Working through Relationship Anxiety - Stories and Advice

[Batya33]

It might be that you liked those things when he wasn't quite yours and now that the chase/challenge is over you're looking more closely at his personality traits/quirks because you're no longer insecure about whether he's yours. Do you think he does all the things he does for you from a position of confidence or from being a people-pleaser/perhaps even a doormat type?

[IanKoosman]

Hi my names Ian I suffer from really bad relationship anxiety and right now theres this girl in my life laura. Well i guess i can start here she is great and we are exactly the same except when we are apart it feels like she doesnt like me. At times it feels like she is ignoring the fact i care. I just need help because i love her and when we are together we are both so happy she makes me myself and she says she is happy too i just dont know what to do help !

[tegoz_marianos]

This could be my actual life -_-

[Celadon]

Sigh. Big anxiety attack last night. Fortunately, knowing the symptoms of an anxiety attack help me to realize that I can get over them and move on.

[Fudgie]

Celadon,

 

I read your post in here and you actually sound a lot like my boyfriend. I don't get a whole lot of relationship anxiety (except for the child issue, it freaks me out) but my boyfriend does that a lot. He doesn't seem to worry about me cheating or anything, but when he's having a bad day/week, and I may be busier than normal, he worries that I'm becoming less attracted to him, unhappy with him, distant from him, etc. He is definitely NOT clingy but if I do not get back to him when I said that I would, or I am feeling down, or I fall asleep and don't talk to him, or I go out a lot and don't see him/talk to him for a couple days, he really, really, really gets anxious.

 

(TMI here) but recently, he almost got that anxiety again when he found out that I have been orgasming better lately via oral rather than vaginal sex. I am bisexual and have had past experience with girls, so he gets to worrying that maybe my preferences are swinging more towards girls and that I'm not liking penetration as much.

 

He used to be worse but is getting continously better. I think it's a lot easier to deal with because he's not clingy and won't call me up a billion times, he'll just worry the whole time and mention it later but inside he's freaking out. If he were clingy, I honestly don't know how things would work out. I think the key is just to resist the urge to cling, try to keep calm, and explain your worries to your partner so they can reassure and you can feel better. I say all of a couple sentences to my boyfriend and BOOM, it's a non-issue and he feels better. I think it's important to get these issues out in the open instead of keeping them inside and then EXPLODING later.

[mg777]

I have been having incredible moments of self discovery in life recently. I quit my job, started a business, started working on a wonderful high profile project, and met a man who is super hot, brilliant, and a visionary. He's moving quite fast, and I believe I may have found somone who suffers from the same abandonment/engulfment issues I have, although we have not discussed it. Come to think of it, most of my relationships have been with this type of person. Very interesting, and I feel positive and up to the challenge.

 

I found this forum trying to get relief from my anxiety, and I'm really greatful and want to share my discovery. You all helped me, maybe I can offer something that helps others.

 

I fully figured out, or remembered why it was that I have been stressing out when I like someone.

 

It's nothing new, but I haven't liked someone in a while, so I forgot!

 

 

I DO NOT want to repeat the crap I saw my mom doing. Being with some douche bag that she bent over backwards for, thinking he was protecting her, all the time he's trying to F* her kid (sorry, I know it's blunt), totally taking her for granted, and treating her like crap. Add in the family junk of abuse + abandonment, or being engulfed by overly mushy mother behaviour (so much it feels disingenuous.. i still cant stand to hear my mother say her "I love you" because it's sticky sweet and frankly, bull****), and it can make it pretty stressful to like someone. It's the brain making stuff up as a defense mechanism. it over thinks, analyzes, worries, worries, worries, asks a million "what if's", makes you question your self worth, makes up scenarios and eventually makes you flee or causes you to push the other person away just to get rid of the anxiety. it's awful. This can also make you attracted to people with whom nothing will ever really work out - keeping it "safe" while putting you through some emotional hell you ultimately end up putting on yourself. Automatic win for the brain!

