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Jealousy not love?


Mr.Mister
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When we were going out, my ex (now religious) told me in the Bible it says, "love is not jealous". I told her how I was jealous of her and lots of other people for having more experiences than me. But, I wasn't jealous of her having guy friends or talking to other guys or anything. I normally think of that kind of jealousy as the kind that might mean you aren't in love, but the kind I had was just normal jealousy for people. She told me that she thinks that any kind of jealousy means the person isn't in love. What do you think? Can someone be jealous and still be in love? And do the different kinds matter?

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Absolutely!

 

Healthy doses of jealousy can show your partner you care and that you are not complacent in the relationship. Also, a little jealousy can prompt monogomy. So, in that sense, a small dose of jealousy can be healthy.

 

Unhealthy jealousy can cause irrational thoughts, tension, resentments, paranoia, thus causing the relationship to be toxic...I think that is what your ex is getting at.

 

Just my two cents.

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Yes you can be jealous and in love. I think I might describe being jealous of other people's experiences as more envy than jealousy. I think envy means you want what someone else has or had.

 

Jealousy is more about someone else experiencing something that you regard as exclusively yours to experience. You are related to the thing you are jealous of. You are not related to the thing you are envious of.

 

So I don't think your g/f's bible quote applies. Unless there is a line in there that says "love is not envious".

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She was quoting part of 1 Corinthians 13. "Love is patient and kind; love is not jealous or boastful; it is not arrogant or rude."

 

I really like what melrich said about envy being different than jealousy. However, most Bibles use the word "envy" instead of "jealousy", and one I've seen even uses both "jealous" and "envious" instead of "jealous" and "boastful". So, it kinda makes that hard. haha. Oh well. Thanks for all the advice everyone. I'll just have to talk to her about everything and decide what I want in a relationship.

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