enjoying life, I sought escapes in video games, TV shows, movies, and by going home every weekend instead of staying at school and hanging out with people. It didn't help.

 

But here's what did help, and like I did you will probably reject it at first, but trust me on this - this will help a LOT. Get in touch with a psychiatrist and make weekly visits from now until a year from now at the very least.

 

At first I used to hide the fact that I had a psychiatrist - I was self-conscious and didn't want people knowing I had to be analyzed by a shrink. I didn't want people thinking I was some social reject that was a failure at life. Etc etc, etc.

 

Now, I tell anyone who I consider a friend or acquaintance. Why the change? I don't care what anyone thinks. Everyone suffers through some emotional trauma at times, some albeit more than others, and many people resort to psychiatrists for help. Why should I be ostracized for having to seek extra help in learning more about how society works, its affects on my mind and emotions, and how I can change myself to be happy without needing to rely on people to do so.

 

I'm not perfectly happy with my situation even after one year, but I am so happy that I, begrudgingly, accepted my father's PLEAS to consider psychiatry. It has changed my life in every single way possible and it has gotten me into one of the best situations with girls - literally every single girl in some of classes is attracted to me because I run these classes with my talkativeness and humor. Hell, even the professor(s) even yield(s) to me so I can make him/her(them) laugh. I still want more, but this is a much better position than I was in a year ago, where I had exactly the same problems and emotional stress as you did. I really suggest you consider this, but I will bet money that you will regret it if you do not.

 

I really suggest you get some sort of external professional help of some sort to help analyze your problems which, with time and patience, will go away JUST LIKE THAT. The only limiting factor is you. YOU, the most important person in the world. Do YOU want to change, or do YOU want to sit and mope around about the past? Do YOU want things to stay the same or do YOU want to get out of life what YOU have always wanted and DESERVED?

[babybo0]

i know i probably won't be any help too you ...but i seem to have the same problem at times...exept for that i think that i am very good looking and guyz always check me out...and always try to talk but...i tend to just ignore it all wrap myslef into some foil or something like i don't see and don't hear anything and then i round up having no guy...well not exactly your situation but i think the problem is that you are to concentrated on things like your looks and stuff ...why not go to the gym and just work out...you can meet people there and if you don't your body will look better....also go to a mall buy yourself some hot clothes even if you dont intend to wear it just buy something you really like and just wear it ...and try just going to a crowded place smilling and just try to feel good about yourself even if you don't just pretend...also why not just talk to random girls you know ...some might think you are a jerk but some one out there will think you are a nice person to talk to ...the thing is don't just sit there and think you are a looser ....life is not gona wait for you...so go ahead put the smile on and start your hunt for the gurls ...hoope that everything will turn out fine for you

[mjctraider]

This could be long so try not to beat me into a bloody pulp, I'd like to live long enough to find a girlfriend. I'd hate to show up at her door all bloody and bruised.

 

I do have to say that some of the answers to the questions I gave on my myspace page are from the guy in me trying to get out. These answers of course are the humorous ones. That guy does come out and I'd have to pat myself on the back a little bit, has been coming out more and more and the shy depressed guy is going into hiding. The problem is that shy depressed guy has a lot of power and is very strong. One little thing goes wrong and blam he's back and stronger than ever. That outgoing guy is weak, but seems to get stronger and stronger everyday, but he's got a long long way to go.

 

As far a seeing a shirk, I've done that and even took medication since I was diagnosed with an anixety disorder. Needless to say I've stopped seeing the shrink and no longer on medication. The medication didn't do much to help and I don't have health insurance so finding a shrink that will do it for free or very cheap and offer very very cheap medication is next to impossible. So maybe I can fix myself.

 

Here is the short version of why I am so messed up or at least why I feel messed up. And this is very short. I went to the same school for ten years, had all sorts of friends, was funny, somewhat outgoing, wasn't so self-cofident about my looks. Then my world got turned upside down, something that I thought would never happen.

 

We moved and moved to an area that whites were the minority and for some reason I have no idea why, I was targeted for ten months straight. It will always be the worst part of my life ever. I wanted to die and almost did, but that little voice in the back of my head said it would get better in a year and it did.