 

Thanks, parents!

 

So I decided when I get stressed out to remember why I feel that way, and remember what I saw my mom doing, and do what she could not. Actively work to change that ****e.

[ed02128]

I feel the same exact way. Except I'm a guy.

 

My story is kind of unique, yet frightening similar. But first, let me describe myself.

 

I am a handsome young man (23 years old). I am not conceited, just confident. I know I'm a great person and have a lot to offer.

 

I was in relationship with this girl named Lina for almost 3 years. I broke it off. No real reason, except that I didn't love her, and felt like I was wasting both of our times. I made the mistake of instantly jumping into another relationship with Nancy within days. I didn't take time for myself or to experience the single life. Long-story short, Nancy was the definition of a ****, everyone (including myself) knew it. I was convinced that I could change someone. After a lot of pain and suffering (and anxiety), I learned that it was not possible to change a person. I feel like the relationship with Nancy scarred me. My anxiety started with Nancy. It was really bad. I had a good reason to feel that way. I didn't trust her. My body (and mind) were giving me warning signals, naturally. I eventually broke free from Nancy, and it was the greatest feeling ever.

 

I have the luxury of inexpensive air travel. I took a trip down to Miami, where my father lives, less than a month after breaking it off with Nancy. My current girlfriend (Sonia), who was just a friend at the time, had moved out there for school. We had a great friendship. I would talk to her for hours, almost like how best friends would. We made plans to hang out and have a few drinks, and that's when it happened. I kissed her, and she kissed me back. It felt as if there were fireworks going off behind us. We were both in bliss the rest of the night. After a few more visits to Miami, my priority wasn't to relax, but to spend time with Sonia. I met some of her family, she met my parents. This all happened in a 2-month period. You may say we moved to fast, but it felt right at the time. We mutually agreed that we liked each other. Sonia had decided to come back to New England, to spend her Summer. We had agreed that we'd see how the summer went and decide whether we'd want to pursue a long-distance relationship once she went back to school in Miami. May came around, it was great. I met the rest of the family, her girlfriends. I discovered who her ex boyfriends were, which at first I was very comfortable with.

 

But then, after all the blissful feelings dissipated, I started to feel this uncontrollable nervousness. Always worrying what she was doing. Always wondering where she was. She had never given me a reason to distrust her. She was always brutally honest, whether I like the answer or not, if it was the truth, she'd tell me. She was a complete 180 from Nancy, but I still felt like I did with Nancy, with Sonia. Why? My fear of everything and anything created scenarios in my head of horrible things that I'd let myself believe she was doing. Why? She wasn't this type of person my mind was making her out to be. I started getting angry, demanding, etc. I like Sonia so much. I don't want to lose her. She is such a beautiful person. But I need to stop letting this anxiety control me. When I'm with her I'm fine. I am now currently seeing a therapist. I went to one session, and felt a little better. I'm going to keep going. Are there any tips you guys can give me to deal with this?

 

Key points:

 

She's closed-up (rarely open up about her emotions)

She appears to be indifferent about things (very seldom gets jealous)

She wasn't affectionate in the beginning, but she is much more now

She's moving back to school in 2 days

Her father past over 5 years ago

She has a temper, doesn't mean any harm, but doesn't want to change (claims that I knew how she was, and that I need to accept her as she is)

When her temper flares up, it hurts sometimes, other times I just brush it off (I asked last night if I should ignore those, and she said yes)

I feel like I'm losing her forever (figment of my imagination)

 

SOMEONE HELP!!!

