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Harder than it should be...


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I've gone a really long time trying to deny my sexual attraction to women (I'm a girl). I'm 22 years old, still a virgin, and never really seemed to want to have sex with men. Though I've been attracted to some, I'm realizing I'm more sexually attracted to the female form – always sort of have been. My problem is that I'm having a really hard time accepting this and cutting off relationships with men. It's like somewhere within me I know that I have this attraction, but I'm having a hard time turning the attraction into something I actually do in my life…namely, to pursue relationships with women. How do I become comfortable with this idea when everyone I know thinks I'm straight? How do I get over my desire to please everyone (you know – live that life I'm 'supposed' to live—with kids, a husband, and a white picket fence) and accept that, maybe, that's not who I really am…

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I'm in a very similar position. I think it's hard because even though it is more socially acceptable to be gay or bi-sexual, we are still afraid of rejection from the people that we care about most. If you are still attracted to both men and women, don't try to cut off ties with men. I'm not saying date more than one person at a time or anything like that, but you could date both sexes on different occasions. You don't want to force yourself to be straight, but don't try to force yourself to only like women. In the end, worry only about making yourself happy. Because ultimately, you're the only one who matters. Hmm--- now if I could only take my own advice.

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I think is what every gay man and woman goes through when they are ready to really live. This you can take more as a positive. That you are this much closer to living the life you really want. If you still are attracted to men there is no law or rule that says once you make a desicion you have to stick with it.

 

Take it slow and perhaps contact GLADD online or in your city. They will really know what you are going through.

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It really sounds like you are grappling with the kind of feelings that gay people deal with. The first step is admitting the attraction of the same sex to yourself. Then when you feel like you can't handle the secret any more you end up confiding in someone, etc. It may be that you are bi-sexual, too. And you may also have a low sex drive. I have concluded that I am attracted predominantly to women and I also have a low sex drive with little desire.

 

I think it takes a long time to find someone that you are really attracted to and have those feelings be reciprocated. I wouldn't worry about your age and being a virgin. You aren't totally sexually inexperienced, as you've told me, so you aren't completely in the dark on that one. Just keep dating and learning more about yourself. It is okay to question and if you weren't questioning then I would be wondering about you!

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