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What happened to me?


cliche23
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I was always known to be the type of woman that was funny, loved to laugh until my stomach would literally hurt; I was social, loved to be around others smiling and just happy. I don't want to point fingers or place blame, but it just seems like I have lost all of that and perhaps it could be that I have been through so much pain and heartache in my relationship and now I no longer know what to do with myself. I am still here because I am aware that every relationship has it's ups and downs, and I just don't want to give up so easily. But what I miss the most is just being able to laugh and have a good ol' time. Seems now that I always seem to be down crying when things go wrong in my relationship; I am always uptight, it's so hard to relax and breathe it's like literally being on pins and needles but still can't get myself away from it. Only when it comes to my relationship I am always serious, it's hard for me to feel good for an entire week because there is always something happening that messes that up, I want to feel good. I love my boyfriend with all my heart; I would love for things to work between us. I just want to know what can I do? How can I stop from being so uptight, sensitive, upset etc. I mean it's not like I get upset for no reason. How can I have a descent conversation with my boyfriend where he will understand? I want to be happy, it just seems like I am trying too hard. And the most difficult thing in my relationship is that I am the expressive one while he just sits like a bump on a log and listens. What do I do? I don't want to leave, I want to work on this while still working on my relationship. I hope what I type doesn't confuse you all, I am trying my best to explain this. If you can please give me some advice, I am really in need of it.

 

Thanks in advance

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I think you need to give a little more background to get decent advice.

 

How long have you been together?

 

What are your reasons for being upset?

 

How old are you?

 

Frankly, if one of my friends told me that her boyfriend sucked all the fun out of her personality, I'd tell her to run. Why shouldn't the same be true for you?

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There is a disconnect there, and I do not mean between you and him.

 

You say are basically very unhappy, no need to quote your message, just re-read it, you are very unhappy. Then you say that you love him and want it to work even though you are unhappy and miserable.

 

 

Happiness isn't given or received, it comes from within and when you are truly unhappy, it usually involves yourself. Reality may be that he is the cause of the problems and you are doing your best that you can, doesn't make a difference. You can only control your own behaviour and find happiness yourself. Things sound bad, and it may be frightening considering breaking up, which is why you are so miserable now. Talk to him about it, if he is like a log and doesn't respond to you talking about breaking up, then break up and start taking your life back one day at a time to find happiness within yourself, outside of a relationship.

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Well talking seems to be what I always do while he just sits and listen. It's sort of irritating when I talk and he doesn't show any type of emotion, or give me any kind of response he just sits there with a cold shoulder and doesn't understand when I tell him that he's unemotional and nochalant. He tells me that he's happy with me and that I am the type of woman a lot of men would want, he just doesn't understand himself and why he reacts the way he does. He says that he has mastered keeping all of his feeling and emotions inside, he doesn't want to stress anything or express anything he feels he's better off that way and it's hard to break that. I guess that's what makes things a bit difficult because I don't know how really feels. It's hard for him to answer questions; One thing that he has told me is that he doesn't love me (its only been nine months) So I can't really expect much. Although, I am yearning for that love and those mushy comfortable feelings you get when in love. So even though I feel the way I feel I try to sit back and wait to see what happens.

 

As far as why I feel the way I do; It's because there have been a lot of things going on in our relationship, things that could have been avoided but he just doesn't find most things a big deal. I get a bit worried when I see that he goes on this dating website talking to other woman (he says its just flirting and that's as far as it goes); however there were times when he gave out his home number. There are times when he leaves me in the house alone, a lot often than usual to go out with friends, hang out, whatever but he never takes me along. And so much more. I know most of you would say that I am stupid for being here; But it's more like watching a suspense, you sit and wait to see what happens next. So I try my best to supress how I feel and not complain or say a word, just letting things flow and see what happens.

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