 

The problem was that I was behind the bottom of the pit. They picked me apart so much at that school that I basically became a mute. It took over five years just to get me to lift my head up and look straight when I walk. 13 years later I'm finally becoming the person that I once was before that terrible event took place in my life. The problem is that that event is still back there in my mind and that is why that shy depressed guy is so strong. I basically had no self-esteem or self-confidence. It was completely gone. My self confidence and self-esteem is much better than it was way back then.

 

It's funny that I can come home and look in the mirror and be like, "I'm that bad looking" or "I'm pretty good looking". Then I go out to a mall or somewhere else and see myself in a mirror and I'm like "Oh God I'm so unattractive". I know that there are different mirrors out there that will make you look diffferent, but in the back of my mind it doesn't know that.

But yet I have this one friend and she has to be one of the hottest chicks I have ever meet and I can go up to her and talk to her, flirt with her, tickle her, etc and have so much confidence and self-esteem that I'm not worried about my looks and yet I can't even go up to someone I don't know and say "Hi" Then again I did once ask out this girl that was a former model. So it's like, why can't that confident guy remain at the surface?

 

I mean I would love to go out to a crowded place and be all smiling and stuff, but I really haven't smiled in a public place in over 14 years. It's sad, but true. It's kind of like when your Mom told you not to make those strange faces or it will be permanent and you look silly, well not smiling for so many years makes it kind of hard to get myself to smile. I've tried and it only lasts a few mintues at most and then I'm back to the I'm a miserable f*** .

It sometimes annoys me when people are like, "You should smile more" or "Why aren't you smiling", or "why are you in a bad mood." And it's like I'm not in a bad mood really I just don't smile.

 

Even if I could get a smile I don't think a crowded place would be the best really, I've already had one panic attack and don't feel like having them anymore besides I'm more of a hang out with a few friends kind of person. And the gym is out, if only I didn't have that hernia. Besides that a lot of girls don't seem to care about the muscles and I've tried before in the past before I had the hernia and could only tone what little muscle mass I had.

 

I know you are probably like, "He's just making excuse after excuse." Maybe it is true. I have made great strides over the last few years and I am getting out of the house more and more and hanging out with friends, but I still have that urge to just stay home and be in my comfort zone. And I know that if I do this I'll never meet anyone, but like I said that shy depressed guy has a lot of power over me and it's not like I can topple him overnight, it's gonna take a long long time.

 

And as much as I lift myself out of that hole and feel good about myself, something bad happens and I slip and fall back into the hole. I wanna be able to figure out why I can be so outgoing and confident one day and the next day I'm depressed and quiet as (well you know). I really apprecaite people's advice here. Well I think I rambled on enough here.

[simba9003]

You can come to the realization that happiness is not dependent on romantic love (which I think is perfectly healthy and something you ought to do regardless)

 

I've heard a few people say this and I 100% disagree.

[Blue Dreamer]

One extremely unsimple sentence my friend. self happiness (aka self respect which stems from self acceptance) should serve as your ticket to find another to bond with. Even without another by your side, with that ticket, you'll find hapiness no matter what curvy path life directs you down. Single or coupled, does not matter. Only you can define the minimum requirements for you to have self respect and heartedly accept who you are. Do you know what they are? Mine are much higher than the majority. Am workin on that.

 

Side Note: if you think youre not good lookin, you are incorrect. Many women love dueds with no hair. Always consider the masses, not the few. You'll be fine.

[simba9003]

One extremely unsimple sentence my friend. self happiness (aka self respect which stems from self acceptance) should serve as your ticket to find another to bond with. Even without another by your side, with that ticket, you'll find hapiness no matter what curvy path life directs you down. Single or coupled, does not matter. Only you can define the minimum requirements for you to have self respect and heartedly accept who you are. Do you know what they are? Mine are much higher than the majority. Am workin on that.

 

Side Note: if you think youre not good lookin, you are incorrect. Many women love dueds with no hair. Always consider the masses, not the few. You'll be fine.

 

It's totally natural for someone to feel unhappy in life if they've had to spend the whole of it without ever having sucsess with the opposite sex, and knowing this is probably how you'll be living the rest of your life. I mean, it's an unatural way to live, it makes sense for nature to make you feel unhappy under these circumstances so you're more likely to try and do something about it and end up getting someone.

 

Don't you think the world would be pretty underpopulated if humans could be content without ever having sucsess? I mean, think about how many people who wouldn't bother with the opposite sex period because of the hurt and hassle that can come along with it.