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trying to make it work again...NEED ADVICE


missmebaby
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well heres a little summary of the history of my ex and I. I am 20, he is 21. we were together for a year and broke up 5 weeks ago. he broke up with me because we were constantly fighting and he said that he just wanted to be single for awhile and spend time with his friends. also, during the last couple months of our relationship he did some things that really hurt me and in turn caused me to become clingy and needy because I felt that i was losing him and i felt that he was keeping things from me and lying to me. it was hard for me to trust him and he stopped being affectionate so i started to become a nag and was angry at him and complaining about his actions alot, and constantly asking him how he really felt about me and if he wanted to be with me.

 

I just basically became very insecure and it showed and he got sick of me. well while we have been broken up we have kept in frequent contact over the phone (it was almost always me that called him), and i saw him a few times when i came over to get my stuff that i left at his house. well about 2 weeks ago i had tickets to see one of his favorite country singers in concert and i asked him to go with me. he did and we had a great night together. i could tell his feelings were coming back and i could tell he was having a good time. at the end of the night we ended up having sex and afterwards he brought up the subject of maybe getting back together. he said tonight helped him to realize that he still has feelings for me and that he really misses me and would like to talk and hang out again and see how things go. well i was more than happy and i said yes, i would like to do that. well for the next week things went so great, he was like a different guy. well, he was like the guy that i first met. he was affectionate and wanted to see me all the time, he was in a great mood around me and told me how happy he was that we were talking again.

 

then the next week rolls around and for some reason things are different. hes not as affectionate or talkative, and a couple days he asks me to hang out and then makes up an excuse later about why he cant see me. so, since im insecure, and his actions confuse me i become clingy and i constantly ask him how he is feeling and if we are ever going to get back together. i get kind of angry and ina bad mood on the days he doesnt want to see me, and if he isnt very talkative on the phone i get kind of mad and keep asking him whats wrong. well yesterday i show up at his house and tell him that i want to talk. i tell him that i cant take anymore of this wondering how hes feeling and whats going to happen with us. i start to cry and start to talk about all the times he hurt me and all the times he was a jerk to me and didnt treat me right. at first he just got really mad and didnt want to hear it. he acted like he never did anything wrong. he went outside to cool off for awhile and when he came back in he laid on top of me on the couch and held me and said he knows that he was a jerk to me and i deserve so much better. he started to cry and told me how sorry he was to hurt me, he would never intentionally do it and he feels terrible because he never wants to hurt anyone especially not a good girl like me. he said he doesnt know why he does the things he does and that he only cares about himself most of the time and doesnt care about other people's feelings as long as hes happy. he said he wants to change and be a good guy. before i left he hugged me for a long time and just cried and said how sorry he was and that he hoped this wasnt going to be the last time he hugged me or the last time he saw or talked to me.

 

well the next day he calls me and asks me to come over so i do and we talk about what we both want to do. he tells me he still really wants to talk and hang out and see how things go. well i know that i probably shouldnt after all the times hes treated me like crap, but i just keep thinking what if? what if he really does change and things go good and we get back together and things are better than before? but i also dont want him to just want to try to make this work because he feels bad or something. but i did tell him that i would like to try again so i guess thats the plan for now. i just dont know how to act. i know i cant be clingy or needy anymore. should i give him lots of space? should i tell him how much i care about him and want this to work? should i let him come to me, and like decide when we are going to see each other. like if he doesnt say anything about hanging out that day or something, i shouldnt mention it? i just need to know the best possible way to make this work without pushing him away.

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Its actually very easy. Ask yourself the question, are you with him so he can make your life unhappy? Did he go with you so you could ruin his life? Of course not, couples are supposed to make eachother happy. thereforeeee only put love and light into the relationship on a continues basis.

 

You see (small)arguments act like poison to your relationship, and can lead to BIG break ups. The meaning of life is to love and help eachother, so you have nothing to be insecure about. The reason that you are clingy is because you don't have a life of your own to live. You see its a big step into maturity to understand that you can love someone but you can't hold any person into your grip, because life is like sand that slips thru your hand, you can like it but can't hold it,which is demonstrated if someone you love gets an accident, whop out of your life not to make you sad but only to demonstrate how you can't hold on to people,and how short it is and how much we should appreciate it. So instead of being unable to live without your bf, you need to start showing you have a life of your own to live. Because in the end you only have yourself, thats why you have to be able to be independent from others. Im not promoting lonelyness here, im just saying that since a guy can pack his bags and leave any day, you shouldn't go into a relationship with auto-expectations that it will work out just because it concerns YOUR case. That's not the case, in reality a relationship is a continues investment from both sides. Giving and taking, its all about being together but still letting eachother being able to do their own thing.

 

So what to do when arguments arise? Well imagine im your bf , i call you a piece of trash. And if you start calling me something back, you'll notice that for every time i give a swing to that wheel of hatred directed at you, and if you give another swing to it by calling me something etc etc, you'll see that the wheel of hatred will spin on FOREVER! This is why actually already in the bible Jesus says, you cannot fight evil with evil, because only evil will win, you can only fight evil with love.

 

Say STOP, to here and no further to yourself. And REFUSE to give another spin to that wheel of hatred, instead pour him over with love and light. Its actually something you have to do with all the people you meet in life, loving and helping them, and will make the argument stop. Choose for Love and helping others in your life.

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