[unhappy2000]

My ex broke up with me about three and half months ago after we were together two and a half years. He is younger than me but was so in love and couldn't wait to marry me etc the whole nine yards. I was worried like normal about the normal issues was he ready to have kids in the coming years we talked it all out and yes he was etc. So I finally agree, we set a date and he wakes up and says I can't do this I'm just not ready. We go to our couples therapist (he was diagnosed with high anxiety, but never sought treatment) he said maybe he's just nervous and needs to hear his fears are normal. He was like a madman in there freaking out about everything. He was in with her private first then with both of us, she said she never saw him like that he didn't know who he was or where he was going...he practically didn't know which was was up!

 

I of course am very confused we took a little space (two weeks) for him to think and get some time but he still couldn't clear his mind enough he said he wanted to be with me so bad and is so in love with me but just doesn't think he's ready because he has this future stuff stuck in his head and can't get it out. Like it appeared out of no where and he can't shake these fears that in like 5 years (I do have a biological clock!) he won't be ready for kids, even though when before when he was calm and rational he was fine and it was all discussed etc.

 

Our therapist said he either had repressed his feelings because he wanted to be with me so bad and just didn't know how to be the mature person required for it or his anxiety just boiled up and he ran. I don't know what to think because it's now been 15 weeks and not a word from him, well except for him sending word to my work friends to remind them of my birthday last month but no direct contact. He said even the same day we broke up that he knew we would make it through this and all that. Then a week after I contacted him and he said he would need a few months to get his head on straight and who knew where we would be then so he didn't want to give me false hopes because he didn't see us ever back together, although he loves me so much and misses me a ton.

 

Does that sound like anxiety or just not ready for a commitment? It hit me so out of the blue with no red flags he was so into marriage I am just in shock.

[AndreDuvoie]

I feel sick and anxious when I'm with my gf (we just started dating) because I my mind just keeps running in fear that she's going to leave. I fall really quickly but it's everlasting which doesn't help either. I've tried to occupy my mind with my hobbies, seeing friends, going out.. you name it.. yet there is always an undertone feeling of "is she with someone else right now?".. "I hope I'm not getting on her nerves" etc.. assumptions really can mess things up. Trying to do my best in trusting her because I truly want it to work between us.

[hisgirl82812]

Hi im 20 years old and i have a huge anxiety problem. The reason im writing this is because for the past 2 weeks I've been suffering with alot of anxiety about my boyfriend and my relationship (yesterday was our 5 months) . For some reason out of the blue i started questioning if he still loves me. If were gonna last. Am i pushing him away. Is he still happy with me. Does he wanna find someone better. I've talked to him about it several times and he tells me over and over again that he does love me and he does want this to last. But for some reason i still don't believe him. I feel like he's distancing himself from me because he doesnt get back to me right away. He's always busy. Act. I need help im a mess...

[1Pixie1]

I have googled this because of my issues. You may also find it insightful.to google "abandonment syndrome" and "abandonmemt issues'. That helped me understand as is this thread

[The Raviator]

Good Lord, I'm just like you guys and gals and its interesting that I came accross this thread today.

 

BTW: I am the type that is worried my SO is going to leave me. And, I am TOTALLY confident in all other areas of life.

 

Why is today interesting and why is my anxiety showing its ugly little head.

 

Long story short...

 

My Ex, whom I have had two relationships with over the last 20 years. The first being 1-2 years, the next being 6-7 years and ended 10 years ago has been coming back into my life. I have kept her at arms length for a few months because she lied, cheated and left me.

 

We finally got into some real communication about 4 days ago. We exchanged around 200 texts in about 3 hours and it was such a relief after so long to finally start tearing the wall down.

 

I have had a good bit of anxiety during this whole process but I have been working hard to understand it for what it is and keep it in check.

 

This thing about response times to texts and emails seems huge. The other evening I sent her a text with a question about our past... "Hey, do you remember when you and the dogs did so and so", several hours go by and I am laying in the bed writing a letter to her in my head about how crazy I must have been to allow her into my world and so forth. I was just feeling insane. So, I get up around 3am thinking I am going to write that letter and lo and behold there is the most thoughtful response waiting in my email from her.

