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Why did he do that?


PutYourBackIntoIt
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The guy I've been seeing shocked me the other night. We were getting it on, and as soon as he was about to climax, he pulled out and ejaculated on my back. I was completely shocked. I didn't know how to react so I said "Um ok." I felt like a {mod edit}. I don't really know what to make of it, and I haven't talked to him since and honestly I don't care if I ever do. Am I overreacting?

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To a degree yes you are, to a degree you aren't.

 

It's very odd, has it happened before? Have you spoken about birth control? Is he worried about this? Why aren't you using condoms? If you haven't spoken to him since it's strange as well.

 

It's not very sexy is it, seems a bit degrading to me but some people would find it sexy, i'm not sure how much to read into it.

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Talk to him about it. Do NOT let this fester. Use the assertive approach:

 

1. This how I see it...

2. This is it makes me feel...

3. This is what I need from you...

 

By using the *I* approach, you are stating your needs and feelings without being accusatory. He may not have meant any harm but unless you talk to him about it, he is never going to know.

 

Good luck.

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Personally I think you are over reacting to this but, that is my opinion. I could understand if he wanted to cum on your face or something like a pornstar but, he shot on your back. Sometimes I have to admit that finishing up in a condom is not as pleasurable as finishing myself outside the vagina without to condom.

 

I would recommend you talk to your guy and have a discussion about this. Since it bothers you so much I would recommend communication. It is not worth getting yourself sick over this when there is an easy way to resolve this.

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You cried over it???? You're taking it WAY too personally...Geeez.... listen... I will try my best to explain some of my experiences and try not to let you know perhaps you're a bit of a prude.

 

I had men who couldn't come at all inside of me, they have issues, not sensitive enough etc etc... it's ALL a mental game... sex is very mental. Just cos he pulled it out doesn't mean he is degrading you, he may find it relieving to take the condom out, he may not want to impregnate you... etc etc... but for crying over it???? I am sorry, you really need to understand the ejaculation mental state of men, there ARE MANY MANY state and variation of what they are thinking, some are complex and some are degrading and some are just very simple.... but please please don't cry over it, it is not about YOU, if you think it is all about YOU, then you're too self centered....

 

Hey, I know this sound harsh... but I just want to give you a different perspective on this.. sorry if I trully offended you....

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i think you are definitely overreacting about this. i know plenty of guys that have pulled out and ejaculated on the girl's back or stomach. its a turn on for them and i dont think you should make it into any kind of big deal. ive known good guys that have done it to serious girlfriends that they were in love with, i mean its not like he was trying to disrespect you. hes definitely not the first guy in history that have done that, lots of guys do. if it really bothers you that much then ask him not to do it again, im sure he didnt even know that you would care.

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why not communicate with him in a calm yet firm manner that you didn't like it and that perhaps you would have liked it this way

 

Sometimes talking it out helps a lot cause understanding eachothers likes and dislikes is also important.

 

Let him know this but don't make it an issue...take it easy.

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What he did (in general) does not seem too strange or out of the ordinary, especially if a condom was used. However if he didn't "ask" or "warn" you and just surprised you with it then I could see how it would be unnerving. :splat: (sorry I could not resist the convenient use of the corny icon)

 

 

In a way you probably felt like your trust was violated since he didn't ask, he just went ahead and did that while your back was to him and you could not see. That is a little bit rude..... if nothing else.

 

If it was in the context of a relationship and/or you plan to sleep with him again I think you should talk to him about it and let him know you're not a big fan.

 

If it was causal sex and you don't plan to talk to him again then I don't think you should worry too much about it.

 

 

BellaDonna

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Hi there,

 

An old b/f used to like to climax over various bits of me, really hope this isn't too much information! Anyway, I think it was a combination of things, possibly better sensation, but I think he really really liked the visual. It was never degrading, possibly something that has been erotised through porn films (where men *always* are shown to climax visibly, it's the money shot), and that might be why men associate it with great pleasure. But I'm not a man, I don't know.

 

I don't think it means much either way - just tell him that you don't like it. If it upsets you, you should talk about it. But I don't think it's particularly unusual, or degrading, or negative. Sex is such a playground of earthy delights, it's not worth crying over, it's worth finding out what turns each other on and what really *really* doesn't. Was it the surprise factor for you? I'm sorry you feel bad, but don't worry about it too much.

 

Cheers!

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Before telling him anything about how you feel, I would ask him why he did what he did. If you don't like his answer, you can tell him you did not like it. But, maybe he gives you some answer that changes entirely how you feel about what he did. I doubt it, but it's possible. And once, he tells you why, then tell him you did not like it. If you still don't and are sure you don't. Because once you tell him you don't like it, it will probably never happen again.

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