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Please help so confused


confused03
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Okay I thought I could handle this on my own like I have done with so many things before, but this is so different. Okay here's the story. I have been married for three years to a man that I thought would never hurt me like everyone has before. He is in the Army and in Jan 2004 he had to go to Iraq. I knew it would be hard but I knew as long as I showed him how much I loved him he wouldn't have to worry about me cheating. I guess I was the one than should have been worring. Well we had created my space accounts when he got back just to keep in touch with people we knew. One night I looked on his profile to see his friends list which was the beginning of a big mistake on my part. There were girls I didn't know. So I got into his account to see who they were and they were just random girls. So being cheated on so many times by exs I got worried so I checked his email that he created in Iraq that I didn't find out about it until he got back. Well there were emails from many different women that he had been emailing. He wanted pictures of many of them and in one the subject was "love of my life" he said he was sorry for not calling and then even closed it with love. So then I checked his buddy list and there were like 50+ women that he chatted to. He said he talked me everytime he got a chance and it wasn't that often. I don't know what to do. He has numerous online dating accounts that he created in Iraq and he is seaching for single women online all the time. I thought it was just when things were going bad but we had a great weekend and this morning I find out he was searching again. The whole time he was over there I stayed with my parents I remained faithful and still have. I could never do this to him. The whole time he was over there he would tell me how much he love and missed me and couldn't wait to be with me again. I hate not being able to trust him. He says he has stoppped but after this morning I know it isn't true. I am not perfect in anyway and I feel like it is my fault because I have changed. When I confronted him with all of this he got made cause I got into his account and then when I wanted to know why he said he didn't remember. I love him more than life itself and I don't know what to do. We just had our second child and I don't want the way I feel to effect them but I don't know what to do. Someone please help I have been holding this all in for months and I have no one to talk to.

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By all means you are exaggerating. What you mean to him, is different then what those on-line friends mean to him. Your the one he loves, and your the one who he is married and comitted to. Really your taking the internet too far. I guess most people feel that its cheating, and there's an essense of truth possibly in that. But arent these just on-line friends? Hey i say i love you to some girls on the internet MSN too, i really love them as friends, but im comitted to my gf. And i have an idea that its the same for him.

 

It comes down to that this most likely isn't a 'real time affair' so my advice is to put your paranoia behind you, and just stick with him as long as it isn't real life cheating. Its ok for you to doubt, and im not even saying your wrong, heck its good to always be sceptic to a certain extend as trust is a hard earned good in this world. Honestly don't get me wrong, you don't want to be with a liar, but this man is the father of your child, there's a LOT at stake. Your marriage, the child and your future. And besides if he comes home permanently you can settle it once and for all,instead of putting your marriage first on the line of being destroyed. I would prefer more an act of restrain and strict approuch. Not too possesive, but like a leash around his neck not to short so he can't breathe, and not to long so he can't run away to places he shouldn't be in. I would fight for my marriage.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I find nothing in your post that says you are not hurt. You ARE hurt and you are ENTITLED to be hurt and someone telling you that online relationships mean nothing is full of it. My last three MEN came from the internet and they ALL started out as "nothing".

I dont care WHAT it is. Online, in person, phone sex, on the phone, etc.

He cheated or was at least trying to. Did u know about his actions? No. You found out. Did he tell you he sometimes talked to other women? Im assuming no? yes?

Think about what he told you. I mean hey, if he told you he talked to other women, then deal with it.

BUT... you are hurt and you have every right to be. And am I hearing that AFTER you called him on this, he was STILL doing it?

He wants his cake and he wants to eat it too.

Take away his cake and let the jerk starve. Child or not. He is acting like a child and Im sure you have enough.

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I somewhat agree with jodiegirl.

 

I would let him know that online or not, real or not, and even "innocent" or not, that you don't like it and it hurts you to see him talking to other women. After all, you were faithful for (what was probably at least a year if not longer) while he was in Iraq and your parents could probably vouge for that (technically, though they may not want to get into your business lol).

 

It's possible that he was just very lonely over in Iraq. I also think a lot of guys over there just assume their wives/gfs will cheat (although it doesn't happen to everyone, but they have no way of knowing who's wife/gf is cheating).

 

Anyways, try to reassure him that it isn't the case and that you'd like it if he could stop doing the online stuff that upsets you. And that you love him and really want to make it work.

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  • 3 weeks later...

Let me just say that the Internet is possibly the Worst and Evilest invention in the history of mankind.....MySpace, MSN dating, Chat, Personal Websites, Blogs, etc etc etc.........

 

It makes it all that much easier for people to Cheat, deceive, screw around, etc etc etc......

 

How many of us have more than three email addresses?? How many of those do our spouses know Nothing about.......How many of us have flirted online with complete strangers????

 

And we say..oh, it's not real..it's only Cyber Space!! Hogwash I say! Hogwash!

 

As my Gram used to say..'The worlds going to Hell in a Handbasket!

 

 

There's a good quote from the movie Runaway train.

 

Person A: You're an ANIMAL!!

Person B: NO, WORSE, HUMAN!!

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