 

What I have been trying to do is ask myself... "Would you have this reaction if you emailed one of your friends and they took a while getting back to you? Hell NO! It wouldn't even occur to me to get mad."

 

When I do send a message I ask myself before doing so... "Am I doing this to try and get a specific response or am I doing what is rite for me?" If I think I am trying to get a specific response (i.e. reorganizing the world around me to get what I want) I don't send the message.

 

Whats interesting and challenging is when the message is a specific question that begs a response. How do you ask someone a question without expecting a response? YOU CANT! But, you can ask without expecting a SPECIFIC response.

 

Here's what I mean... I am a very confident guy until it comes to asking a woman that I like out. I want a specific response and I am deathly afraid that I will get rejected. So, if she says YES, I'm Happy(for a minute) and if she says NO, I am unhappy.

 

Well, I am a faithful and prayerful person and I see this way of thinking as contrary to the idea that everything happens for a reason so I have just been telling myself that if she says YES, that's good because it was meant to be and if she says NO, that's also good because it wasn't meant to be. I met an awesome girl last week that I would love to date. We went out, stayed in touch for a few days and I asked her out and she turned me down(at least for now I was actually able to look at it for what it was, not a rejection, just life.

 

So, I decided this morning to offer up something that I think my Ex and I are both nervous and anxious about. I sent this text...

 

"Good morning, would you like to make plans to see each other on Sunday afternoon" - remember, we havnt seen each other in 10 years after a very tumultuous relationship.

 

The second I sent this message I started feeling anxious! What will she think? will she say NO? If she doesnt respond in a certain amount of time I will send another message that says blah, blah, blah.

 

All day I have been telling myself to just stop it. No matter what happens everything is fine and nothing is any different than it was yesterday, last week, last month or last year.

 

Well, the funny part(at least I am trying to look at it that way) is that I sent the message a little over 6 hours ago and I have had NO response. And that is longer her normal response time up until now. My reasonable side says "this is a very important question that I have asked and if she needs time with it, let her have it" Also, I dont know what her schedule is or what she does during the day.

 

My anxious side says "What is she doing?" "I guess she just found someone else to talk to" "She has just lost interest all of sudden for some reason" "Why would she want to see me?" etc..

 

So, tonight, if I don't hear from her, I am going to be having all of these crazy, anxious thoughts and I am going to want to do something to change things so I can get what I want. And, I am going to have to continue to force myself to do NOTHING.

 

So, part of a solution to this is knowing that its going to happen and knowing how its going to happen and knowing that your instincts while its happening are almost totally backwards.

 

Its damn crazy, and it makes me crazy and it makes us all crazy and unfortunately, like someone posted earlier, I don't think you can get rid of it. You just have to manage it.

 

WE ARE ALL GOING TO BE FINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[The Raviator]

Update to the above post...

 

I just thought I would let everyone know that MY COMMON SENSE side was correct as usual.

 

I received an extremely well thought out response to my Text at around 5pm yesterday. And, she began the message by saying that she was sorry for taking so long but my message has taken her a-back and she needed time to process it.

 

My point is... However we have to do it, we have to quit feeding this crazy anxious monster... ITS LYING TO US!

[Celadon]

Raviator, so the answer was that she didn't want to get together?

 

I tie my anxiety directly to a lack of confidence that i am complete by myself. It's not a matter of independence or separateness. I've lived onmy own for years. It's that i give power to someone else because i want them to tell me i am okay. I don't understand it but there it is.

 

So i have been thinking about how i can separate my physical anxiety symptoms from what i think/feel? Because that's what really snowballs ... the physical leads me to believe that something is wrong, very wrong. Know what I mean?

[The Raviator]

Raviator, so the answer was that she didn't want to get together?

 

I tie my anxiety directly to a lack of confidence that i am complete by myself. It's not a matter of independence or separateness. I've lived on my own for years. It's that i give power to someone else because i want them to tell me i am okay. I don't understand it but there it is.

