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Don't know what to do


jflatt
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Let me give you some background information on this...

 

I was dating this girl who ended up living right beside my crazy ex-g/f of 4.5yrs. My ex told this girl a lot of horrible things about me that weren't true. The girl called me and we talked about it several times and everything was going fine with us.

 

Until the 8th of September. She went out to the bar and got super drunk with a bunch of her friends. I had to work late and I called her after work. She wanted me to go out to a club that she was at, but it charged cover and I would have only been in there or like 45minutes or so before the bars closed. I told her to just call me when she was done at the bars.

 

I was in the bathroom and she called. I call her back and she doesn't answer. I end up talking to her a lot later on that night (3am-ish) and she tells me that her group left the club and went to another bar so they could hang out with me. I asked her why she didn't leave a message for me, and she didn't have any answers.

 

Saturday we decide to go to the university's football game together, one of my younger brothers also comes up for the game. I got them student tickets for the game, but they weren't in the student section that I was in. The people at the game dont' really check the tickets as long as you have one and you look like you should be in the college section. She also told me the reason she went out the night before was something dealing with one of her ex's calling her, but she wouldn't tell me specifically.

 

I told them to come sit by me, and I save spots for them (its like a general admission section). I don't see them so I call my brother and the girl. They tell me that they are okay in the other section and they aren't coming down to my section.

 

I go up at halftime to talk to them and see them. However, the girl was gone and my brother was still there. My brother tells me that the girl up and left before the second quarter of the game. I stay at the game with my brother standing beside me(cause he moved down and sat by me) and call her several times after the game.

 

Eventually I thought I got her to pick up, but it was just her guy friend that buys her everything. He answers it and I ask to talk to the girl. He tells me that she can't talk to me (even though I heard her tell him that she didn't want to talk to me). I just told me to tell her that I called and left her alone for the night.

 

The next day, Sunday, I had to work. I got off of work around 7 so I called and asked her if she wanted to go out to eat. She told me that she already ate with a lot of attitude. I asked her whats wrong. She ends up telling me that I disrespected her, that she has broken up with other guys for less. I tell her I am sorry then she says that sorry doesn't cut it and that in her mind she considered us over. I was amazed that she was breaking up with me over her not wanting to sit by me at the game when she could have.

 

By Wednesday she sent me a message that said, "Sorry I was *itchy and broke up with you on the phone. That was very impolite of me but I was hurt" I didn't reply cause I just thought she was saying sorry for how she broke up with me.

 

Today, I get this message from her, "I must not have meant much to you because you have not tried to contact me."

 

I just don't understand what I should do in this situation. Any help/opinions would be great.

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It's not quite clear to me what you did to make her angry. As far as I can see from your post she became distant- got another guy to lie for her on the phone- then broke up with you. And now she's expecting you to come begging back it sounds. If that's the case I don't think that's a healthy thing to do-

 

If she really wants to be with you then make her come back to you.

The last email she wrote sounds manipulative and dishonest- I wouldnt reply to it. Maybe she's ust upset but if you haven't done anything then don't go crawling back just because she got in a mood.

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Well to be honest with you, this is a fundamental problem with how you view women and relationships in general and it's going to take a whole philosophical change on your part to correct this.

 

I haven't checked your old posts, but you sound like a guy who has problems sticking up for yourself with girls and in general not being able to show your true emotions. This is mislabled as the "nice guy", but is more correctly named as the "not enough guts guy."

 

Do you have lots of female friends? Are you interested in them and have them often tell you "let's just be friends"? If this is the situation, then you are the prototypical case.

 

But as for your relationship with this girl, her reaction is very typical of the way any girl would act if you treated her this way. You sound like you treated her very well, and this is the problem because you treated her well even when she disrespected you. Why would you offer to go get something to eat when she dissed you at the football game, ignored your call, had some other guy screen the call (we'll get back to this is a sec), and talked to you in that tone? Don't you think someone who acts like this deserves to get ripped out? That's what I would do.

 

When you act this way towards anyone, you tell them "I'm a weak guy who has problems standing up for himself and you can basically dump on me quite a bit before I'll get fed up with it." This is very unattractive (boring) to girls and will get you chronically dumped (and/or cheated on).

 

You took a step with your text, but your reaction should be a lot stronger with a situation like this, like the language and tone should be way harsher. To be honest, if you do things right from the beginning and set boundries right from the start, you won't have these kinds of situations pop up.

 

Check out diggitydogg's dating guide for some more on this as well as his posts. His advice doesn't apply to all guys problems, but it definitely applies to cases like yours.

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Today, I get this message from her, "I must not have meant much to you because you have not tried to contact me."

 

Depends on what you're looking for in this situation.

 

If you want to be involved with a Drama Queen (as we've discussed before), then contact her...but be prepared to do her bidding EXACTLY as she expects in every situation every time. Dunno about you, but a relationship where someone says, "jump" and expects me to respond with "sure...how high should I jump?" doesn't sound like a really balanced and healthy one to me. That message is manipulative and designed to get you to play her little game. She dumped you and now she's expecting you to come crawling back to her. Do you really want to do that?

 

I'd vote for ignore it. Move on. There are other girls you can date who aren't into high drama. If you become involved with one of them, you'll most likely wonder why you were kowtowing to this Drama Queen for as long as you did.

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She got trashed and as it sounds, was upset that you didn't come out to join her and her friends with 45 minutes left to last call while you had to work early the next day. Then she handles it is a very immature manner by avoiding you, giving you attitude. Then she plays this little game with you, "I must not mean much to you then". That sounds pretty immature, spoiled and selfish to me...classic case of "you disrespect me so I have the right to disrespect you back". That really pisses me off...

 

I've dated a woman like this before, between the 6th and 7th grade if I can remember correctly...

 

But what really made me close my eyes, shake my head, and say, "What the " over here was this,

 

She ends up telling me that I disrespected her, that she has broken up with other guys for less.

 

Really look at that statement. It comes off as very cocky to me. This sounds to me like she views guys as possessions, like something she can "get rid of", like you're "one in the line" to her...again, a mindset resulting from her immaturity and selfishness. Would you ever say something like this to your partner? Would a decent person ever say this to their partner? So why are you letting this slide with her? Even though she thinks she is above common decency, guess what, she isn't unless you let her!

 

My advice is really sit down and look at what you wrote here, and ask yourself if this is what you really want out of a relationship. Is it? Do you feel this is what you deserve? Because I doubt she will change and if she does change, she'll change and leave you behind, I've seen it happen a thousand times...

 

I can tell you surely that there are waaaaaay better ladies out there for you to date and you will surely meet them. Don't let those variables influence the answer to the question I asked...time to sack up and be a man about this...

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I just read your back posts too.......

 

Is this really a different girl?????????

 

You're in a terrible situation in these halls- its making your world very stressful and small. If you move to a different halls- or at the very least find a life which doesnt revolve around this group which sounds like its making you miserable!

 

Also...... did this new girlfriend know your ex before? Did she know she was moving into the same halls? I have the same situation as you - small tight community where pointless gossip travels fast- and I've tried my hardest to get away from it- but you're pretty helpless like this.

 

 

"You must not care about very much since you havent contacted me" means-----

 

"My ego is a bit affected by the fact that you havent come crawling- I thought you were my b**ch"

 

IMHO. Sorry I think it does.

 

 

EDIT- It also contains nothing about how she's feeling. Neither of you have any idea how the other one is feeling- start with that. If you think it can work- if you want to contact her. Tell how you feel. Arent you angry?

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