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On line Dating after a LTR break up


bighair
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Hi Friends:

 

I would love to get your input on something. I was in an LTR for nearly 7 years. I met my ex thru work. We broke up a few months ago and I am ready to meet people, and move forward. So, I've been doing the whole on line dating thing for nearly 3 months.

 

I did post recently about being strung along by a guy who could never schedule a date in a timely fashion and then cancelled 2 dates. What I'm grappling with is dating again, on line no less, after being with someone for sooo long. It's very weird.

 

I don't know what chemistry means. I was instantly attracted to my ex when we met at work. I definitely remember that click, the attraction, the fireworks, my heart skipping a beat...It was awesome.

 

I just haven't felt that way again with some of these dates. I felt a connection a month or so ago w. a guy I went out with. We hit it off, had a good time and he never called again. I then went out w. 2 other guys and with the first guy, I didn't feel that "animal attraction" but he asked me out again, and I guess I'll go because he is extremely smart and just a good guy. The 2nd guy I found very handsome, personable, and again, I'd like to see him again but I just have not had that "click" that we are so fond of describing. I also went out w. a guy who couldn't keep his hands off me. I didn't understand that at all because, again, I felt no click and really believed he didn't feel attracted to me.

 

I wonder if my radar is off. I wonder if I am truly ready to date. I feel lonely without the companionship of a partner. I'd like to hear from those people who ended something long term who are back in the playground. Can you all relate to these feelings?

 

What is this chemistry? Does it take a couple of dates? My parents marriage was arranged by their parents and they have been married for nearly 40 years. Or, is this just on line dating I am reacting to?

 

Your thoughts are appreciated.

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I found myself in the same position recently. I left my husband almost a year ago and started dating a few months later. (I figured he started dating long before I did so what was I waiting for?) I did the online thing and met quiet a few strange guys. It wasn't until I met my now bf (on match) that sparks flew. Maybe it was a matter of timing or maybe it was fate, but we hit it off the minute we met in person. (The emails were fun too!)

 

It is really hard to get back into the dating scene when you've been outof it for so long (8 years for me). But it really can be fun. It's all about "sampling the menu". I didn't date a lot before gettinginto this new relationship, but I did go on dates with many different types of guys. Guys who weren't "my type". It gave me:

A. the self confidence to get out there again

B. a better idea of what I was NOT looking for

C. a good time and things to laugh about with my girlfriends!

 

Don't feel bad about not "clicking". think of each date as a building block to the relationship you will eventually find.

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thanks for your post librarychick. yeah...it could be that i just haven't met that person yet. but, i have to say that i'm getting better at dating the more i do it. and, i have had some funny stories to share with friends. i'll using match too, and i don't think it's all that bad...we'll see how it goes. thanks again.

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Hey bighair,

 

I wonder if my radar is off. I wonder if I am truly ready to date. I feel lonely without the companionship of a partner. I'd like to hear from those people who ended something long term who are back in the playground. Can you all relate to these feelings?

 

If you are questioning whether you are ready to date,

 

You most likely aren't,

 

Right after my ex and I broke up,

 

I hopped back into the dating scene,

 

Soon to realize I really needed a break,

 

So I took one and really appreciated the time alone.

 

What is this chemistry? Does it take a couple of dates?

I think you are just not ready yet,

 

Take some time to get to know you,

 

And begin to date when you are ready to give out of abundance,

 

Not that you need companionship.

 

Or, is this just on line dating I am reacting to?

Online dating may be a tough place to start at after a break-up,

 

Let your heart heal first.

 

Hugs,

 

Rose

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Hey Everyone,

 

I have a different perspective on the "being ready to date" .... I think its ok to go out and casually date- ya know....go out to dinner.... maybe a moving... an innocent kiss good night...i think thats a healthy way to get back into the swing of things.

 

I know after my break up ..i put an ad on match and i went into it with the intention that i would just date...and thats what i did....- i actually had a lot of fun! i loved meeting new people, discovering what i liked and didn't like about them...which helped me become more aware of what "I" wanted...i stopped feeling lonely...it took my mind off of my ex ...but i still had my time to sort our my feelings.

 

I would say that its ok to date now..but keep it casual and not look for anything long term.

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Yes, I agree with Healing. I am very interested in meeting people, going out and just feeling good. So, I think dating for dating's sake is just fine for me at this point. I know that I am a long way from another LTR, marriage, but I know I am ready to be social.....Thanks for your responses.

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hi life:

 

i just don't get it either! we had a great date. we had chemistry, good conversation, lots in common...we both grew up in same place and relocated to the city where we live now. i met him a few days prior to the grand opening of his new business.

 

but, there was a clue. he's divorced and he said that his ex became frustrated w him because of his long work hour when he opened his first business (rather prominent food franchise)..it took up all his time, they had their first child, and he was no longer attentive to her.

 

he also mentioned that he signed up for match a few months ago, and then deactivated because he realized he wasn't ready to date after his rather arduous divorce.

 

after our date, i saw that his profile was hidden. i wonder if he became overwhelmed with work (workaholic) and realized he couldn't handle dating.

 

but, you know sometimes there are no clues. i think the truth is people change their minds sometimes about their dates. you believe you were attracted and then realize maybe not so much afterall. who know? first dates give no indication of who a person really is. we just don'tknow what these people have going on in their lives.

 

what do you think?

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