 

So i have been thinking about how i can separate my physical anxiety symptoms from what i think/feel? Because that's what really snowballs ... the physical leads me to believe that something is wrong, very wrong. Know what I mean?

 

Celedon,

 

No! The answer wasn't that she didn't want to meet it was that she isnt ready at this time. I actually did something that certainly wouldn't be prescribed for many of your situations but I actually wrote her a long letter after posting here on Friday describing how I have actually felt during this process. I described my fear and anxiety surrounding our past and our current situation and how I had felt paralyzed at times in the past when thinking about everything. About how the response time with texting and email caused some anxiety etc...

 

I did this with the belief that communicating with her about it and getting on the same page could alleviate some of the anxiety.

 

She sent me an equally long response basically saying that she was experiencing things in an almost identical way and that we could in fact talk about it instead of just wondering what is going on in the others head.

 

I consider myself very lucky here because I am actually getting some of what I want from the universe and for the last week or so, especially after exchanging those letters, my anxiety level has started to subside. I do tell myself daily that if, for some reason, things dont continue going so well that just having the healing communication means that my life is better than before no matter what.

 

GOOD LUCK!

[Darias06]

I just found this forum and was hoping to receive some advice.

 

I have been with my boyfriend for 9 months and is my first boyfriend since I was 18. I am currently 24. I've casually dated other guys but it's never been serious. The relationship for the most part has been great. He treats me wonderfully most of the time, but we do get into some little fights here and then. The problem is, I am terribly insecure and anxious about our relationship no matter how much he reassures me.

 

He dated his ex-girlfriend for 4 years and they were friends before that. He ended things with her almost a year before we started dating, but they still communicate. She is very much still all about him and would get back together with him right away, but he doesn't cut off contact, even though he told me he did. We almost broke up once over it, when I realized he was talking to her. He reassured me he didn't have feelings for her but that they've been friends for years and years and have all the same mututal friends. In any case, he said they weren't going to speak anymore and everything went back to normal.

 

Because I am so insecure and anxious I've started snooping. I snooped through his phone and found that she was texting him about their previous relationship, about how much she missed him. He was nice to her, not encouraging necessarily but nice enough that she kept doing it through this text conversation. I obviously can't bring it up because he would have every right to get mad at me about it. However, I'm starting to let my insecurities get to me and I'm driving myself crazy thinking he is going to end things. I trust he won't cheat on me, but sometimes I feel very disconnected from him and start self-sabotaging (i.e. not talking to him when I'm upset, being nitpicky and sarcastic toward him and he doesn't understand). To explain my bad mood after I snooped, I said I hadn't slept well because of a bad dream. He told me whatever it was, it's not true and reassured me some more.

 

Even though I trust him not to be unfaithful and love him, I still can't get stop thinking something bad might happen. It's like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. I don't know what to do to just let things go and go back to normal!

[felicitousMe]

Hi Imthatgirl, I don'tusually write on a forum but after reading through what's going on with you and realized that's exactly the same thing happen with me and my ex. We just broke up recently. He probably couldn't tolerate me any longer thinking about negative things that will happen. He is a very nice guy and treated me so well but I screwed up big time because I couldn't handle myself really. I have stress with family and financial and I felt like everyone is pulling me in all direction and being with him is the only thing that is going on great but the thing is I didn't know until it was over.

 

Anyhow, I' m trying to figure out myself too and making things better for me so when a new person comes along I hopefully how to go about it.

 

Have you tried meditation? There's a lot of guided meditation on youtube. I've also recently join some group that do it and I find really relaxing. I' m still a work in progress and learning things.....Hope all things work out for you.

 

 

Solutions.... What has worked for everyone?

 

Couple things...

 

The guy I wrote this thread about.... we've spent a little time together off and on since our split January 08. I have determined that no matter what, if around him, I will be anxious.

