"rough sex"

[cinderelly65]

ok, i have been dating this guy for over a month and over the weekend we had sex for the first time. but, he was to rough with me and it kinda hurt. i don't know how to tell him to slow it down without hurting his ego. it also freaks me out a litle that he is so aggressive. any advice?

[WorkNProgress]

Hmmm, I think being silent is not a good thing. Communication is key especially when you are intimate with someone. What is he like out of the bedroom?

 

If this is something that freaks you out you must express to him your feelings. If he gets upset or angry about it then you know right now he is not the one for you. Sex should be something both parties are in agreeance on, be it rough or sensual.

[coollady1957]

I am in agreement with WNP. You certainly need to convey to him your concerns.

 

I am not making any excuse of his being rough with you, but is it possible that it was just the excitement of having sex with you for the first time. Maybe he was a bit over zealous with the sexual activity.

 

You could possibly tell him that you really like things when it's a bit slower and gentler. Communication about this is definitely in order.

 

Also , as WNP as already asked, What is he like under general circumstances? Is he aggressive in any other aspect of your relationship?

[AzureSkyes69]

hmmmm personally if were having sex with someone for the first time I wouldn't want it rough that should come later on (if you enjoy it) once you figure out what each other likes and such.And I don't think it should be rough the first time at all.

[amtjrtcet]

Its ok to tell him to move slower. Next time you guys are getting intimate, before it gets too heated tell him "lets do it slow" in a suggestive way. I think men want a woman to tell them what they want in the bedroom.

But yes, definitely say something, sex should be enjoyable, not painful.

[sparkle1]

Sounds like a classic 'over zealous' scenerio...i also think some men think that rough sex impresses us, sadly it isn't normally the case...

 

Communicate with him definitely...if that doesn't work there are things you can do to slow him down....like go on top and work it slowly, if he is on top, lower your pelvis and push your hands on his hips to slow the thrusting...

 

I think this is a talk thing...he will think he is being 'great' and only you can tell him other wise...it won't dent his ego if done in the correct way - promise.

[MollyElise]

I have only had one lover who was very aggressive in bed (to the point where almost my whole body was sore the next day) and personally, I enjoyed it (only multiple orgasms I've ever had). Just to be clear I'm not talking about S&M or kink at all, just lots of "energy"?

 

I think that you should talk to him and take his response into consideration with his other personality traits to see if this is a "red-flag".

 

I can tell you, the guy who was really rough during sex with me was also an abuser, he was also the strongest man I have ever been with... Has anyone else experienced any parallels between rough sex and abuse?