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me and my ex had a talk last night, and she's been insistent on us being friends, that she loves me but not in that way, and that she needs to think about herself from now on, now that she has found a life (with MY EX FRIENDS and WITH OUR MUTUAL FRIENDS, i dont hangout with them anymore coz of that and they're all guys) and that she might want to see other men.


why am i so insistent on wanting to be with her?


is there a way for us to ever get back together, should i approach it as "as friends first?"

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you are not accepting of reality, that your ex is your ex. Actually, that is a bad description of it, you do not possess her in any way. she has moved on.


You should do likewise.


Nobody likes to be dumped, but you have been.


Shake it off and move on.


You attempting to hang onto the shreds of what she might toss your way will be perceived as weak and unattractive to her.


Better is to avoid contact with her and date some other women.

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you are not accepting of reality, that your ex is your ex. Actually, that is a bad description of it, you do not possess her in any way. she has moved on.


Bogs, hon...I gotta agree here. It does seem you are refusing to accept the reality of your situation. What is holding you back from doing so? Do you feel you won't ever have someone love you again? Do you feel that your self-worth is entirely dependent on being loved by your ex?


I'm here to tell you neither is the case. You are a good guy, you just need to accept that most of the time, our first loves don't pan out. I don't know why this is, but it's true. In this case, your ex moved on first, and it's devastating for you, but you are only prolonging the pain by doggedly clinging to her. And no, it's not perceived as noble and grand by your ex, but...brace yourself: very probably, she is starting to view you as weak, clingy, and dependent.




If you were my kid, I'd shake some sense into you at this point.


Seriously...it's time to let go and move on. This is done. It's over. Your ex is only still talking to you out of an exasperated sense of pity and obligation. If you have any respect for the love you two once had, you won't continue to behave in a way that makes her feel this way about you.


Let go, sweetie. It's time to face the pain that this is over and deal with it. You can do it. And you've got the support here to do it.


Now, how about it?

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Man, talk about mulitple posting about the same gad dang topic.


Yeah, I guess I'm looking here for answers I may never find, but I'm sure you have been giving me the right ones, Specially you Scout. I'm in huge denial over my loss.


We had a talk last night and a lot of the things that stem from her decision was all based on her lack of faith in my faithfulness towards her. She never saw the goodness I did, becuase of her anger towards me that she held on for so long. She even mentioned that she printed out a lot of the letters that I've written (not to her but to other peole) to remind her of that. She never let that go, and in turn grew to her decrease in love and callousness towards me.


she cares about me, no doubt, but not in the way that she did before. I havent talked to her all day and I think this is the first day of NC, but I'm about to break down and call, to say a quick hello. for what? I dont know. just to surpress things and make everything all right... and become friends, I guess.


if we never knew each other like complete strangers, and she grew to care about me, and that she lost it. could that care ever be regained?


I'm also upset since she's become real close to this other guy, who she hangs out with now. No they're not dating, but the mere fact that he's closer to her now than what she has been to me for a while hurts.


No, I don't think I have a problem getting some dates, I've gotten my fair share of phone numbers, but I still long for the familiarity that I had with her and the drive to make a better future with her. Every little thing reminds me of her, and sadly, she doesnt have the same feelings as I do about it anymore. I see a redhead? dammit. I see some chick with light skin? yes. I see a TV show she likes? I see everylittle thing and it reminds me of her and how things can be, if only she believed in me.


I know I'm not appreciated anymore. My prescence is not wanted, but I feel if we become friends, she'll open more. I know that, since we tried being friends and she opened a lot more of herself to me than she has in a while. and then I messed it up by being pushy. I couldnt help it. not right now, maybe not ever.


i will go for now. I am physically tired from thinking about this. I will continue with my rant a little later.


thank you again.




I guess another part of it, is that I know if she only knew who I really was, as far as my faith and commitment to her, then maybe she would see things differently.


But you're right, i do not want to appear clingy and dependent on her. But sadly, that's how I've become. I've become dependent on her happiness and I've sadly based her as being the "one". That I'm not strong and I'm needy. Its so hard to focus on everything else that is important to me right now as well...


how would one get back his cajones?? and i really want to let her see the change in me... how would i do that with NC?

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