 

I still have the other anxiety with dating in general. So I kinda just don't date too much. I am contemplating dating someone now though so we'll see how the anxiety goes.

[Celadon]

no advice here, only an observation. Sometimes being anxious in a relationship, I tend to evaluate the whole relationship based on the very last action or interaction we have. Its not logical, and I don't know why I do it. But if I haven't heard from him lately, it's as though I forget all the good times we've had and how faithful he's been. I suddenly freak out I feel like we don't have a connection. Anyone else feel this way?

[SearchingSoul]

Hi Am new to this site having found it by chance whilst browsing the internet for relationship anxiety. I am a 47 year old professional woman with a good brain in my head who has JUST realized that i suffer with relationship anxiety. I was married for 15 years from the age of 20. Since then i have met some wonderful guys but looking back i always end up in the same scenario ... It all goes swimmingly for the first three or four months, then they do something (or i find something!) that i have reason to mistrust them. I then get dreadful 'bubbling' anxiety and suspicion which then causes me to push them away. This i now realize is to rid myself of the anxiety. Initially i feel good and tell myself it was the right thing to do as they are clearly not to be trusted etc etc. THEN i slowly develop anxiety again as i am not sure if i have done the right thing and conclude that i had overreacted. This scenario has happened so many times yet until now i have not realized just what i am doing. I wish i knew why? My childhood was not good. Badly bullied on a protracted basis by older jealous sibling and (unhappily married) parents who thought we should be seen and not heard (literally) The last relationship i had was probably the happiest i have ever experienced. We were only together for a few months (yet things were genuinely great) I discovered that from the day we met, and nearly every day throughout our relationship he had been contacting his (apparently abusive) wife whom he has been separated from for 3.5 years. They are not divorced yet. He showed me the messages (epics!)that they had been sending and stated it had been going on almost the whole time since they had separated. Most of it was abusive,arguing and accusatory on her part, his was constantly defending himself. ALL were sent behind my back and i had no knowledge until recently. He clearly stated that he wanted the texting to stop but appeared to make no effort to do so until i found out. They have four children so i of course accepted that they needed to be in contact for the childrens welfare. Well, from then on i have made a great job of sabotaging our relationship with my usual (unpleasant) feelings of anxiety. I felt i could not trust him and wondered if maybe he was not over his wife? She has such a hold over him still. He gets really anxious if she is angry with him over the most ridiculous things. (Often finance related) His estranged wife has been with her partner for 14 months and are cohabiting. Anxiety sadly got the better of me and i ended the relationship as i felt i could not trust him. My partner would dearly love our relationship to continue.This is simply a variation of what has happened in the last three relationships that i have had. I really want to rid myself of this dreadful pattern of feeling. Its like the chicken and the egg ... am i lacking in confidence or does the relationship deplete it?? I am a strong minded confident person in all other areas of my life. Does this sound familiar to anyone else out there? How can we rid ourselves of this relationship anxiety?? Any replies would be welcome!!"

[metrogirl]

^^ I think you will get more answers if you post your thread in one of the relationship forums. Not everyone reads the journals here.

[faerietale]

THANK YOU SO MUCH for all the contributors to this thread. I've suffered from relationship anxiety all these years and never even thought about it until I read some of your stories on here.

 

I can agree so much with some of the points that people have made:

 

- Always expecting the worse

- Fixated on the negatives

- Constantly worried about the future

- The need to be in control

- The need for things to be guaranteed

- The feelings of nervousness, paranoia, obsessive, depression, etc

- Fear of abandonment, attachment issues, clinginess, neediness

 

I also agree with CELADON on being fixated on the last action/interaction instead of looking at the entire relationship. I tend to do this whenever my bf and I have an argument and it would drive me insane the amount of anxiety that it puts me through. When I'm with my friends, I cannot have a good time and enjoy myself unless I know that when I left my boyfriend, there was nothing about our relationship that was bothering me. Therefore, if my boyfriend did something that day that bothered me, it ruins my entire day unless we resolve it, and even when I'm with friends and family, I get anxious since I am not with him to resolve it.

 

I've talked to my boyfriend about this and he's understanding of it, but he did say that I have to work on it because it is going to ruin our relationship if I can't control it. Therefore, I'm doing A LOT better than before, although, there are times when I do have a break down. Lately, I've just kept my mind occupied on other things, when I do find myself thinking about a problem we had, I would try my best to remind myself that it was just a conflict and that it doesn't mean our relationship is ruined. I talk to my friends a lot to alleviate some of my anxiety since they always tell me to just calm down. My boyfriend also told me that some times, when I get anxious, in order to alleviate my anxiety, I expect and demand certain things to happen right away and when they don't happen right away, it increases my vulnerability and makes my anxiety worse. I then question everything and act as if the world is going to end. He reminded me that the world doesn't work that way and that I need to be patient and be less controlling of the issues around me because I can't find the solution to everything and I can't solve everything whenever I feel that I need to solve it.

[Celadon]

^ Another observation: I think that, for me, the habit of basing how I feel about the relationship on my very last interaction goes beyond relationships. I can do that in other areas of my life. It's a vicious circle. I feel anxious because of what happened recently but instead of remembering good things that happened in the past, which would reassure me, I focus only on the worries I have in the present moment.

 

I just caught myself doing that. I was feeling like "no one ever helps me" because I needed help immediately and didn't receive any. But of course, I forgot to remember about all the other times people have helped me. Like I said, bad habit.

[rnunez91]

Hello everyone, im glad i found this thread... I see im not alone in this. Ive always been bi polar but never thought anything about it.. anyways Im 22 now and have never been in a relationship. ive always been the type of guy to never settle down and just have fun. Ive been with my current and only gf for 9 months now and she is honestly the most amazing girl ive ever met. for 9 months ive been trying to find something wrong with her, trying to find if shes cheating, if shes lying.. and NOT ONCE have i found dirt on her. its like i try and find something wrong because i dont feel like she can be the perfect but in reality she is. I dont feel like someone can possibly love me the way i do.. This girl is truly my world. She changed my entire life and i changed mine for her, i give her everything. We talk about getting married, out future apt, our future kids, our future activities like on sundays will be laundry day and grocery shopping. She mentions how she cant wait until the day i propose.. She reassures me she loves me all the time. The only problem is i WANT TO trust her. The only problem is my anxiety is not letting me and its ruining our relationship since she doesnt understand that i dont question her all the time by choice. the first step is admitting u need help and im at that stage. i OVER ANALYZE EVERYTHINGGGGGG from the way she answers a text message to what shes wearing on a specific day to why did she wakeup so late on this day. its beyond pathetic but what can i do. Im trying my best to change im proactive searching for therapist in my area in ny. Im trying my best and i tell her that i hope she understands me. she tells me and reassures me that she will NEVER leave me unless i cheat, that nothing will ever break us, that im perfect, the most unique man shes ever met, that the way i love her and the things i do for her are so genuine and effortless.

 

Monday the weirdest thing happened. I call her on my 10 min break at work and yet we havent spoken ALL day she decides to tell me "Ill call u right back babe have to call the bank." mind u.. she was in school on a 5 hour break. why couldnt she just wait 10 more mins? i questioned and quiestioned her and every answer she gave me sounded even more stupid than the one before. I told her when she gets to my house she better show me a call log showing she was on the phone with the bank. instead she said enough is enough that i still dont trust her it isnt right. she deleted everything on her phone to teach me a lesson i need change. How could she do that 2 me? it made things 10x worse.. ill never know the answer now to as if she was on the phone or not and its killing me more than ever.

 

Why cant i just trust her? i know she wouldnt cheat on me. this is killing me.. This is my first week at my new job and i cant focus on anything